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Nedelja, 13. XI 2011.

U ovom broju donosimo: 2. Mala škola čvorova Kako vezati mornarske i izviđačke čvorove 3. Ćoroskop Frišak horoskop 4. Anegdote Doskočice poznatih ličnosti 5. Hrvatski software Najpopularniji računalni software u Hrvatskoj 5. Locirajte se! Vi mora da ste iz… ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Otava, Pakistan; 4030-4073) 7. Širom neta Izbori za Miss i Mistera na "Domaći.de" 8. Kupon Kupon za gorepomenute izbore

Sačuvajte ovaj broj! Možete od njega da napravite: - molersku kapu - brodić - avion koji leti… Urednicima ostalih časopisa: Budite fer i ostavite link za ovaj časopis kad već uzimate materijal odavde!

MALA ŠKOLA ČVOROVA

(prevod: Umete li da vežete ovo? Ne? E, pa vaš džep zna)

ĆOROSKOP

OVAN Posao: Ako vas ne uhvate kupite i meni nešto. Ljubav: Očekuje vas prijatno veče. Izlazite vi, vaša devojka i njen dečko. Zdravlje: Njen dečko je snažan, pripremite flastere. BIK Posao: Ukoliko jutros ustanete iz kreveta, obavićete veliki broj poslova u kupatilu. Ljubav: Pripazite, voljena osoba vam krišom buši kondome. Zdravlje: Sida se preko klozetske šolje prenosi tako što na istu sednete, a prethodnik još nije ustao.

BLIZANCI
Posao: Nemoj da brigaš, život se stara, dok bude ljudi biće i para.
Ljubav: Ukoliko pola sata sedite na svojoj levoj ruci, ona će dejstvovati kao tuđa.

Zdravlje: Mislite na svoju levu ruku. RAK Posao: Domaćice manje zbori da ti ručak ne zagori. Ljubav: Ljubavni život vam se vraća u normalu. žena ide u posetu rodbini na dve nedelje. Zdravlje: Uz ratna i mirnodopska odlikovanja neizostavno idu polna i venerična oboljenja. LAV Posao: Posao vam ne dâ da mislite na ljubav. Ljubav: Ljubav vam ne dâ da mislite na posao. Čime se vi to, pobogu, bavite? Zdravlje: Česta promena partnera izaziva rak materice. DEVICA Posao: Razmislite da li naplaćujete adekvatnu cenu za ruke. Ljubav: Ne mešajte posao i emocije.

Zdravlje: Mislite i na svoju desnu ruku.

VAGA Posao: Očekuje vas ogroman finansijski dobitak. Večeras. Ljubav: Srešćete partnera svog života. Večeras. Zdravlje: Moždani udar. Predveče. ŠKORPIJA Posao: Ne mešate se u svoj posao. Ljubav: Ljubav prema otadžbini vam nije uzvraćena. Zdravlje: Krajnje je vreme da se rešite pletenica pod pazuhom. STRELAC Posao: Zbog posla često odsustvujete od kuće. Ljubav: Vaš partner svakodnevno traži izgovor u glavobolji. Zdravlje: Osećate li rožnata zadebljanja na glavi?

ANEGDOTE Volter, veliki francuski pisac i najoštriji jezik XVIII veka, živeo je jedno vreme na dvoru pruskog kralja Fridriha I. Fridrih je smatrao sebe velikim vojskovođom mada na bojnom polju nikad nije stekao slavu. Zbog toga je odlučio da se ogleda na književnom polju. Fridrihovi dvorani bez prestanka su (i bez mere) hvalili filozofsko sočinjenije svog gospodara. Slušajući te razgovore, Volter se nije uzdržao, a da ne kaže: - Kraljeva knjiga slična je njegovom maču. - Kako je to tačno rečeno! - stali su da se oduševljavaju laskavci. - Vi, svakako, her Volter, želite tim svojim poređenjima da kažete da je knjiga njegovog veličanstva tako oštra i blistava kao njegov mač? - A, ne. - odgovori Volter - već da je isto toliko dugačka i tanka. [PZ #880/1968]

JARAC
Posao: Za poslovne neuspehe utehu tražite u piću.
Ljubav: On ili ona nikako da izađu iz vaše čaše.
Zdravlje: Ne sekirajte se, jetra je organ koji se regeneriše.

VODOLIJA Posao: Uprkos naporima na poslu je sve naopako. Ljubav: Osobe suprotnog pola prosto beže od vas. Beže i osobe istog pola. Zdravlje: Da li ste vi možda genije? RIBE Posao: Posao cveta, bili su praznici i kontejneri su puni. Ljubav: Ukoliko požurite do kioska sa giricama, iskoristićete jedinstvenu priliku da i vi ćapite neku ribu. Zdravlje: Muči vas: zadah iz usta, gljivice na nogama, znojenje pod pazuhom kao i cerumen iz ušiju i hemoroidi i bubuljice po nosu, te čirevi po

koži, celulit, kao i mnoga polna i venerična oboljenja, a i opadanje kose, grčevi u želucu. Ne gubite nadu, bar nešto možete spasiti. Ukoliko posle svakog češljanja kosu stavite u kesu; kroz izvesno vreme ćete je imati sačuvanu - u kesi.

