EN362 - Nedelja, 13. II 2011.

U ovom broju donosimo: 2. Kriterij za zapo�ljavanje             Objavljeno ranije, ali dopunjeno 2. Re� uredni�tva             Povodom praznika 3. Engleski za grani�nu policiju             Priru�nik za BiH carinike 3. Remove me ti                                 Obrada pesme Gordane Stoji�evi� "Zagrli me ti i oprosti mi" 4. Molba za posao                             Circulum Vitæ u fazonu "na vrh mi je glave va�ih CV-a i �ivotopisa i biografija!" 4. �pigl - dvojnici poznatih             Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih li�nosti. 5. Locirajte se!                                   Vi mora da ste iz… ako je ve�ina ovih tvrdnji ta�na (Liban, Luizijana; 2779-2850)

Urednicima ostalih �asopisa: Budite fer i ostavite link za ovaj �asopis kad ve� uzimate materijal odavde! Pa�nja! Stavite mi�a iznad ѕlike da bi dobili prevod ili obja�njenje istih!

KRITERIJ ZA ZAPO�LjAVANjE             Ako vam pri procesu odabira potencijalnih kandidata za zaposlenje nije jasno u koji odjel tj. funkciju biste ih mogli iskoristiti evo postupka i kriterija:   1. Stavite 400 cigli u praznu sobu. 2. Uvedite sve kandidate u tu sobu i zatvorite vrata za njima. 3. Kandidate ostavite u sobi oko 6 sati i nakon toga se vratite u sobu i analizirajte situaciju prema sljede�im kriterijima:

Svim zaljubljenim �itaocima �elimo sre�an Dan zaljubljenih i puno lepih trenutaka u dru�tvu drage osobe.             Zbog praznika, objavi�emo par romanti�nih i slatkih slika, tako da mo�ete da ih po�aljete voljenoj osobi. Iskreno se nadamo da �e vam se svideti na� izbor. U narednom broju obe�avamo da �emo objaviti vi�e romanti�nih slika… za one koji su zaboravili da po�alju ne�to voljenoj osobi za Valentinovo. Va�a Redakcija

- Ako su prebrojali sve cigle - knjigovodstvo

- Ako su prebrojali sve cigle vi�e puta - revizija

- Ako su cigle razbacane bez vidljivog sistema po cijeloj sobi - razvoj i istra�ivanje

- Ako su cigle sistematski podijeljene po cijeloj sobi - planiranje

- Ako se ga�aju me�usobno ciglama – voditelji proizvodnje - Ako svi spavaju – za�tita na radu / portir - Ako su sve cigle usitnili u sitne dijelove - IT sektor - Ako samo sjede bez veze okolo cigli i razgovaraju o svemu i sva�emu - personal - Ako su ve� svi davno oti�li doma - marketing - Ako besciljno gledaju kroz prozor i doimaju se odsutnim – strate�ko planiranje - Ako su veoma razdra�eni i energi�no diskutiraju me�usobno, ali nisu pomaknuli niti jednu jedinu ciglu - uprava / top management

- Ako su sazidali profesionalnu peku s dimnjakom, spremili dobar gablec i svi su ve� pijani – tehni�ka slu�ba

- Ako su sve cigle nestale – vlada RH

ENGLESKI ZA GRANI�NU POLICIJU

Zbog lo�e slike (radi se o fotografisanoj stranici iz nepoznatog �asopisa), odlu�ili smo da ovaj �lanak objavimo kao tabelu. U pitanju je stvarni priru�nik za grani�are.

Engleski za grani�nu policiju English for Border Police
Engleski	Bosanski	Izgovor
I don't understand English so well	Ne razumijem engleski dobro.	Aj dont anderstand ingli� vel.
You do not meet konditions to enter BiH.	Vi ne ispunjavate uslove za ulazak u BiH.	Ju du not mit kondi�ns tu enter Bi Aj Ej�.
All right, you can go. Thank you.	U redu, mo�ete i�i. Hvala.	Ol rajt, ju ken go. Tenk ju.
Turn the engine off.	Ugasite motor.	Trn di end�in of.
Open the trunk, please.	Otvorite gepek, molim.	Open d trank, pliz.
Step out of the vehicle, please.	Iza�ite iz vozila, molim.	Step aut of d vijekl pliz.
Where are you traveling to?	Gdje putujete?	Ver ar ju traveling tu?
The reason of visit to BiH.	Razlog posjete BiH.	D rizon of vizit to Bi Aj Ej�
Which town you are going to?	U koji grad idete?	Vi� taun ju ar going tu?
How long are you stayin in the country?	Koliko dugo ostajete u zemlji?	Hau long ar ju steing in d kantri?
May I see your documents?	Mogu li pogledati va�a dokumenta?	Mej aj si jor dokjuments?
Welcome	Dobro do�li	Velkam
You are under arrest	Uhap�eni ste	Ju ar ander arest
Stop or I will shoot	Stop ili pucam	Stop or aj vil �ut
Don't shoot!	Ne pucaj!	Dont �ut!

