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Nedelja, 8. VI 2008.
U
ovom broju donosimo:
Prirodni zakoni u anima
crtaćima 4.
10�10
Malo enigmatike: pronađite
pogre�nu reč u rečenicama (kolekcija iz starih brojeva
"Politikinog Zabavnika")
"Oglas" na newsgrupama HRH i HSGVn 8.
Leksikon
domaćih reči i izraza
Sigurno
znate �ta je u pitanju�
ANIMA ZAKONI
FIZIKE
● 1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity The normal laws of physics do not apply. ● 2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. ● 3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of
Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like
explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way. ● 4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime
Motion In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity. ● 5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of
Anime Motion The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science. ● 6 - Law of Temporal Variability |  |
Time is not a constant. Time stops
for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or
"impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being
killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
● 7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality
"Good Guys" and "Bad
Guys" both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don't even see
it
coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much
insight
to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always
lands
butter side down.
● 8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to
die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are
killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while
to
realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil
damages
the Reality Lobe of the brain.
● 9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of
action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a
slash of
bright color (usually red or white).
 | ● 10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity ● 11 - Law of Inherent Combustibility Everything explodes. Everything. #
First Corollary: Anything
that explodes bulges first. # Second Corollary: Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City". ● 12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission ● 13 - Law of Energetic Emission There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility. ● 14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of any
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass. |
#
First Corollary: Small and cute will
always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.
● 15 - Law of Inexhaustibility
No one *EVER* runs out of
ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered,
out-classed, and unconscious.
● 16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a "Good
Guy" when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of
the shot increases. The accuracy of the "Bad Guys" when operating
fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also
known as
the Storm trooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a drunken stupor
being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and
several
battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing
alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
#
First Corollary: The more "Bad
Guys" there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real
damage.
#
Second Corollary: Whenever a
"Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds, the "Bad
Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with
a
single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
#
Third Corollary: Whenever a "Good
Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated "Good Guy
Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts
the
"Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing
weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing
complex
martial arts maneuvers.
|
● 17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo. ● 18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
sometimes more, under high pressure. ● 19 - Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and
other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs,
tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can
only be hurt bladed weapons. ● 20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large
war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be
stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a
caring/loving emotion or a song. #
First Corollary (from Adam Barnes): Whenever a
single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire
army, the army always loses. ● 21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't.... ● 22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... like
missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle. ● 23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying. ● 24 - Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of
two roles, either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid
"Good Guy". |
|
#
First Corollary: The only people who
are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American
translators.
(Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)
#
Second Corollary: The only people who
are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors
and
censors.
● 25 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality (from A.
Hicks, T. Williams & B. Leinweber)
The size of a person's mouth is
directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or
eating.
 | ● 26 - Law of Feline Mutation (from A. Hicks)
Any half-cat/half-human mutation
will invariably:
1) be female
2) will possess ears and sometimes a
tail as a genetic mutation 3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any ● 27 - Law of Conservation of Firepower (from Tom
Williams)
Any powerful weapon capable of
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be
reserved
and used only as a last resort. ● 28 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence
(from Tom Williams)
The formal training required to
operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its
complexity. ● 29 - Law of Melee Luminescence (from Tom
Williams) ● 30 - Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism
(from Tom Williams)
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races
are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some
obscure
reason. |
● 31 - Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability
(from Spellweaver)
Any color in the visible spectrum is
considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning
or
explanation.
● 32 - Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much
indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions,
energy
emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect.
The
only way to hurt someone"s hair is the same way you deal with demons...
with bladed weapons!
● 33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law
of Anime Aero-Dynamics
Any shape, no matter how
convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
● 34 - Law of Probable Attire (from various
sources)
Clothing in anime follows certain
predictable guidelines.
Female characters wear as little
clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or
meteorologically appropriate.
Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have
her
clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no
opportunity to
tear off the afore-mentioned female"s clothes, then she will
inexplicably
take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous
Shower
Scene).
Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear a long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them. #
First
Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability): All anime characters are resistant to
extremely
cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in
snow. #
Second Corollary (Indecent
Invulnerability) (from Nyctomania): Bikinis render the wearer
invulnerable to
any form of damage. ● 35 - Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical
talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable
of doing
much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime,
stopping an intergalactic war, and so on...especially if they have
never
attempted these things before. �36 - Law of Quintupular Agglutination (from Daniel Mikula)
Also called "The Five-man
Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups
of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute |  |
5) A Dwarf/Kid Between these basic
positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation
● 37 - Law of Extradimensional Capacitance (from
Jason Bustard)
All anime females have an
extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their
person
from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
#
First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer
Rule) (from Ferdinand Pelayo): The most common item stored is a heavy
mallet,
which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it.
Other
common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large
bazookas.
● 38 - Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in
Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may
be
instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The
actual
volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no
evidence to
suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The
reason
water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only
have one
large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When
extremely
stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but
very
large drop of sebaceous fluid.
 | ● 39 - Law of Inverse Attraction #
First Corollary: Unfortunately, this
law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world ● 40 - Law of Nasal Sanguination (from Ryan
Pritchard and Jason Aylen)
When sexually aroused, males in
Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this
is,
though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller
sinuses
and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get
nosebleeds, but
invariably get one heck of a blush along the |
cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
● 41 - Law of Xylolaceration (from Lyndon Harris)
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as
sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
● 42 - Law of Juvenile Omnipotence (from Erin Alia)
Always send a boy to do a man's job.
He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
● 43 - Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia (fobija od
broja 43)
There is no Law #43.
● 44 - Law of Nominative Clamovocation (from
Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah)
The likelihood of success and damage
done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at
which
the full name of the attack is announced.
● 45 - Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis (from
R. A. Hubby)
Regardless of how long or involved
the transformation sequence or how many times they"ve seen it before,
any
"Bad Guys" witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too
stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
● 46 - Law of Flimsy Incognition (from Conrad
Knauer)
Simply changing into a costume or
wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your
closest
friends and relatives.
(� by Ryan Shellito and Darrin Bright, who have graciously granted permission to copy, distribute, edit, and add your own laws, so long as you leave all the credits intact)
NADGROBNE
PLOČE
Draga
djeco,
Povoljno
izrađujem stripove na nadgrobnim pločama.
Poseban popust na model
"3�1", odnosno tri table stripa raspoređene na nadgrobnoj
ploči.
Akcija: 25% popusta na
nadgrobni tematski strip "Moj �ivot
u 25 kadrova". Pokrivamo sve bitne događaje iz va�eg �ivota! Vi
odlučujete kojim se �ivotnim događajima �elite predstaviti... čitateljstvu
nadgrobnih ploča!
Posebna akcija: 30% popusta
kriminalcima, avanturistima i sl.
čiji su �ivoti posebice zanimljivi za vizualnu prezentaciju. Seksualno
eksplicitne scene u dogovoru s Va�im lokalnim upraviteljem groblja.
U mogućnosti smo, također, ponuditi Vama (!)
�iroku lepezu stilova! Od rukopisa vrsnog Essegessea pa sve do onog
tipa koji
je crtao Rahana! �e�elj - izuzetno cijenjen na� autor u inostranstvu -
njegov
stil itekako prikladan za nadgrobnu ploču!
�elite li mo�da prikazati Va� �ivot kao veseli koktel
doskočica vodviljskog karaktera? Mataković! Podra�avamo njegov stil
crtanja na Va�im nadgrobnim pločama!
Neka posjeta grobljima bude radosno iskustvo za cijelu
Va� familiju!
Vas Gagarin* [* - autor ovog genijalnog teksta (prim. red.)]
LEKSIKON DOMAĆIH REČI I IZRAZA
Ko te �i�a - Who cuts your hair Ko te �ljivi - Who plums you Ko umije njemu dvije - Who washes him two Ma, nemoj � Oh, not mine Malo sutra - A little bit tomorrow Mara jebala bumbara - Mary fuck the bumble bee Mnogo sam se sekirao - I axed myself very much Momci iz kraja - Boys from the end Moram ribati pod - I have to fish the floor More, bre - Sea, brother Na licu mjesta - On the face of the place Napet sam - I'm on five |  |
Re�enja
"10�10": 421. opere; 422. Rukovet; 423. tonove;
424. skalama; 425. klasi; 426. note; 427. mutiraju; 428. bas; 429.
gudalom;
430. pevanju.
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