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EN266-267 - Nedelja, 19. IV
2009.
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Nažalost, i ovaj broj će
morati em da kasni, em da izađe kao dvobroj, a i neupdate-uje se sajt
redovno. Verovatno će tako biti i u narednom broju, ali se jako nadam da neće morati da
dođe do toga. Još uvek sam bez vremena na netu…
U svakom slučaju, zalihe tekstova i slika su dobro, hvala
na pitanju (kucam u drvo). Časopis će i dalje redovno izlaziti, jedino
što će moći redovno da ga prate čitaoci koji ga dobijaju na mail. Oni koji ga
downloaduju sa sajta će malo popričekati.
Kad se vratim na net, svi propušteni
brojevi će biti uploadowani, i relevantne stranice će biti zamenjene
novijim.
Izvinjavam se zbog ovolikog drndanja, ali nadam se da ćemo uskoro
prevazići sve
probleme. Urednik |
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Maid Marian: Oh Broomhilde, look! A happy little bluebird! Hello!
[the bird lands on her finger]
Maid Marian: This means I must make a wish. I wish against wish, I hope against hope, that the heavens bring me a kind and wonderful gentleman who possesses the key to my...
[looks at her chastity belt, then looks at Broomhilde]
Maid Marian: …heart.
[bird flies away]
Maid Marian: Goodbye, my little friend.
Broomhilde: Ooh, that happy little bluebird has left a happy little do-do on your hand!
→
Robin Hood: Rabbi!
Rabbi Tuckman: [sticks his head out of his tent] Who calls?
Robin Hood: It is I, Robin of Locksley! We wish to get married in a hurry!
Rabbi Tuckman: Married in a hurry? That's great! Hold on, I'm on my last customer. I'll be right out.
[goes back inside his tent, then something being chopped off is heard, followed by a man screaming. The rabbi comes back out]
Rabbi Tuckman: Put a little ice on it. You'll be fine.
[to Robin]
Rabbi Tuckman: Married in a hurry, married in a hurry! Please invite me to the briss.
→
Maid Marian: Broomhilde, there's a foul plot afoot.
Broomhilde: It's not my feet, I just washed them.
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→ Prince John: What can you tell me about Robin of Locksley? Latrine: Robin of Locksley? Robin of Locksley? Hmm, let me see. [starts cooking up a potion
in her cauldron] Latrine: Raven's egg! Blood of a hen! A little more blood, yes!
Eyeballs of a crocodile! Testicles of a newt! I bet he's a transsexual
now! Robin of Locksley is handsome and brave. He seeks to regain his
family's honor. Little sod could be trouble. Prince John: Are you certain? Latrine: Certain? You want certain, hire yourself a witch! Me, I'm
just your cook. [serves contents of the
cauldron] Latrine: Here, eat that. → Sheriff of
Rottingham: So it's come to this, has it? A
fight to the death, mano a mano, man to man, just you and me and my GUARDS!!!
→ Robin Hood: [Robin and Ahchoo are fight the sherif of Rottinghams men] Watch my back! Ahchoo: [Ahchoo litarlly leans over and looks at his back as a guard punches him twice in the back] Your back just got punched twice. Robin Hood: Thank You! → |
Sheriff of Rottingham: Wasn't your... didn't your mole used to be on the other side?
Prince John: I have a MOLE?
→
Prince John: I hope's it worth the NOISE!
→
Ahchoo: [standing by a creek] Look, Robin, you don't have to do this. I mean, this ain't exactly the Mississipi. I'm on one side, I'm on the other side. I'm on the east bank, I'm on the west bank. It's not that critical.
→
[Ahchoo is getting beaten up by a group of soldiers and as Robin who is riding his horse searches for Ahchoo, he suddenly saw Ahchoo getting beaten up by a group of soldiers]
Robin Hood: Ahchoo?
[the soldiers briefly stop beating Ahchoo and face Robin Hood]
Soldiers: Bless you!
[the soldiers continues to beat up Ahchoo]
Ahchoo: Man, I hope someone is getting a video of this!
→
Sheriff of Rottingham: [after Robin has fired his shot, hitting the bullseye dead center] Don't worry, Dirty Ezio still has another shot.
