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Nedelja, 7. XI 2010.

U ovom broju donosimo: 2. Bračni razgovori Kako se razgovara, a kako ne. 3. Da li i vi imate problema sa kosom? Idealno rešenje za sve probleme sa kosom! 4. Brak i seks Teorije stand-up komičara 4. Seoska logika Čas logike 5. Običan dan u SAD Ili: Zašto propada američka ekonomija 5. Dangerous - safer - safest Kako izbeći nezgodne situacije 6. Locirajte se! Vi mora da ste iz… ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Kolorado, Kolorado Springs; 2345-2376) 8. Medical afflictions Medicinski problemi u svetu crtaća

Sačuvajte ovaj broj! Možete od njega da napravite: - molersku kapu - brodić - avion koji leti… Urednicima ostalih časopisa: Budite fer i ostavite link za ovaj časopis kad već uzimate materijal odavde!

BRAČNI RAZGOVORI

        Slično kao "Balkanski poslovni rječnik" iz broja №230. Levo je dobar primer bračnog razgovora, a desno loš. Može se to gledati i kao razlika u razgovorima posle nekoliko decenija braka.

O Dragi, jesi li se umorio? = Jadan ne bio, opet si se usafunjo! O Dragi, hoćeš li i danas s prijateljima na piće? = O'š se opet naroljat' k'o i juče? O Možda da razmisliš još o tome? = Je l' to u tvom selu krave pasu pamet djeci? O Baš bi mi prijala romantična večera uz muziku. = Haj' ti rasuči jufku, ali prvo meni naspi jednu rakiju i trkni kupi dvije-tri teretne pive. O Malo bih se odmorila poslije ručka. = Ko me probudi nogu ću mu slomiti.

O Imamo dvoje predivne djece = Imamo dva hajvana, jedu ko krmci, a isto tako i uče.

O Ba— si slatka večeras. = Slatka si ko ona Zekulja sa "Milka" čokolade.

DA LI I VI IMATE PROBLEMA SA KOSOM?

Opada vam kosa? Imate perut? Kosa vam je posle kupanja uvek mokra? Imate dlake na glavi? Razvijaju vam se niži primati u kosi? Svrbi vas glava posle 30 dana bez pranja kose? Ovo su samo neke tegobe s kosom koje muče milione i milione kao što ste vi! Naučna istraživanja su utvrdila da širom planete, svaka osoba bar neki period u svom životu ima kosu! To je zaista zabrinjavajuće! Zagađenost vazduha, globalno otopljenje i svetska ekonomska kriza nemaju blage veze s tim fenomenom i pojavom! Kako se boriti protiv toga? Predstavljamo vam nas najnoviji proizvod iz kozmetičko-degenerativne kolekcije BBB (Be Bold Bitch)! Da, niste pogodili! U pitanju je "Varikina 3000 Gold Platinum Plus"! Za samo nedelju dana, ostaćete bez celokupne kose i skalpa!

Milioni zadovoljnih ćelavaca svakodnevno nam šalje "Voice" mailove (verovatno jer su i oslepeli, pa ne mogu da nam pišu) zahvale i podrške! Pridružite se milionima zadovoljnih ćelavaca i postanite član "BBB" porodice!

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SEOSKA LOGIKA Putujem busom doma. Krcat je i ne dâ mi se gurati do aparata da poništim kartu. Zamolit ću ženu ispred da mi je poništi. Kako da joj se obratim, s ti ili vi? - Na predzadnjoj stanici nije sišla, znači putuje do kraja. - Malo je bolje promotrim i vidim da nosi bocu vina. Sigurno ide nekom muškarcu. - Vino ne spada među ona najjeftinija. Muškarac je dakle zgodan. - U mom selu su dva zgodna muškarca - moj muž i moj ljubavnik. - K mom ljubavniku sigurno ne ide jer ja sad idem k njemu. Dakle, ide mome mužu. - Moj muž ima dvije ljubavnice - Katarinu i Anu. - Katarina je trenutno na godišnjem. Na to ću: "Ana, možeš mi poništiti kartu?" Ana: "Mi se poznajemo?!?!?!?!"

BRAK I SEKS

1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I can't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings..." 5. There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop", unless they are used together. 6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. 7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly. 8. Virginity can be cured. 9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity. 10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. 11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small. 12. Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

13. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing…

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?

A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives!

OBIČAN DAN U SAD

Why America's economy fell off the cliff? John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (made in Japan) for 6 am. While his coffeepot (made in China) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong). He put on a dress shirt (made in Sri Lanka), designer jeans (made in Singapore) and tennis shoes (made in Korea). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in India) he sat down with his calculator (made in Mexico) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (made in Taiwan) to the radio (made in India) he got in

his car (made in Germany) filled it with gas (from Saudi Arabia) and continued his search for a good paying American job. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his computer (made in Malaysia), John decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (made in Brazil), poured himself a glass of wine (made in France) and turned on his TV (made in Indonesia), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in America.

And now he's hoping he can get help from the president (made in Kenya)!!!

DANGEROUS - SAFER - SAFEST

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

~ ~ ~

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?

SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

~ ~ ~

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST: I'm with you, honey, those guys are the scum of the earth.

~ ~ ~

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of vegetables left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? ~ ~ ~ DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day? SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today. SAFEST: I've always loved you in that bathrobe. LOCIRAJTE SE ¤  Vi mora da ste iz Kolorada ako… (USA, poglavlje XLIV) 2345. You think only stupid people get lost in your town. 2346. When giving directions, you never say "Turn left, turn right", it's always: go West, then South.

2347. During a thunderstorm you wonder "which I-25 underpass is flooding".

2348. You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and 6:00 in Spring or Summer months.
2349. If it rains more than 2 days straight you compare the weather to being in Seattle.
2350. You voted for higher taxes to fund Coors field, but voted down taxes for public transportation.
2351. You have a broken windshield.
2352. You see no reason to travel to Aurora.
2353. You carry your $3.000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.
2354. You thought "Californication" would be banned by Amendment 2.
2355. You think "South Park" is a place to stop for gas on your way to Buena Vista.
2356. You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald's in Vail.
2357. You have a flat tire in your refrigerator and your garage.
2358. You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna.
2359. You cast out your fishing line while white-water rafting.
2360. You've never seen the tourist attractions in your own city.
2361. You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman.

2362. You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding. 2363. Your real Y2K fear was running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix. 2364. The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. 2365. You personally wouldn't pay $10 per head to drive up Pikes Peak unless it was the only mountain on earth, but you tell all our house-guests to do it. 2366. You get depressed after one day of foggy weather. 2367. You think that formal wear is ironed denim. 2368. North means "mountains to the left;" south is "mountains to the right"; and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from.

2369. You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue.
2370. You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt and Birkenstocks.
2371. You see your East Coast relatives now more than when you lived there.
2372. You think gun control is a steady hand.

¤  Vi mora da ste iz Kolorado Springsa ako… (SAD, Kolorado, poglavlje XLV)

2373. You're tired of having to abbreviate "Colorado Springs" on mail, or having it get cut to "Colorado Spri" on fill-in forms.
2374. You remember the old, tiny Bijou bridge and when trucks would crash into it, backing up traffic forever.
2375. "Cheyenne" and "Air Academy" high schools were only for the rich, stuck-up Jeep-driving brats.
2376. If you went to Doherty, you thought Wasson was ghetto. If you went to Wasson, Mitchell was the ghetto. If you went to Mitchell, it was Sierra. If you went to Sierra… welcome to the effing ghetto, bitches.

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