Nedelja, 6. V 2012./7531.
|
U ovom broju donosimo:
�aljiva
pesmica o bračnim odnosima
Pilotske dosetke
Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih ličnosti. 6. Alan
Ford
Odabrani dijalozi i odvale
Vi mora da ste iz� ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Tajland; 4783-4797) |
|
 |
THE MAN SONG
|
I
don't take no crap from anybody! (...else
but you) I
wear the pants around here! (...when I'm finished with your laundry) 'Cause I'm a guy you don't want to fight! When I say "jump" you say "yeah, right". I'm
the man of this house! (...until you get home) What
I say goes around here! (...and right out the window) And
I don't want to hear a lot of whining! (...so I'll shut up) The
sooner you learn who's boss around here! (the sooner you can give me my orders, dear) 'Cause
I am the head honcho around here! (but it's all in my head) |
 |
And I
can have sex anytime!
(...that you want)
'Cause
I'm a man who has needs!
(...but they're not that important)
And don't expect any flowers from me!
'Cause
if I'm not mistaken
(...you prefer jewelry)
I'm the
king of my castle!
(...when you're not around)
And I'll
drink and watch sports whenever I
want!
(...to get into trouble)
And I'll
come home when I'm good and ready!
(...to sleep on the couch)
Because a man's got to do what a man's got to do!
And I'm
going to do
(...what you tell me to)
Because I'm top dog around here!
�but I've been neutered!
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeznTN0YW-4
Song by Sean Morey)
(prim. ured.: postoji i "The woman song", ali je dosta o�trija pa je nećemo objavljivati)
KOKPIT - TORANj
Delta
351: Give us another hint. We have
digital watches!
● ● ●
Tower: TWA 2341, for noise
abatement turn right 45�.
TWA 2341: Centre, we are at
35,000 feet. How much noise can
we make up here?
Tower: Sir, have you ever
heard the noise a 747 makes
when it hits a 727?
● ● ●
 |
From an unknown
aircraft waiting in a very long
takeoff queue: Aircraft:
I'm f...ing bored! Ground
Traffic Control: Last aircraft
transmitting, identify yourself immediately! Aircraft: I said I was f...ing
bored, not f...ing stupid! ● ● ●
A
student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to
locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked: "What was your last known
position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff." ● ● ●
A
DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll
out after
touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right
turn
at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take
the
Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return
to the
airport." |
A
Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the
following:
Lufthansa
(in German): Ground, what is our
start clearance time?
Ground (in
English): If you want an answer
you must speak in English.
Lufthansa
(in English): I am a German,
flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?
Unknown
voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): Because you lost the
bloody war!
● ● ●
One
day the pilot of a "Cherokee 180" was told by the tower to hold short
of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out,
turned
around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some
quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said: "What
a
cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The
Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a
real
zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and
I'll
have enough parts for another one."
Ground (with quite
arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206",
have you not been to Frankfurt before?
● ● ●
While
taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight
departing
for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
United 727.
An
irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right
onto
Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know
it's
difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
right!!"
Continuing
her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God!
Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out!
You stay
right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect
progressive taxi
instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where
I tell
you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes,
ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally,
the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after
the
verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the
irate
ground controller in her current state of mind.
Tension
in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just
then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,
asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
● ● ●
True
conversation heard at Hanover Airport. The young woman in Tower has
recently finished
her training and is still not completely at ease. BA 123 is at holding
position runway 09R. Another aircraft is
doing approach procedures for a landing on the same runway. Tower
wishes to
expedite take-off for BA 123:
Tower: BA 123, are you
ready for a quickie?
BA 123: Lady, I'm always
ready for a quickie, but first I
have to fly this plane to Helsinki!
 |
● ● ● ATC: Cessna G-ABCD What
are your intentions? Cessna: To get my Commercial
Pilots Licence and Instrument
Rating. ATC: I meant in the next
five minutes not years. ● ● ● (Heard on the radio - Really ) Cessna: Jones tower, Cessna
12345, student pilot, I am out
of fuel. Tower: Roger Cessna 12345,
reduce airspeed to best glide!
Do you have the airfield in sight? Cessna: Uh... tower, I am on the south ramp. I just want to know where the fuel truck is. ● ● ● |
Cessna
152: Flight Level Three Thousand,
Seven Hundred.