Prince John: But he hit the very center of the bullseye… schmuck!
→
Rabbi Tuckman: [performing the marriage] Robin, do you?
[grabs Maid Marian and gives her a LOOOONNGGG kiss]
Rabbi Tuckman: [impressed] It's good to be the king.
King Richard: Now you may marry them
Rabbi Tuckman: Thank you. Here's your knife.
King Richard: Sword.
Rabbi Tuckman: Whatever.
→
Don Giovanni: Ok, you want plain English: Robin is gonna be dead. D-E-D. Dead.
→
Filthy Luca: I will take these cotton balls from you with my hand and put them in my pocket.
→
Sheriff of Rottingham: Struckey has loxed again.
Prince John: What?
Sheriff of Rottingham: Loxley has struck again.
→
Ahchoo: I should have never worn these shoes. They just don't match my purse.
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→ Ahchoo: Blinkin - what's the fastest way to reach the villagers? Blinkin: Why don't we fox them? Ahchoo: Fox them! → [Robin
has just been chained in Le Dungeon] Asneeze: You are very brave for not a homeboy. Robin Hood: Oh, thank you. Asneeze: I've been in here for a while. Perhaps I could be of
service. Do you have any questions? Robin Hood: What are you in for? Asneeze: Jaywalking. → [Robin is being made to
watch Marian's wedding from the gallows] Abbot: Do you, Sheriff of Rottingham, take Marian of Bahgel to be
your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in
health, till death do you part? Sheriff of
Rottingham: YES I DO! Get on with it! Abbot: And do you, Marian, vow to do all the stuff I just said? Sheriff of Rottingham: [to Marian] Say I do, or Robin dies! Maid Marian: I... I do... [Ahchoo shoots through Robin's noose] Maid Marian: NOT! → |
Abbot: I will perform the opening prayer in the New Latin. Oh ordlay, ivethgay usway ouryay essingsblay. Amen-ay!
Crowd: AMEN-AY!
→
Asneeze: I am Asneeze, father of Ahchoo.
Robin Hood: Bless you.
Asneeze: No no no, Ahchoo is my son.
→
Head Saracen Guard: [rushes into Le Dungeon] I just told my boss the good news and…
[sees that all the prisoners has escaped]
Head Saracen Guard: …and… and I'm in deep shit!
→
Sheriff of Rottingham: He "deered" to kill a King's dare.
Sheriff of Rottingham: [realizing he said it wrong] He dared to kill a King's deer.
→
Scarlet: I hope she's still wearing her iron underwear.
Volter, veliki francuski pisac i najoštriji jezik XVIII veka, živeo je jedno vreme na dvoru pruskog kralja Fridriha I.
Fridrih je
smatrao sebe velikim vojskovođom mada na bojnom polju nikad nije stekao
slavu.
Zbog toga je odlučio da se ogleda na književnom polju. Fridrihovi
dvorani bez
prestanka su (i bez mere) hvalili filozofsko
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sočinjenije svog gospodara. Slušajući te razgovore, Volter se nije uzdržao, a da ne kaže: - Kraljeva knjiga slična je njegovom maču. - Kako je to tačno rečeno! –
stali su da se oduševljavaju laskavci. – Vi, svakako, her Volter,
želite tim svojim poređenjima da kažete da je knjiga njegovog
veličanstva tako oštra i blistava kao njegov mač? - A, ne. – odgovori Volter –
već da je isto toliko dugačka i tanka. [PZ #880/1968] ● ● ●
Upitali jednom novinari poznatog
američkog glumca Reksa Harisona ko je, po njegovom
mišljenju, najveći živi glumac. - Oh! – uzviknu on – ima nas više! ● ● ● |
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Francuski pisac i dramaturg Tristan Bernar primio je povodom svog šezdesetog rođendana brdo čestitki. Da bi zahvalio svojim mnogobrojnim znanim i neznanim prijateljima, Bernar je dao da mu se odštampaju karte na kojima je pisalo sledeće:
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"Među mnogobrojnim čestitkama koje sam primio, vaša mi je pričinila najveću radost". ● ● ●
Na večeri priređenoj u čast
otvaranja Automobilskog kluba Francuske, 15. IV 1896. godine Francuski
fizičar Marsel Depre (1843-1918) ovako je završio
svoju zdravicu: - Pijem za budućnost kad će
automobili juriti brzinom od 50, pa možda i 60 kilometara na čas,
umesto današnja 24 kilometra.
