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Nedelja, 5. II 2012./7519.

U ovom broju donosimo: 1. Spasite peseka! Nestao pas 2. Snijeg u Podgorici Šta kažu Podgoričani kad vide snijeg? 2. Fejs-bruk! Smejurije sa Fejsbuka 4. Špigl - dvojnici poznatih Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih ličnosti. 5. Alan Ford Odabrani dijalozi i odvale 7. Locirajte se! Vi mora da ste iz… ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Rod Ajlend; 4453-4477)

Sačuvajte ovaj broj! Možete od njega da napravite: - molersku kapu - brodić - avion koji leti… Urednicima ostalih časopisa: Budite fer i ostavite link za ovaj časopis kad već uzimate materijal odavde!

SNIJEG U PODGORICI

* Belo, oko mene sve je belo, bez mene! * Ajdemote u "Deltu". Tamo snijeg ne pada! * I snijeg sa śevera preseli u Podgoricu, a ne ljudi. Ljepše mu ođe kod Mugija. * E, kako se dobro džipom vozit po snjegu! * Viđi ovo! Amerika ima samo jednu bijelu kuću, a mi milion! * Viđi što je ovaj ABS dobar! * E, đe nam ovaj snijeg palme nagrdi! * Ja bi sav ovaj snijeg u kakav kamijon natovario pa sve u kako jezero. Možda bi nam Italijani pojeftinili struju. * E, đe ću nagrdit ove "Pjaćoti" cipele! * Dajte mi bijele "Ugerice" za ženu. Ove sive joj odudaraju od ambijenta. * Prima se ovaj snijeg ka paradajz u Zetu. * E, sad će Mugi odma' napraviti bistu Sneška Belića! (Mugi = Miomir Mugoša, gradonačelnik Podgorice)

FEJS-BRUK!

            Pošto se svakog dana gomilaju svakakve odvale na "Facebook-u", na sajtu http://failbook.com/ su  počele da se pojavljuju slike sa istim. Predstavljamo vam najbolje odvale, a njih ima jako puno pa  je lakše da ih postavimo u tekstualnom obliku. Imena i slike profila su tamo zamaskirane, pa ćemo učesnike u komentarima predstavljati brojevima: [2], [3], [4] itd. Napomene će biti crvenom bojom.

[ FB ]

Status: The one day I do my math homework, my teacher decides to get into a car accident! -__-

[ FB ]

Status: If you had a time machine, what would you do?

[2]: I would travel to Egypt and use it there. I really want to know how they built the pyramids.

[3]: They enslaved curious time-travelers to build them.

[ FB ]

Chat (razgovor dva kladioničara):

- Eeee, dojava za prekosutra: Natakote United – Janakitu Dragons – kec u dvojku

- Pa nema toga na rezultatima!

[ FB ]

Chat:

- Baby, what do you do now?

- Nothing. I'm goint to bed, honey. And you?

- I am in a nightclub, just behind you.

[ FB ]

Status: Nema veze ako sam niska – otrov se čuva u malim dozama. ;)

[2]: Znamo da se otrov čuva u malim bočicama, ali brate, čuva se i govno za analizu

[ FB ] Status: Sestra mi se porodila... Dobio sam brata... :-) [ FB ] Status: Okay, computer brainiacs, I need your help. Whenever I try to record a video using my webcam and play it back, the video is a whole lot faster than the audio. How do I fix it? [2]: Talk faster. [ FB ] Status: I don't normaly do these types of things, but this was actualy pretty fun! Such gibberish! Type your name: Aaron Type your name with your elbow: aazrooln Type your name with your chin: aaasrfoinh b Slam your face on the keyboard: About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him – and I didn't know how potent that part might be – that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionaly and irrevocably in love with him.

[ FB ]

Chat:

- Baby I know it's too fast, but I realy want you. I don't pretend to do it now, I just wanna you to know that I care about you. I love & want you.

- Oh, hun, I love you too, and I also do, but I'm kinda afraid.

