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Nedelja, 7. VIII 2011.

U ovom broju donosimo: 2. Srpska lektira Iz istorije srpske političke scene 3. 911 math problem Klinac zove policiju da mu re�e problem iz matematike 4. �pigl - dvojnici poznatih Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih ličnosti. 4. Mc Microsoft �ta bi bilo ako bi "Mikrosoft" kupio "MekDonaldsa"? 5. CV hronike Interesantni Curiculum Vit� 6. Locirajte se! Vi mora da ste iz� ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Njujork; 3547-3593)

Sačuvajte ovaj broj! Mo�ete od njega da napravite: - molersku kapu - brodić - avion koji leti� Urednicima ostalih časopisa: Budite fer i ostavite link za ovaj časopis kad već uzimate materijal odavde!

SRPSKA LEKTIRA

1. "20.000 milja pod morem" - Pravci razvoja srpske privrede 2. "Doktor D�ekil i Mister Hajd" - Psiholo�ki profil vojvode �e�elja 3. "Slika Dorijana Greja" - Biografija Slobodana Milo�evića 4. "Franken�tajnova nevesta" - Kratke crte iz �ivota Mire Marković 5. "Pacovski kanali" - Načini investiranja u Srbiju 6. "Ne okreći se, sine" - Priručnik za dobijanje vize 7. "Put kojim se ređe ide" - Kolekcija pristupnica za Komitet i Univerzitetske levice 8. "I dalje put kojim se ređe ide" - Kolekcija pristupnica za Srpsku radikalnu stranku

9. "Orkanski visovi" - Stanje nacionalne ekonomije
10. "Braća Karamazovi" - Saga o usponu ni�kih automehaničara
11. "Zločin i kazna" - Turistički vodič za Zemun
12. "Pobuna na Kejnu" - Biografija Momčila Peri�ića
13. "Titanik" - Turistički vodič kroz Srbiju
14. "Idiot" - Saga o uspe�nosti srpske opozicije
15. "1984." - Plan rada Vlade Republike Srbije
16. "1001 neobja�njeni ekonomski fenomen" - Priče iz �ivota običnih građana
17. "Na obali reke Pedre sedela sam i plakala" - Ispovest penzionerke sa tek primljenim čekom
18. "Alhemičar" - Biografija Slobodana Milo�evića
19. "Gospodar Prstenova" - Rani radovi Slobodana Milo�evića
20. "Francuski u 100 lekcija" - Bucin turistički vodič kroz Rambuje
21. "I srce je na levoj strani" - Biologija za 1. razred osnovne
22. "Prohujalo sa vihorom" - O slobodi �tampe i govora
23. "Tri posleratna druga" - Priča o koalicionoj vladi SPS, JUL i SRS
24. "Isterivanje Boga, monografija" - Policijske akcije nad demonstrantima 91/99
25. "Povratak bludnog sina" - O izbacivanju Vuka Dra�kovića iz Savezne vlade
26. "Rakova obratnica" - Kratak sadr�aj Dnevnika 2 RTS
27. "Seobe" - Kompilacija svih nacionalnih programa S. Milo�evića 

28. "Mrtve du�e" - Uspesi nacionalnog programa
29. "Arhipelag Gulag" - Plan rada Direkcije za obnovu zemlje

30. "Optu�ujem!" - Govori ministra Matića
31. "Kako sam sistematski upropastena od idiota" - O ideji opozicije u Srbiji

32. "Nevidljivi čovek" - O saobraćajnoj nesreći na Ibarskoj magistrali 33. "Starac i more" - O �vercerskim aktivnostima Mile Đukanovića 34. "Ludilo" - Aktivnosti Aleksandra Vučića 35. "Armagedon" - ETF godinu dana posle Zakona o univerzitetu 36. "Čarobnjak iz Oza" � Novija istorija Jagodine 37. "Na Drini ćuprija" - Roman o mostu preko Ibra 38. "Porodica Adams" - Portret predsednikove familije 39. "Istorija sveta" � Biografija Jovana Krkobabića 40. "�ivotinjska farma" � Spisak svih odbornika u Skup�tini Republike Srbije 41. "Autostoperski vodič kroz galaksiju" � Priručnik za gastarbajtere 42. "Doviđenja i hvala na svim ribama" � Utisci sa crnogorskog primorja 43. "Uglavnom bezopasni" � Utisci stranih posetilaca EXIT-a, Guče... 44. "Magareće godine" � Odluke skup�tine SFRJ 1980-1990 45. "Hari Poter i vatreni pehar" � Priručnik za koktele 46. "Istorija Hogvortsa" � Istorijat Velike Albanije

911 MATH PROBLEM

Operator: 911 emergencies.
Boy: Yeah I need some help.
Operator: What's the matter?
Boy: With my math.
Operator: With your mouth?
Boy: No with my math. I have to do it. Will you help me?
Operator: Sure. Where do you live?
Boy: No with my math.
Operator: Yeah I know. Where do you live though?
Boy: No, I want you to talk to me on the phone.
Operator: No I can't do that. I can send someone else to help you.
Boy: Okay.
Operator: What kind of math do you have that you need help with?
Boy: I have take aways.
Operator: Oh you have to do the take aways.