Konstruktor Levastr, zavrte glavom
i obrati se svom susedu za stolom: - Zašto mora na kraju ovako
dobrog ručka da priča gluposti? [PZ #877/1968] ● ● ● Jedan časopis iz 1866. godine doneo je, između ostalih, i sledeću vest:
Nedavno su u
Londonu mister Kolvin i mister Stenhop igrali partiju karata. Pogodba
je bila
da onaj ko izgubi priredi neobičan doručak. |
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Stenhop je izgubio i zbog
toga je
svom prijatelju obećao doručak na 2000 metara iznad zemlje. Sutradan
ujutru,
Kolvin je došao na određeno mesto u Hajd parku gde ga je Stenhop
očekivao
ispred jednog vazdušnog balona. Ukrcali su se u balon sa Stenhopovom
kuvaricom
koja je nosila namirnice i mali
roštilj. Stenhop je dao znak, balon
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znak, balon se "odlepio" od zemlje i počeo brzo
da se diže. Kuvarica je udarila u kuknjavu, ali ju je njen gazda umirio
rekavši joj: "A sad nam pripremite dva dobra bifteka. Samo pazite da ne
bude varnica jer smo onda propali". Drhtavim rukama kuvarica je pripremila bifteke, mister Stenhop se tada obratio svom prijatelju: "Održao sam reč: 300£ staje putovanje balonom, a 200£ će dobiti moja kuvarica za pretrpljeni strah. Može li se pripremiti skuplji doručak za dve osobe?" ● ● ● |
strastven matematičar koji je stalno tražio probleme – da bi imao šta da rešava. U restoranu, na primer, ne bi ni dodirnuo supu pre nego što bi izračunao koliko zapreminu ona zauzima u tanjiru.
Jedne večeri kelener mu je na kraju obeda doneo posudu sa voćnom salatom. Svaki komadić voća imao je drugačiji oblik i zapreminu. Tesline oči su zablistale. Problema je bilo čitavo brdo – uživanje za strastvenog matematičara. Uzeo je olovku i uskoro je njegova beležnica bila ispunjena nizovima brojki. Posle izvesnog vremena kelner mu je prišao i zapitao ga:
- Nešto nije u redu sa voćnom salatom? Vidim da je niste ni dodirnuli.
- Zašto ne bi bilo u redu? – odgovori Tesla i ne dižući glavu. – Odlična je... bolje ne bi mogla biti. [PZ #881/1968]
¤ Vi mora da ste sa Aljaske ako…
(SAD, poglavlje VII)
198. You know all 4
seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and
construction.
199. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
200. Your idea of a
traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a motor home on
the highway.
201. "Vacation" means going to Anchorage for the weekend.
202. You measure distance in hours.
203. You know several people who have hit moose more than once.
204. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
205. You use a down comforter in the summer.
206. Your grandparents drive at 65mi/h (105km/h) through 12 feet (4m) of snow during a
raging
blizzard, without flinching.
207. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
208. You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave
both
unlocked.
209. You think of the major food groups as: deer meat, beer, fish, and
berries.
210. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the grocery
store at
any given time.
211. You know what Bunny Boots are.
212. Having a moose in your front yard is a legitimate excuse for being
late to
school
213. There is nothing like Matanuska Maid… Who cares about Meadowgold,
Dairyland and Viva!
214. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item, even when
you're in
a rush, because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
215. You didn't know what the word "county" meant, and we were never
taught about "area codes"… 907 is all you had to know
216. You think bald eagles aren't that great
217. You know to go to Best Buy a month after a CD release because
that's when
it will finally arrive in Alaska
218. You wish seagulls came with a mute button
219. You can go to McDonalds and order off the $1,50 menu which they
feel is equivalent
to the $0,99 menu.
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