HRVATSKI SOFTWARE

HDZ Service Pack 3, yatsa kossor edition

- minimal requirements: 2-4% harač disc, RAM PDV 23%,

- features : Slowenia compatibile, Sanader removal tool, Luka Bebić silent mode

SDP vlada release 1.0

- minimal requirements: 4 years primary school, RAM DDR/SFRJ/SSS…

- features: diaspora firewall, Milanović aero transparent head, Bandić Holding kunaless mode

HSS Alcohol CD burning rom

- minimal requirements: Friscic yetra 500 GB, six chicken motherfuckerboard

- features: everytime koalition vote-ready, blue toth, blue eye, blue moon, white mouse

HNS Photoshop

- minimal requirements: Quad Qrasan Qrac Core 4 x 2,94 Ghz

- features: Pusić face job look-a-like

LOCIRAJTE SE

¤  Vi mora da ste iz Otave ako… (CDN, SD OT, poglavlje LXXIX)
4030. You've been cut off in traffic by a car only to realize they had a Quebec plate.
4031. You've gone to Herongate Mall only to realize you need to kill more than 8 minutes.
4032. You actually know who the Capital Prophets were.
4033. You constantly complain about the lack of good bands that come to town because they always skip from Toronto to Montreal.
4034. You have a "special spot" where only you and 20.000 other people go to watch the Cananda Day fireworks.
4035. You breathed a gigantic sigh of relief after you found out that the sens avoided salary arbitration and signed Ray Emery. (Edit: Who is Ray Emery and why do we care?)
4036. You or any of your 3 closest friends owns a Ray Emery shirt from the 2007 cup run. (ugly T-shirts)
4037. You or at least one of your family members is employed by the federal government.

4038. You know that Dan Akroyd, Paul Anka, Keisha Chante, Bruce Cockburn, Brendan Fraser, Tom Green, Jessica Holmes, Peter Jennings, Peter Mansbridge, Massari, Mark McKinney, Alanis Morissette, Sandra Oh, Jesse Palmer, Matthew Perry, Barbra Ann Scott and Steve Yzerman are all from Ottawa and are damn proud of it. (With a few obvious exceptions) 4039. The mound of snow on your lawn during winter 07/08 was at least a story tall. 4040. You wonder what the hell the deal is with the new O-train line, is it gonna happen or not!? 4041. You've had at least one discussion with someone who is a little less then sane on Rideau street. 4042. You've grown ill at the lack of a senators post-season. 4043. Ottawa Rapids?! wtf?

¤  Vi mora da ste iz Pakistana ako… (PK, poglavlje LXXXI)

4044. You get shocked when someone slows down at a yellow light. Or stops when its red
4045. You live on giving "missed calls"
4046. You took tuitions even though you didn't reaaally need them
4047. You go by landmarks not street names
4048. You've screwed up your rights/lefts quite often
4049. Your argument in the Lahore-Karachi debate: "well we have a beach"
4050. You've never had dinner at a "Shādi" before midnight
4051. You blame everything on KESC (if you're from Karachi), and/or LESC (if you're from Lahore)
4052. You are not bothered when "straight" men hold hands or pinkies in public
4053. Standing in line is considered out of line
4054. Standing out of line is considered being in line
4055. Anyone older than you is an uncle or aunty
4056. Your relatives alone could populate a small city
4057. Everyone is a family friend
4058. You ask your Dad a simple question and he tells you how his university life was filled with studying in the dark, walking miles to get to school, balancing "100's of jobs" with school, supporting the entire family and only spending a few rupees on himself…
4059. You have annoying nicknames like "Chotu", "Munnō", "Pappu", "Guddu" etc…

4060. Your parents drink at least three cups of tea a day 4061. Your parents compare you to all of your friends 4062. Your parents are never satisfied with your grades 4063. After talking to a girl once, you think you are boyfriend-girlfriend and are already planning on getting married 4064. You don't give money to a beggar until he has at least three missing limbs 4065. Child labour does not bother you 4066. You think there is nothing wrong with the word "servant" 4067. You cannot complete a sentence in Urdu without using at least one English word

4068. Your grandfather/father has hair on their ears
4069. Your food needs more oil than your car

Do zaključenja ovog broja, za izbore za titule Miss i Mistera sajta "Domaći.de" još uvek je prijavljeno troje učesnika: jedna devojka i dva momka.

Prema planu, opet objavljujemo kupon. Pošto je jedno od pravila za prijavljivanje i 100 postova na forumu "Domaćeg", slikanjem sa ovim kuponom (tj. celom stranicom) članovima treba samo 50 postova.

Vaša redakcija

4070. You leave for lunches/dinners at least an hour after you say you are supposed to be there
4071. You invite people for lunches/dinners at least an hour before you actually want them to show up
4072. Your grandparents (or even parents) don't realize phone connections to foreign

countries have improved in the last few years, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls

4073. You wonder why nobody from your country is doing anything to improve it… and yet when asked where you want to settle down, you say "anywhere but Pakistan"

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TAKMIČENjE ZA TITULE MISS I MISTERA SAJTA "DOMAĆI.DE" ≈≈≈2011≈≈≈ GODINE
KUPON ZA BROJ: 400.