- Of what, sweetheart?

- That someday you'll love another girl and I'll be "just one of your ex-girls"

- Oh, sure one day I'll love another girl! In 10 years, and she'll call you "mommy"

- Your house, 15 mins.

(sa sajta "Demotivation", podnaslov: "This guy should get an award")

[ FB ]

Chat sa pevačem Dejanom Matićem (pravi nalog):

- Haha, kad bi ti bio Dejan!

- Jok bre, ti si. :D

- Koji je tvoj zadnji album jer ja sam veliki obožavalac njega, a i Dejan na nesreću nevidi pa reci koji njegov zadnji album da vidim

- Pevam 14. januara pevam u Beču, pa ako možeš dođi da vidiš da li sam to ja... Sva sreća pa ne vidim da sam dva puta napisao PEVAM... :-D

[ FB ]

Status: If gay men were allowed in the army back in WWII, "Saving private Ryan" would be a lot shorter because there is no way it would take 3 hours for a group of gay men to find Matt Damon.

[ FB ]

Chat:

- Someone just told me you looked like an owl... O_o

- Who?

- ;)

- Who?

- ;)

[ FB ] Status: Nothing is ever black and white. [2]: Skunks are. [3]: And newspapers. [2]: Penguins [3]: Old movies [2]: "Oreos" [3]: Zebras [2]: Dalmations [3]: Killer whales [2]: Michael Jackson [ FB ] Chat: Girl: What does the weather have to do with laundry?

ŠPIGL – DVOJNICI POZNATIH Ova... devojka? → Maga Vračević

Me: I have to walk to the laundromat. I don't have a car.

G: That makes no sense.

M: What?

G: You can't get to class without a car.

M: Um, yeah I can. I do it every day.

G: That's stupid. How are you supposed to get anywhere without a car?

M: Well, I have these amazing devices that are attached to my lower body which, when engaged, create movement which enables mobility.

G (stares at me confused, obviously not catching my sarcasm): Do you buy those at, like, the "Apple store"?

[ FB ]

Status: "Iron lady"... a seriously misleading film... lol

[2]: Why? I thought it looked good.

[3]: He thought it was a sequel to "Iron man"

[ FB ]

Status: An ant just crawled under my keyboard. But I have it under Ctrl

[2]: Did you make it Tab out?

[3]: Just give it some Space

[4]: Make sure it doesn't Esc.

[ FB ]

Status: 2 months and 36 days left.

[ FB ]

Status: Please recommend to me some books that will blow my mind.

[2]: "Twilight". You'll start reading it and then shoot yourself in the face.

[ FB ]

Status: RIP "Megaupload". Let us have 72 minutes of silence, followed by a 30 minute waiting period before we can continue our mourning.

[ FB ] Status: My doctor's diagnosis: viral inner ear infection, labyrinthitis, in conjunction with an oncoming head cold. [2]: Labyrinthitis? If this involves Muppets and David Bowie, it will be worse than a head cold. [ FB ] Status: So, anyone got a good idea for something fun we can do on my birthday? I've already heard laser tag. [2]: You could each go to a different car dealership, you know the ones that give you free coffee to make you feel at home, and take the same make and model car out for a test drive (along with a smoothtalking salesman, of course). Then meet up eachother at a predetermined location like an arena or small field and park the cars around eachother to form an inescapable ring. Then you put all the salesman together in the middle with some crude, but effective gladiator style weapons and tell them that you'll buy a car from whoever lives. It's cheaper than a movie and there's free coffee.

[ FB ]

Iphone:

- I heard you're going out with my ex. How does the used pussy feel?

- What can I say? After the first two inches, like a new one...

- F*ck you...

ALAN FORD

Mušterija: Ovo je cvjećarnica? Htjela bih pola kilograma cvijeća.

Šef: Rekli ste pola kilograma? Da ih zamotam ili ćete ih potrošiti ovdje? [27]

(pošto je ona mušterija otišla)

Šef: Trideset centi, nije ni to loše. Morat ćemo nabaviti blagajnu.

