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Nedelja, 13. V 2012.

U ovom broju donosimo: 2. The man (and woman) song Šaljiva pesmica o bračnim odnosima 4. Somebody I used to know Parodija na pesmu 4. Špigl - dvojnici poznatih Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih ličnosti. 5. Alan Ford Odabrani dijalozi i odvale 7. The Kama Sutra of sleeping for couples A kako vi spavate sa voljenom osobom? 7. Locirajte se! Vi mora da ste iz… ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Tajland; 4798-4821)

Sačuvajte ovaj broj! Možete od njega da napravite: - molersku kapu - brodić - avion koji leti… Urednicima ostalih časopisa: Budite fer i ostavite link za ovaj časopis kad već uzimate materijal odavde!

THE MAN (AND WOMAN) SONG

U prošlom broju smo objavili ovaj tekst, ali nismo i drugu pesmu jer je malo oštrija. Na molbu jedne čitateljke, odlučili smo da je ipak objavimo. Takođe objavljujemo obe pesme da bi sve bilo u kompletu.

Vaše Uredništvo

Ladies and Gentleman… "The man song" I don't take no crap from anybody! (...else but you) I wear the pants around here! (...when I'm finished with your laundry) 'Cause I'm a guy you don't want to fight! When I say "jump" you say "yeah, right". I'm the man of this house! (...until you get home)

What I say goes around here!

(...and right out the window)

And I don't want to hear a lot of whining!

(...so I'll shut up)

The sooner you learn who's boss around here! (the sooner you can give me my orders, dear) 'Cause I am the head honcho around here! (but it's all in my head) And I can have sex anytime! (...that you want) 'Cause I'm a man who has needs! (...but they're not that important) And don't expect any flowers from me! 'Cause if I'm not mistaken (...you prefer jewelry) I'm the king of my castle! (...when you're not around) And I'll drink and watch sports whenever I want! (...to get into trouble)

And I'll come home when I'm good and ready!

(...to sleep on the couch)

Because a man's got to do what a man's got to do!

And I'm going to do

(...what you tell me to)

Because I'm top dog around here!

…but I've been neutered!

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeznTN0YW-4 Song by Sean Morey)

THE WOMAN SONG

Ladies and Gentleman… "The woman song"

I am woman, hear me roar

(if you don't open my door)

I can do anything that a man can do

(but I don't have to)

All the female sex has a lot more has a lot more class

(unless we're lookin' at a male stripper's ass)

I'm a 21st century gal

(but I can't set my VCR)

Well I am not your hooker (but you can still be my handy) Cause sex is a special thing (and a darn good weapon) Because my body belongs to me (until I get dinner and a movie) I don't sleep arround (until I do a credit check) And I have a mind of my own (which I change every two seconds) And I'm not afraid to ask for directions (cause I can't fold a map) And I stand behind my man (so I can nike him as much as I can) And I can fight in combat (but I can't kill a spider) And I never tell a lie (but I will fake an orgasm)

Cause I am the real McCoy

(except for my boobs and my face)

And I don't take drugs and I don't drink booze

(but I am addicted to buying shoes)

And I'm very proud of my age...

which is none of your freakin' busines!

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmuqq729DPM Song by Sean Morey)

SOMEBODY I USED TO KNOW

MARK Now and then we like to play one guitar together And that's convenient since we only have the one Tony sold our other instruments To pay some gangsters but he's still in debt And if they catch him he will surely be dismembered Tony is addicted to wide array of narcotics He claims they help him write but we're a cover band I'm not sure why we keep him in the band Maybe it's because he drives the van The rest of us can only drive an automatic TODD This used to just be my guitar Now Dave is banging on it like he's fucking Tito Puente

ŠPIGL – DVOJNICI POZNATIH Pakistan → pingvin

We look sad because we're starved
Tonight for dinner we're splitting a candy bar
We are the poorest band in the world
We have to act like we are camping, but we're really homeless
I don't even own this voice 

We had to borrow it from Peter Gabriel
Don't you know you gotta shock the monkey

MARK
Climbing up on Salsbury Hill
TODD
Sledge hammer
DOUG
OOMPA LOOMPA DOPATY DO
My feet are cold cus Tony sold my shoes
STASIA
I don't think that we should blame our problems all on Tony
Tony not the only dead beat in this band
I don't want to name any names
But Derek, Timothy, and Dave
Each have fooled around with me
I threw up this morning and I'm gonna have a band baby
TODD
You could've mentioned that before
How can we afford to put a kid through kindergarten.
MARK
Hey guys where did Tony go
You all know that Tony can't be left alone

TODD Now he's got the camera and If he sells it then we'll officially have nothing Theres nothing Tony can't destroy But none of us knows do the plinky noise EVERYONE The clinky noise TODD We need Tony EVERYONE To do the clinky noise TODD Somebody get Tony EVERYONE He does the clinky noise TODD And send us some money

EVERYONE
For the clinky noise
STASIA
My stomach feels funny

ALAN FORD

Broj Jedan: Da, to je ona stara škola od 32 stoljeća unatrag... [49]

Broj Jedan: To si rekao dva puta, Tobijase! Podsjećam te, stari majmune, da si postao još stariji i još majmunastiji! [49]

Tobijas: Ako za tri mesjeca ne nađem 10.000 dolara očekuje me propast!

