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Nedelja, 27. I 7532.

U ovom broju donosimo: 2. Fejs-bruk! Smejurije sa Fejsbuka 4. Ove nedelje u bioskopu "Ode on" Drugi deo filma "Titanik" 5. Mu�ke Odabrani dijalozi iz kultne serije 7. Locirajte se! Vi mora da ste iz… ako je ve�ina ovih tvrdnji ta�na (�kotska; 5566-5584)

Sa�uvajte ovaj broj! Mo�ete od njega da napravite: molersku kapu, brodi�, avion koji leti… Urednicima ostalih �asopisa: Budite fer i ostavite link za ovaj �asopis kad ve� uzimate materijal odavde!

FEJS-BRUK!

Po�to se svakog dana gomilaju svakakve odvale na "Facebook-u", na sajtu http://failbook.com/ su po�ele da se pojavljuju slike sa istim. Predstavljamo vam najbolje odvale, a njih ima jako puno pa  je lak�e da ih postavimo u tekstualnom obliku. Imena i slike profila su tamo zamaskirane, pa �emo u�esnike u komentarima predstavljati brojevima: (1), (2), (3) itd. Napomene �e biti crvenom bojom.

[ FB ] Status: Relationship starts with trust. (2): No, it doesn't. It starts with R. (1): And what is that? [ FB ] Eric Idle: Lance Armstrong stripped of seven titles for taking drugs. Imagine if that applied to the "Grammys", how many would be left? [ Twitter ] Status: What the hell is "Minecraft"? (2): Hitler's lesser known second book about his love of knitting. [ FB ] Status: I think Washington only passed the marijuana and same sex laws so that people wouldn't think of it as the state "Twilight" happened in...

[ FB ]

Status: Behind every dark cloud is a clear sky!

(2): And behind that clear sky is a never ending darkness.

[ Twitter ]

Man�melou se jede tako �to se prvo skine �okoladni preliv, zatim belo punjenje i na kraju keks. SVAKI DRUGI NA�IN JE BOLESTAN! (Dopisnik iz Srema; @pera_vampir:)

[ FB ]

Status: My first instinct when I see an animal is to say hello... My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

[ FB ]

Chat:

(1): Proda� stranicu?

Pokojna Mileva: Ma�ko, razgovara�emo kad svrati� do mene. Ako me razume�...

(1): Gde kod tebe?

Pokojna Mileva: Pa, kad stigne� ovde kod mene, ma�ko. Ja sam u istom ulazu sa Sadamom, vrata do Petra Kralja. Samo pazi da ga ne pome�a� sa kraljem Petrom, on je na drugom spratu, a mi smo na tre�em. Ma, samo pitaj Silvanu u prizemlju - ona �e znati.

[ SMS ]

Status: Na svadbi sam sad. Smor.

(2): Ko se �eni?

(1): Otkud znam. Do�ao sam da jedem. Ahahahaha

[ FB ]

Status: I have such a sleeping problem. Slept through 3 different alarms today.

(2): You have a waking problem. Your sleeping would appear to be fine.

[ FB ]

Status: OMG! Soooo I don't like dolphins anymore!!! Squirrels are my new favourite reptile! Sooooo cuteeeee!

(2): Neither a dolphin nor a squirrel is a reptile. [ FB ] Status: A week of being a vegan = success! I am celebrating by having meatballs and spaghetti for dinner. :-) [ FB ] Status: Just overheard a US tourist complain how Australian winter is way too hot and she is glad she isn't here in July... [ Twitter ] Sva ta mitska bi�a dana�njice: jednorozi, Anonymusi, vampiri, vukodlaci, plata... (@ZdenkoVoloder:) [ SMS ]

True story:

As I dropped off a friend at LAX I was informed Ashley Greene from "Twilight" was right in front of me. This is how our conversation went down... in front of a crowd of people.

Me: Hey, I loved you in "Harry Potter"!

AG: I wasn't in "Harry Potter"...

Me: "Hunger games"?

AG: No... I was in "Twilight"...

Me: Oh... Never hear of it.

(Me - 1; AG - 0)

[ FB ]

Status: I met my sole mate tonight...

(2): Soul*

(3): You two have the same shoe size?

(1): No, sole 'cause he's the only one for me... Duh. So dumb.

(3): Sole also refers to a marine fish as well as the bottom of your foot... Take your pick.

(1): Sole, adjective, one and only. I don't have a soul, silly.

[ Twitter ]

Tom Anderson: (biv�i vlasnik "MySpace-a")

People keep asking, so I'll say it: fear over "Instagram's" terms change is ridiculous... Get real, folks!

P*** T***:

... says the guy that was not able to keep a social network alive.

Tom Anderson: ... says the guy who sold "MySpace" in 2005. for $580 milion while you slave away hoping for a half-day of. [ Twitter ] If the Mayans taught us anything, it's that if you don't finish something - it's not the end of the world. [ FB ] Status: All I want for Christmas is happiness... Wrapped in candy canes. (2): Alcohol filed candy canes is a great idea! [ FB ] Status: My mom asked me if I can put something more "Christmassy" on TV. So I put "Fifa 13" and played in snowy conditions. [ FB ] Status: I'm bored. Any girls wanna hand out? (2): Sure. What you wanna do? (1): Not you, grandma. [ FB ] Status: There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy... her heart. ♥ (2): Or your feet. You always go crazy when I do that. (boyfriend) [ FB ] Status (21. decembra): Before we all die, there's something I have to confess... I let the dogs out. [ FB ] Status: Where did this snow come from? o_O - Well, there was a Daddy flake and a Mummy flake...

