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Nedelja, 20. II 2011.

U ovom broju donosimo: 2. Employee performance review Ekskluzivno: Wikileaks otkrio za�to Klark Kent dosad nije izbačen ko kofer iz redakcije "Daily planet-a" 3. Error messages Obave�tenja o gre�kama 4. Pasulj Pored ljubavnih priča, zapostavili smo i bračne priče 4. �pigl - dvojnici poznatih Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih ličnosti. 5. Couples dynamics Kako okolina gleda parove 5. Mu�karci poludjeli za higijenskim ulo�cima Isečak iz novina 6. Locirajte se! Vi mora da ste iz� ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Luizijana, Luksemburg; 2851-2892)

Sačuvajte ovaj broj! Mo�ete od njega da napravite: - molersku kapu - brodić - avion koji leti� Urednicima ostalih časopisa: Budite fer i ostavite link za ovaj časopis kad već uzimate materijal odavde!

EMPLOYEE PERFOMANCE REVIEW

ERROR MESSAGES

● Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. ● Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. ● Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. ● Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE! ● Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test. ● Close your eyes and press "Esc" three times. ● Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. ● This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game? ● Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)" ● This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off." ● To "shut down" your system, type "WIN." ● BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

● COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

● CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)

● File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

● Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

● Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

● Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

● WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL&PAPER.SYS)

● User Error: Replace user.

● Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"

● Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

● Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.

● Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

● My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

● <-------- The information went data way --------

● Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression

● The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

● The name is Baud......, James Baud.

● Access denied - nah nah na nah nah!

● Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..

● Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

● As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

● SENILE.COM found� Out Of Memory�

● Who's General Failure & why is he reading my disk?

● Error exist between keyboard and a chair

PASULj

Jednog dana upoznala sam jednog divnog gospodina i zaljubila se. Kada je postalo jasno da ćemo se uzeti, odlučila sam da prestanem da jedem pasulj. Nekoliko meseci kasnije, na moj rođendan, pokvario mi se auto dok sam se vraćala kući s posla. S obzirom da sam �ivela na selu, pozvala sam mu�a i rekla mu da ću kasniti, jer sam morala da odpe�ačim kući. Idući tako, uz put sam nai�la na jednu malu krčmu iz koje se �irio miris pasulja i ja jednostavno nisam mogla da odolim. Po�to sam imala pred sobom da prepe�ačim jos milje i milje, predpostavila sam da ću se putem osloboditi svih nuspojava dok ne stignem kući. U�la sam u krčmu i za čas posla sam "sredila" tri porcije pasulja.

�PIGL � DVOJNICI POZNATIH Edi ("Ajron mejden") → Klint Istvud

Kada sam nastavila da pe�ačim, potrudila sam se da oslobodim sav gas.

Kada sam stigla, moj mu� je bio radostan �to me vidi i veselo je rekao: "Draga, imam iznenađenje za večeru!" Zatim mi je stavio povez preko očiju i odveo me do stolice za trpezarijskim stolom. Sela sam, i ba� kad je hteo da mi skine povez, zazvonio je telefon. Naterao me je da mu obećam da neću dirati povez dok se ne vrati, i oti�ao do telefona.

Pasulj koji sam pojela je jo� uvek radio i pritisak je postao nepodno�ljiv, tako da sam iskoristila priliku dok se moj mu� ne vrati, nagla se na jednu stranu i "pustila" jedan. Ne samo da je bio glasan, nego je i smrdeo kao kada kamion s đubrivom, prolazeći pored pilane, pregazi tvora. Uzela sam salvetu s krila i �ustro oduvala smrad. Zatim sam se nagla na drugu stranu i odvalila jo� tri. Smrad je bio gori od kuvanja kupusa. Naćuliv�i u�i na telefonski razgovor u susednoj sobi, nastavila sam ovako da ni�em narednih nekoliko minuta. Zadovoljstvo je bilo neopisivo. Kada je pozdravljanje preko telefona označilo kraj moje slobode, učinila sam jo� nekoliko brzih kru�nih pokreta salvetom da razduvam sve, vratila salvetu na krilo i uz osećaj zadovoljstva i olak�anja, spustila ruke na krilo. Lice mi je sigurno odavalo najneviniji moguć izraz kada se moj mu� vratio i izvinuo �to se tako dugo zadr�ao. Pitao me jesam li virila, a ja sam ga uverila da nisam. U tom trenutku, skinuo mi je povez i dvanaest gostiju koji su sedeli za stolom u glas je uzviknulo: "Srećan rođendan!!!" Pala sam u nesvest. MU�KARCI POLUDJELI ZA HIGIJENSKIM ULO�CIMA             U namjeri da imaju čisto auto, a da pri tom  prođu �to jeftinije, banjalučki vozači se ovih dana snalaze kako znaju i umiju. Prema riječima jednoga od njih, najpopularnija tehnika trenutno je brisanje �ofer�ajbe ni manje ni vi�e nego � "Always" ulo�cima. - Sjajni su. Bri�u odlično, odlično upijaju vlagu sa stakla. Uz to, vrlo su praktični, čisti i ima ih svaka �ena, pa vam se uvijek nađu pri ruci. Ne treba za svaku sitnicu ići u autopraonu. Najbolji su ovi novi, ultra sa nekoliko krilaca i slojeva � ka�e

jedan od vozača, koji na ovaj način gotovo svakodnevno čisti vjetrobran Golfa 2.