REMOVE ME TI

Ostao je s tvog profila tag, odlazi�, a tako si mi drag. Mirim se sa tim - sa tobom gubim sve, a jo� me bole zadnje notifikacije dve! Blokiraj me ti i obri�i, stisni "remove" nemoj plakati. Jedno drugom smo lajkovali sve: prve linkove, slike, statuse… Sada pro�lo je… "Remove me molim teeeee"   [pesma: Gordana Stoji�evi� – "Zagrli me ti i oprosti mi"]

MOLBA ZA POSAO

            Porijeklom sam iz Jajca. Rodio sam se u Zadarskoj bolnici sa 5 dana zaka�njenja, jer ni tada nisam volio to�nost. S obzirom da sam imao defektan bubreg, bio sam prisiljen biti u inkubatoru neko vrijeme. Mozak mi tad nije bio razvijen pa se gugutanja i tepanja ljudi koji su me do�li gledati ne sje�am. Samo se sje�am rije�i "lijep",

"obdaren", "�elav na oca" i "bezzub". Ne znam kako, ali i dan danas mi to govore, pa po tome zaklju�ujem da �u ostat vje�no mlad.             Anyway, �ivio sam s roditeljima kao podstanar u predjelu grada zvanom Stanovi. Tu sam prvi put prohodao, nau�io koristiti WC �koljku, a i izrasli su mi mlije�ni zubi. Prije vrti�a pod nazivom "Ciciban", mama me nau�ila �itati i pisati, zavezati pertle na cipelama i plivati, a tata me nau�io voziti biciklu. Vrti�a se ba� i ne sje�am, osim jednog krasnog doga�aja, a taj je da mi je jedan dan Marica pri�la, prislonila obje ruke na moje obraze i poljubila me u usta. Taj �in su de�ki iskoristili da mi se rugaju, tako da sam bio prisiljen uzvratiti paljbom s obli�njim kamen�i�ima.             Nakon toga sam dobio svoj prvi kompjuter. Doti�na sprava je u sebi imala igre koje su mi omogu�avale da budem bilo �to, da

Hosni Mubarak ( حسني مبارك ) → Pingvin (iz stripa "Betmen")

razvijem svoju ma�tu i u�ivam u tom posebnom svijetu. Naravno, nisam Zanemario ni igranje s loptom. Kao pravi Zadranin, trenirao sam ko�arku. Uz to sam se bavio i plivanjem te biciklizmom, zbog �ega danas imam zavidnu mi�i�nu masu i Apolonsku gra�u tijela. Djevojke sam skroz zanemario, kompjuteri su mi bili zanimljiviji, a djevojke su predstavljale ne�to balavo, ne�to �to ima dobre ocjene, a nema mozga, ne�to �to se smije bez razloga. Ukratko, ne�to nedoku�ivo.

            Me�utim, jednog dana, jedna od pripadnica tog nedoku�ivog spola je do�la kod mene doma. Pokazao sam joj svoj kompjuter i obja�njavao joj svoje divljenje nad jednom igrom na doti�nom kompjuteru, kad me doti�na odlu�ila iznenaditi. Skinula se gola i rekla "Vidi �to ja imam". U maniri pravog istra�iva�a, pristupio sam istra�ivanju njenog tijela, te otkrio da je to daleko zabavnije od kompjutera. Prodao sam kompjuter i posvetio se doti�noj djevojci. Medutim, ne�to kasnije, otkrila se nedoku�ivost tog spola, jer me je doti�na odlu�ila napustiti i ostaviti bez njenog tijela i bez mog kompjutera. Tada sam shvatio da novac pokre�e svijet i da se moram zaposliti. To sam i u�inio, no poslovni svijet je imao tonu mana, koje meni nisu odgovarale, tako da sam bio prisiljen uvijek iznova tra�iti neki drugi posao. Novcem koji sam pritom zaradio, sam kupio novi kompjuter, a i iskoristio ga za udvaranje tom �udnom �enskom dijelu populacije. I�lo je poprili�no dobro i statisti�ki gledano, imao sam vrlo dobar uspjeh. S obzirom da danas imam 31 godinu, ovdje moram zavr�iti pri�u, jer jo� nije okon�ana.