Bob: Za čuvanje buha? [27]

Šef (Jeremiji): Mrtvaci koji leže deset godina u grobu izgledaju svježije od tebe. [27]

Dobrotvorka: Evo, to ti daju najbolja i najmilosrdnija srca u čitavom New Yorku sa željom da se njihovo ime upiše zlatnim slovima na listu darovatelja. U kutiji imaš malo mesa, malo sira, pekmeza, dvopeka i veliku fotografiju tih ljudi meka srca. Siromašni klinac: Hvala, vještice! [27] Broj Jedan: I znaj, nosati Sherlock Holmesu, ako ga ne pronađeš, ispričaću ti, redak po redak, cjelokupnu putešestviju Odisejevu, zatim požar Troje sve do povratka u Itaku! Bob: Što? Pronaći ću ga! Pronaći ću ga! [27] (mesar sa satarom juri Alana i Nosonju) Brok (zaustavlja ga): Hej, vi! Što vi radite s tom sjekirom? Imate li oružani list? Mesar: Sjekira? Kakva sjekira? Oh, to? To mi služi za čišćenje noktiju. Svakog dana idem u šetnju i iskoristim to da očistim nokte. Znate, u mesnici to ne mogu činiti s obzirom na higijenu. Brok: Higijena? Lijepa mi je to higijena! Mi smo anti-Superhik ekipa i nemamo vremena za te gluposti. I neka to bude posljednji puta da na javnom mestu čistite nokte! Mesar: Budite sigurni, inspektore, neću ih čistiti više nikada u životu! [28]

Jeremija: … a čir na dvanaestercu preselio se sigurno na trinaesterac! [28]

Sir Oliver: "Časni uzmak bolji je nego nečastan poraz", rekao je netko, možda baš Max Bunker (jedan od autora "Alana Forda"). [28]

Broj Jedan (Lampu): Izumitelj? A što ste dosad izumili? Lokomotivu na jedro? [28]

LOCIRAJTE SE

¤ Vi mora da ste iz Rod Ajlenda ako… (SAD, poglavlje LXXXVII)

4453. You read them because they are about Rhode Island and that makes you proud.
4454. You've voted a convicted felon into office at least twice!
Your a native Rhode Islander and you know you're not in Rhode Island if:
4455. Your new friends start asking you to repeat words such as car, potato, pizza, barber, and chowder.
4456. You see a car with RI plates and you have an urge to ask: "What pot?"
4457. You ask a friend who's going to Rhode Island to bring back some Saugy's and/or hot weenies.
4458. The car in front of you is using its turn signal.
4459. You'd gladly shell out $35 for a black market bottle of coffee syrup!
4460. You've driven 5 miles in a populous area and have not seen a Dunkin' Donuts.
4461. You ask the waitress for a grinder and she gives you directions to Home Depot or Lowe's.
4462. No one wishes you a Happy St. Joseph's day.
4463. You don't get VJ day off from work.
4464. You receive blank stares when asking where the "bubbla" is located.

¤ Vi mora da ste iz San Franciska ako… (SAD, SD CA, poglavlje LXXXVIII)

4465. You take a bus and are shocked that two people are carrying on a conversation in English. 4466. Someone says "tenderloin" and you don't think of steak. 4467. You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it. 4468. A really great parking space can move you to tears. 4469. You know that anyone wearing shorts in July must be visiting from Ohio. 4470. You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits. 4471. Your boss runs in "The Bay to Breakers"… and it's not the first time you have seen him/her nude. 4472. You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aroma therapy, conversational mandarin, or a building your own website class. 4473. You haven't been to "Fisherman's wharf" since the first month you moved to San Francisco, and you couldn't figure out how to drive to Coit Tower if your life depended on it. 4474. You were born somewhere else. 4475. Left is right and right is wrong.

4476. You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.
4477. You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.

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