Controller: Roger, contact
Houston Space Centre
(prim. red.: "3700"
znači 370.000 stopa �to je isuvi�e velika visina za Cesnu)
● ● ●
|
Beech
Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me
to taxi in front of the 747. ● ● ● ATC: N123YZ, say
altitude. N123YZ: Altitude! ATC:
N123YZ, say airspeed. N123YZ: Airspeed. ATC: N123YZ, say cancel
IFR. N123YZ: 8000 feet, 150 knots
indicated ● ● ●
A
beautiful summer day with good thermals, near Billund airport, Denmark: Billund
ATC: Gliders 82 and D5, state
position and altitude? G82: Overhead Coal Lake, 6400 feet. D5: Same position, same
altitude. ATC
(cool, dry voice): So should I go
get my collision report form? ● ● ● Tower: Mission 123, do you
have problems? Pilot: I think, I have lost
my compass. ● ● ●
Female
terminal controller to a male pilot after a lengthy request: "Last time
I
gave a pilot everything he wanted, I was on antibiotics for three
weeks." ● ● ● Controller: USA353 (sic) contact
Cleveland Centre 135.60. (pause) Controller: USA353 contact
Cleveland Centre 135.60! (pause) Controller: USA353 you're just
like my wife you never listen! Pilot: Centre, this is USA553,
maybe if you called
her by the right name you'd get a better response! |
 |
● ● ●
Tower: Hawk 20, is this the
same aircraft declaring emergency
about two hours ago?
Pilot: Negative, Sir. It's only the same pilot.
ALAN FORD
 |
- To je poklon za
vas. Miris od tvrtke "Septicus". Potpi�ite i odnesite! - Nikad nije
vjerovati po�tarima. U najboljem slučaju kasnite nekoliko desetljeća.
Jučer sam dobila brzojav od sina: javlja mi se da su se iskrcali u
Normandiji. [47] - Je li riba
svje�a? Htio bih jedan komad, ali samo ako je svje�. - Svje�a? Zar ne
vidite da su jo� �ive? Poskakuju kad udarim koljenom po kutiji. [47] Broj
Jedan: Kad
je uginula ova ribica? Prodavac ribe: Na dan tvog rođenja. Dakle, prije osam tisuća godina, brbljavi starče! [47] Prodavac
ribe 2:
Nikad nitko ne dolazi k tebi ponovo jer �uri na groblje! Prodavac
ribe 1: Vrijeđa�? Ja imam
najmanje sedam �ivih kupaca, a ti jedva tri, a ti i ne jedu ribu! Prodavac
ribe 2:
Ne mora� me tući svojom ribom! Dovoljno je da mi je stavi� pod nos �
neću pre�ivjeti, kunem se! [47] Broj
Jedan: Idem
do Grunfa da vidim �to radi, ako uopće ne�to radi. I ako slučajno zna
�to radi, i čemu bi to moglo slu�iti! [47] TV:
"Oblak
je prekrio cijeli grad i pocrnio sve, čak i televizore u boji..."
[47] |
Doktor: Nama�i
dobro svoju �taku pa te neće vi�e mučiti reuma. Hajde,
slijedeći!
(�ef
i Jeremija
uleću kroz prozor)
Doktor: Rekao sam
"slijedeći" u jednini, a ne u mno�ini! Na �to se tu�ite?
Septikus: U maloj
kapsuli nalazi se plin čudesna djelovanja. Tko ga udahne, odmah dobije
nesavladivu �elju da razara, da uni�tava sve oko sebe... floru i
faunu...
Grunf: Tu
posljednju dvojicu ne poznajem, zaista! [47]
Alan: Stani! Ima�
"Vinčesterku" kalibra 146 uperenu u leđa!
Bob: Zapravo, dvije "Vinčesterke" kalibra 73 �to je ukupno 146! [47]
LOCIRAJTE SE
�
Vi mora da ste iz Tajlanda ako� (T, poglavlje XCIII)
| 4783. Nothing is better
than 2
for 1 night� 4784. You miss the old Don Muang airport which actually worked, which is amazing for 4785. Everybody on the street becomes immobilized twice a day, at 8 am and 6 pm, when the national anthem is played. 4786. You walk into the movies at 9:20, when the actual show time is 9:00, just to avoid the prolonged commercials. 4787. You notice that most gays are better looking than straight guys, and that pretty girls aren't always girls. 4788. You have a yellow shirt with "Rao Ruk Nai Luang" written on it in red. 4789. You have played a coin-operated PS2 with a soccer game in it at any of the malls you go to. 4790.You have bribed your way out of every traffic violation. Or most likley said to the police officer if he can pay the ticket for you while you slip him a 100 baht and drive on. 4791. 120km/h on the speedometer is just normal everyday driving. 4792. Even though it is the most dumb ass and idiotic thing we do, driving home after partying is something we all have done. |
 |
4793. The
reason you went to Villa supermarket in high school was only because
they had the long Rizzla paper.
4794. "Johnny walker" black label. Its either Black-soda or
black-coke.
4795. You never check the weather forecast (hot or hotter today?)
4796. You forgot that there are such things as "seasons" in other
countries
4797. You think that it's weird that motorcycles can take up and entire
lane in
other countries.