Ovu tehniku je, ka�e, saznao od svojih kolega, gdje se i uvjerio da funkcioni�e. Međutim, iako i �ene vole čist automobil, po�alile su nam se da na ovaj način često ostaju bez ulo�aka i u onim najte�im situacijama, �to mo�e biti problem.

- Koliko god ulo�aka da kupim, mu� ih potro�i. Sramota me da ih stalno kupujem, pa mijenjam prodavnice da mi kom�inica ne bi pomislila da nisam normalna � ka�e jedna od supruga vozača.

Kako stvari stoje, ova tehnika će trajati samo kod o�enjenih mu�karaca koji ulo�ke lako mogu "maknuti" od supruga, dok se malo ko od neo�enjenih usudi ući u prodavnicu kako bi kupio ulo�ke za svog ljubimca.

LOCIRAJTE SE � Vi mora da ste iz Luizijane ako� (USA, poglavlje LIV) 2851. You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm. 2852. When it starts to rain, you cover your beer instead of your head. 2853. You eat dinner out and spend the entire meal talking about all the other good places you've eaten. 2854. When you ask people where they went to school, they answer with their high school 2855. Drive-thru daquiris -- it's not drinking and driving until you put the straw in. 2856. You stand on the neutral ground at parades and have no idea what a "median" is. � Vi mora da ste iz Luksemburga ako� (FL, poglavlje LV) 2857. There's only one phone book for the whole country. 2858. You would never write the number 7 without the horizontal dash and the number 1 without the top hook. 2859. There's no public event without a "�irew�in".

2860. You call the Luxembourgish university according to its website address.

2861. You know that the President of that Federation might have gone to school with you.
2862. You keep complaining about the fights between French and Flamish Belgium, because to be fair, in 50 years they're going to be part of the European Federation anyway.
2863. You join Facebook groups, without reading their descriptions � because their titles sound good!

2864. You actually celebrate your national holiday, whereas most foreigners don't even know when theirs is. However, you celebrate it the day before in order to avoid having to go to work hungover. On the actual day of your national holiday you don't stay in Luxembourg, but go shopping to Trier. 2865. You get offended when North-Americans don't know where/what Luxembourg is, yet at the same time, you wouldn't know where Virginia or Manitoba is. 2866. You believe Luxembourgish is in the heart of Europe. 2867. You're truly obsessed with speaking Luxembourgish at your baker's. It also usually involves buying "eng M�tsch" (a pastry), but it rarely involves bread, and it's never a situation at the butcher's. 2868. You start sentences like, "I'm not a nazi" and talk about foreigners that need to integrate into Luxembourgish society by which you mean they should be able to speak Luxembourgish at the baker's. That's how far integration goes� 2869. You're in favour of monopolies: one company selling electricity, one selling gas, one selling telecommunications, one post office. You don't get this whole "shopping for utilities" thing. 2870. You end your English text messages (which you call SMS) with "BK" meaning "big kiss(es)" as a transfer from "DK" (d�cke kuss). 2871. A "Rieslingspast�it" is nothing unknown to you. 2872. When speaking English, you wonder why the other person doesn't understand you when you say "Handy".

2873. No matter where you are and what the weather is like, you have to complain about it.

2874. As a child you were confused by the fact that Santa Claus (a.k.a. Kleeschen) doesn't have a donkey, but a sleigh and reindeer in most films. Furthermore he is assisted by elves instead of Hous�cker.

2875. You were proud when your country beat Scotland during the Quidditch World Cup in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix". 2876. You have a customised car matric plate with your birthday on it. 2877. You can ride all the buses and trains in your country for 50� a year. 2878. The person who runs your country doesn't speak the same mother tongue as you. 2879. You celebrate "Bratzelsonndeg". 2880. You pronounce Montpellier "Montp�llier". 2881. You've told a million jokes starring a certain kid named "Pitti". 2882. An "old" car means it's over 5 years old. 2883. You don't drink tea. After all, you're not ill, are you? So there you go. Coffee, please! 2884. Your names and surnames are not in the right order, because the way you entered them is the way you are used to. 2885. You have prepared a speech in Luxembourgish. But, at the last moment a few unexpected people join the audience.

a) If 1 out of 100 auditors is French, you will perform your speech in French.

b) If 1 out of 100 is English and 10 are French, you will address the audience in English.

2886. You're in a seating concert and the person behind you will complain the second you stand up to dance. 2887. You think that Th�ringer with chips and side salad is a hell of a dish. 2888. You say "vu que datt". (Either the "que" or the "datt" are superfluous. So stop saying it!) 2889. You can't get to know anyone you don't share at least one friend with. 2890. You don't like to bump into Luxembourgish people when you're on holiday.

2891. You know that the Luxembourgish flag is soooo different from the Dutch.
2892. You say "I'm going to the city" and everyone knows exactly which city you're talking about.

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