Broj Jedan: Ako si me namamio ovamo da bi izvukao pozajmicu, onda si se prevario. Nedavno sam morao obnoviti postrojenja u mojim rudnicima srebra i na to sam potrošio tri milijarde dolara. Preostalo mi je nešto sitniša za cigarete i lilihip. [49]

Nosonja piški na tablu na kojoj piše "Zabranjeno piškiti" [49]

(pijani džokej se naopačke popeo na konja)

Trebalo bi pitati dežurnog veterinara gdje se zagubila konjska glava... Silno nam je potrebna. [49]

(pošto je svoje sinove, koji liče na neadertalce, iznajmio cirkusu da ih prikazuju kao "Blizance iz Neandertala")

Tobijas: Djeco moja najmilija! Imat ćete raznolik život, zdrav zdrak! Smjestio sam vas u oporavilište, a mr. Vatrožder zna kako se postupa sa djecom! [49]

(Bob se penje na konja) Bob: Što mu je sad odjednom? Zašto mi se smije? Tobijas: Ne smije ti se. Sad je deset ujutro, a to je doba kad on njišti. [49] Broj Jedan: Moramo naći tisuću dolara da ga prijavimo za utrku. On je klasno grlo i ima sve izglede da se plasira. Sir Oliver: Da, Visosti. Nedostaje nam još 999 dolara, ako, kojim slučajem, sada raspolažemo jednim dolarom. [49] Bolničar: Možeš izaći! Zdrav si! Milogled Bluff (Superhik): A zašto? Bolničar: Zato jer se odavde obično izlazi s nogama naprijed, s rukama na trbuhu, položen na tvrdo drvo. Shvaćaš? [51]

Radio: "Zbog dramatičnosti teksta, duboke melodioznosti arije, raspekmeženog raspoloženja i besmislenosti poruke; prvom nagradom nagrađuje se pjesma "Amor" koju ćete sada čuti sedamnaest puta uzastopce" [51]

(inspektor Brok otpakuje svoj sendvič)

Brok: A sada, bilo bi mi drago da napustite ove prostorije u kojima se radi, a ne ljenčari. Čeka me odgovoran zadatak.

Bob: Zašto? Pa možemo vam i mi pomoći kod likvidiranja tog zadatka. [51]

Broj Jedan: Grunfe! Vrati se u svoju jazbinu i ne izlazi dok ne izmisliš nešto delotvornije! Rok: dva dana! U protivnom, dat ću te strijeljati četiri puta dnevno! Jasno? [51]

LOCIRAJTE SE

¤ Vi mora da ste iz Tajlanda ako… (T, poglavlje XCIII)

4798. International School students don't talk to the kids that go to public schools
4799. You're in a shopping mall al least once a week
4800. You go to the arcade at least once a week
4801. When speaking "Thai" half the words in the sentence are English.
4802. People have "jobs" like giving out parking tickets, opening doors, and picking trash
off the street.
4803. You get a "Thai rate" when buying stuff
4804. You need to stand up at the movies when the Anthem plays
4805. Sometimes the police tell you to speed up
4806. Popcorn gets all mushy after an hour (humidity)
4807. "Farang" are so annoyed at the Thailand salespeople, but they need to bear with it because of such great prices
4808. You worship trends and fads. (braces, korean hairstyle, being dek naew).
4809. You know that no matter how much money you have, the Thai food on the street is always better than the Thai food in the big hotels and resturaunts.
4810. You know that if you want to see real snow, its either a trip to a different country and continent, or you can just go to dream world.
4811. You get in a taxi with an elder member of your family, and they start having a long conversation with the taxi driver, as if they knew each other.
4812. Some people just dont know when to stop staring at you.

4813. Its an everyday activity to cross a road full of cars and motorbikes, and they dont slow down for you. 4814. Its normal to see a whole family on a small motorbike, with the mother holding a baby. 4815. A truck with the back full of people and driving at 100+km/h i somethign that you dont think is dangerous. 4816. You go out partying, and in the morning you check your camera and your phone, and you realise that you made friends with people from 4 different countries, kissed a gay man, and somehow became best friends with the bouncer after telling them your life story when you were wasted. 4817. As you get older, you start to use Taxi's less and start to use the busses and BTS more. 4818. If you go to college, you can work if you want to. If you dont, you must work because you have to. 4819. You still recieve an allowance from your parents even after you've finished school.

4820. Your parents complain about how much money you ask from them, but you know that what they give you is only 1% of what they spend per day.
4821. It doesn't even occur to you to put leftovers in the refrigerator.

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