(Gor�tak)

(vjerovali ili ne, ali gospo�a mi se javila nakon ovoga, rekla da sam ju odu�evio u moru bezli�nih �ivotopisa i da sam dobio posao…)

LOCIRAJTE SE

—       Vi mora da ste iz Libana ako… (poglavlje LIII)

2779. You use your forehead and eyebrows to point something out and you walk with attitude
2780. You get plastic surgery at least once in your lifetime
2781. You call a night club "a Night" and Dunkin' Donuts "theDunkin'"
2782. You go shopping with high heels and a micro skirt
2783. When you are indoors with your sunglass still on, coz you are too cool and you could always use another pair of sunglasses
2784. You are always aware of all the political issues around the world
2785. You are so "class" while everyone else is "nawar" ("vulgar" in Arabic)
2786. You won't drive anything that's not a Mercedes, BMW, or Hummer
2787. You constantly mix Arabic, French, and English when speaking Okay merci kteer, yallah bye!", "HI kifak ca va") or You always start a sentence with "wlak" (wlak Hi, wlak waynak? wlak 3esh min shefak?)
2788. You don't listen but only talk and you create noise wherever u go (that's why u hear others saying "i'm sure he/she is Lebanese")
2789. You say you hate all Khaleejis but you'll go work in Saudi Arabia or Dubai in a heartbeat

2790. Syrians are the butt of all jokes 2791. Your family "owns" at least one Sri Lankan servant! 2792. You can't do anything in life unless you have a wasta. (connections) 2793. You have about 40 cousins 2794. You have at least one relative named George, Ali, Elie, Ahmad, Tony or Hussein 2795. All your aunts want to hook you up with a guy/girl they know 2796. Family gatherings are filled with gossiping and cat-fights, where the women hang out in the kitchen and the men sit and discuss politics 2797. Going to church is a fashion show 2798. You have relatives smuggling diamonds in West Africa 2799. You bought your driver's license 2800. You don't have a job but you drive an SUV and upgrade your cell phone every month 2801. You only buy something if it is expensive enough, because the higher the price the better the quality, right? 2802. You dress like you're going clubbing all day everyday, probably because you do. 2803. If you are a Lebanese girl you give the look of death to another girl who looks better than you

2804. Your aunt is always asking when she can belly dance at your wedding
2805. When you arrive at an airport you find like 20 relatives waiting to greet you
2806. You always curse Lebanese people when you are in Lebanon, but when you live abroad you only make Lebanese friends
2807. The men always fight over who pays the dinner bill
2808. You teach Westerners all the Lebanese swear words
2809. You have to keep explaining to Westerns that Beirut is not just a drinking game
2810. Your refer to other Lebanese guys as "Cuz" "ya man" or "Bro"
2811. Your extended family is over your house all the time, discussing the latest family drama
2812. At least one conversation a day is about being Lebanese
2813. You use your mobile phone only to make missed calls or to receive missed call…

2814. You think wearing a leather jacket during the summer is cool 2815. You judge artists and singers based on there political view only 2816. You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life. 2817. You are very outgoing and open to other cultures 2818. At your parties there's always enough food for an entire army and you have to taste everything and finish your plate or your mom will say "harram". 2819. You are always late. 2820. You always have a story to tell. 2821. "Yalla" and "Walla" is part of your everyday vocabulary. 2822. You are always right!

2823. You refer to your dad's friends as "‘amo" (Uncle)!
2824. Your eighth wonder of the world is Haifa Wehbe
2825. You believe that you are not only perfect… You are Lebanese too

—       Vi mora da ste iz Luizijane ako… (SAD, poglavlje LIV)

2826. You think that crawfish is a direct gift from the Good Lord to us.
2827. You save newspapers, not for recycling but for tablecloths at crawfishboils
2828. You can properly pronounce Lafayette, Bossier, Natchitoches, Opelousas, Shongaloo, Pontchartrain, Ouachita, and you know that New Orleans doesn't have a long "e" sound anywhere in it.
2829. You have ever had a crawfish boil, fish fry, etc outside during a hurricane warning.
2830. You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a "New Orleans-based" movie or TV show.
2831. You know everything goes better with Tony's or Tabasco.
2832. You describe the first cool snap (below 70�F - 21�C) as good gumbo weather.
2833. You reinforce your attic to store Mardi Gras beads.
2834. Your ancestors are buried above the ground.
2835. You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says, "Don't eat the dead ones", and you know what he means.
2836. You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.

2837. You believe that purple, green, and gold look good together. 2838. Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled. 2839. You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team. 2840. No matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food. 2841. Your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don't care because you're #1 on the party chart. 2842. Your Santa Claus rides an alligator and your favorite Saint is a football player. 2843. You know what it means for food to come "dressed".

2844. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I am fixing to go to the store".
2845. Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside.
2846. You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.
2847. Little old ladies push you out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.
2848. You leave a parade with footprints on your hands.
2849. You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease.
2850. Your grandparents are called "Maw-Maw" and "Paw-Paw".

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