Boy: Yeah. Operator: Alright, what's the problem? Boy: Um, you have to help me with my math. Operator: Okay. Tell me what the math is. Boy: Okay. 16 take away 8 is what? Operator: You tell me. How much do you think it is? Boy: I don't know, 1. Operator: No. How old are you? Boy: I'm only 4. Operator: 4! Boy: Yeah. Operator: What's another problem, that was a tough one. Boy: Um, oh here's one. 5 take away 5.

�PIGL � DVOJNICI POZNATIH �еljkо Kеrum → Dvorska luda

Operator: 5 take away 5 and how much do you think that is?
Boy: 5.

Woman: Johnny what do you think you're doing?!
Boy: The policeman is helping me with my math.
Woman: What did I tell you about going on the phone?
Operator: It's the mother�
Boy: You said if I need help to call somebody.
Woman: I didn't mean the police.

Mc MICROSOFT

If Microsoft Owned McDonald's:

1. Every order would come with fries whether you asked for them or not.

2. When they introduce McPizza, the marketing makes it seem that they invented pizza.

3. "A McDonald's on every block" - Bill Gates.

4. You'd be constantly pressured to upgrade to a more expensive burger.

5. Sometimes you'll find that the burger box is empty. For some strange reason you'll accept this and purchase another one.

6. They'd claim the burgers are the same size as at other fast food chains, but in reality it's just a larger bun hiding the small beef patty.

7. Straws wouldn't be available until after you finish your drink.

8. "Push" technology - they have McD employees come to your door and sell you Happy Meals.

9. Your order would never be right but the cash register would work perfectly for taking your money.

10. The "Special Sauce" cannot be reverse engineered, decompiled, or placed on more than 1 Big Mac.

CV HRONIKE

Objective:

To claw my way to the top using any means necessary� but then be a fair and just ruler, and bring your company to new heights, or whatever.

Personal attributes:

- Cat like reflexes � now you see me, meow you don't

- Possible ESP

- Knows when to hold, knows when to fold.

- Emits pleasant aroma(s)

- Horse-like laugh (optional)

- Extremly proficient in "Mariokart" for "Super Nintendo"

- Not bad at "sexy" dancing.

- 29 years old but have the facial hair of a 13 year old

- Can eat a LOT at one sitting. Oh, also I can moonwalk quite well

Experience:

- I am quite experienced with the McDonald's Menu

- One time I ride a horse but it bucked me off. I was injured and ended up gaining like 30lbs but then I shed that weight like snakeskin, very fast metabolism

- I have enough knowledge to write an essay on pretty much any subject (without researching it) - Acne lancer - Life coach Education: - Finished High school by the skin of my teeth (1999) - Spent most of time daydreaming out window but if you hire me things will be different, I swear. Reference: Eric Who better to tell you about me than� me. Holla!

LOCIRAJTE SE

� Vi mora da ste iz Njujorka ako� (USA, SD NY, poglavlje LXX)
3547. You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.
3548. Your closet is filled with black clothes.
3549. You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you.
3550. You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
3551. You take fashion seriously.
3552. Being truly alone makes you nervous.
3553. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
3554. Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip".
3555. America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
3556. You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form.
3557. You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
3558. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.

3559. $50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag. 3560. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories. 3561. You don't notice sirens anymore. 3562. You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns. 3563. Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian. 3564. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you. 3565. You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills. 3566. You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price. 3567. Your door has more than three locks. 3568. Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it. 3569. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. 3570. You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection. 3571. You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license. 3572. You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.

3573. You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent.

3574. There is no North and South. It's uptown or downtown.
3575. When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels.
3576. You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas.
3577. You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.
3578.Your internal clock is permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the Street parking regulations are in effect.
3579. You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats.
3580. Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet�
3581. You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas
3582. Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you.
3583. People from other states cant tell a polar bear from a peanut, but they know you're from NY the second you open your mouth.

3584. When you are able to make a right turn at a red light, you think it's the best thing ever. 3585. Rather than waiting safely on the sidewalk to cross the street, you wait inches away from speeding traffic waiting to cut through it. 3586. Your local news is national news. 3587. You walk a mile in 13 minutes and think that everything should be open 24/7. 3588. You think you know better than everyone else in the world� when in reality� well� you do. 3589. Communicating with people on the road only takes one finger. 3590. You order your dinner and have it delivered� from the place across the street. 3591. You cross the street on a greenlight, and if you get hit by a car you blame the driver for "not watching where they're going".

3592. You can tell a gunshot from a firecracker and not get scared, but when you go to the burbs you get scared of hearing a cricket.
3593. You know the lights above the skyscrapers is the closest thing we have to stars.

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