- The terrible vengeance of the Ice Giants upon us trembling mortals!

- Tiny ice aliens from Neptune launching an invasion.

- Bloody Ice King is crying again...

[ FB ]

Status: The last 60 winners of the Miss Universe pageant have been from Earth. I dunno man, seems fixed.

[ FB ] Status: I just ate a ton of food. I'm more stuffed than the bra's at a "One direction" concert. [ FB ] Status: Why are ALL guys such assholes? (2): No one told you to try them all. [ FB ] Status: Just heard the most epic stupidity ever! A friend was working in "Gregg's" and one of the local employees said: "Wolves don't exist. They are only in 'Twilight'" [ FB ] Status: So I think the bank teller was flirting with me. Good day after all. (2): And did you get her phone number? (1): Nah. Hard to flirt with a girl that knows you're flat broke. Lol

MU�KE

● C4 Yesterday never comes

Deda (za kredenac): Ne deluje mi toliko staro!

Del: Kad si ti bio momak ovo je verovatno bio samo nacrt! Za svakoga ko je ro—en nakon Napoleonovih ratova, ovo je antikvitet.

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Del: Stavi�u oglas u novine, ali ne znam koju cenu da stavim. �ta ka�ete na 95?

Deda: Za�to ne zaokru�i� i ne tra�i� celu funtu?

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Del: Ovo �udo je pre�ivelo �pansku armadu, crnu smrt i blickrig. Onda vas dvojica tupad�ija do�ete, i za 5 minuta uni�tite komad nacionalnog nasle�a.

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Miranda: Zvala sam ranije. U vezi va�eg oglasa o radnom stolu Kraljice Ane. Ostavila sam poruku jednom starijem �oveku. Nije zvu�ao ba� pouzdano.

Del: Da, on je retko pouzdan. Vidite, pretrpeo je udarac u glavu.

Miranda: Kad se to desilo?

Del: Uskoro.

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Rodni: Ne ume� da govori� francuski. Jo� se pati� i sa engleskim.

Del: �ta je to sa tobom? Svidela ti se bolni�ka hrana?

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Del: Imala je malo problema sa piletinom. Bila je malo gumena. �vakala je jedan zalogaj pola sata. Mislio sam da �e po�eti da duva balone.

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Miranda: Zaista si mislio da sam u�ivala u dru�tvu �oveka koji me je lupio po zadnjici, zvao me "du�o" i napao moj digestivni sistem sa tre�erazrednim karijem?

● ● ● Del: Zna da znam mnogo o antikvitetima. Rodni: Oh, da, da. Pa, izlazio si sa ve�inom. ● ● ● Miranda: �ta je to? Del: Zove se Tekila sanset. Miranda: Li�i na d�in! Del: Da… Nestalo mi je tekile. ● ● ● Miranda: Tvoja baka mora da je imala ukusa. Del: Ne ba�, udala se za mog dedu. ● C6 Wanted Del: Toliko su ru�ne, da �ak i li�e! Rodni: Del, to su slu�ajno dve sestre. Del: Oh, sestre! Oj, devojke, jeste li videli skoro Pepeljugu od ven�anja? ● ● ●

Triger: Jednom je optu�ila mog ro�aka.

Del: Koga? Mladog Sidnija?

Triger: Ne - Marlin. Mada, Marlin je oduvek bila mu�kara�a.

Bojsi: Oh, da imala je kratku kosu, proteze i lulu poslednji put kad sam je video.

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Bojsi: Naravno, �uo sam da prima elektro-�okove, zna�. Svaka tri meseca, odvedu je i priklju�e joj glavu na dr�avnu mre�u. Svetla su se videla sve do Vatforda!

Triger: Ka�u da je bila du�evno zdrava kada su zavr�ili.

Bojsi: Dok nije dobila ra�un za struju!

● C7 Who's a pretty boy

�ankerka: Zna� onaj kaput koji si prodao mome ocu? Ima veliku grbu na le�ima.

Del: To je original kamilja dlaka, zar ne?

● ● ● Denzil (o Rodniju): Da nije toliko beo, zakleo bih se da je crn! Del: Da, beo je, zar ne? Denzil: Najbelji �ovek kojeg sam video! Rodni: Nisam ba� toliko beo! Del: Jesi! Pored tebe albino izgleda bronzano! Rodni: Ne mislim da sam toliko beo! Del: Jesi. Izgleda� kao prokleti donator krvi koji ne zna da ka�e "dosta"! (kasnije je rekao da li�i na anemi�nog duha) ● ● ● Korin: Ako ho�e� da oni urade dekoraciju, neka ti! Ali obe�avam ti ovo, Denzile: ako ne�to po�e naopako, za�ele�e� da je tvoja mama imala glavobolju one ve�eri kad si za�et! ● ● ● Rodni (o kanarincu): Del, ako je ovaj druga�iji, odmah �e provaliti. Del: Deda, idi do veterinara i uzmi njegov zubni karton! ● C9 Licenced to drill (unpublished)

Del: Vidi� �ta mislim, deda. Ljudi u ovoj zemlji pojma nemaju o naftnoj industriji Severnog mora. Mislim, odakle sva ta nafta dolazi?

Deka: Iz benzinske pumpe.

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Del: U redu. Nafta nastaje od fermentisanih praistorijskih biljaka i raspadnutih fosila. Vidi�, ako stavi� paprat u dedin gornji d�ep, za deset miliona godina od sad on bi mogao da pokre�e Morris Marinu!

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Deka (poslu�uje klopu): Evo tvoje ve�ere, Del Boj... Rodni, tvoj doru�ak.

.

LOCIRAJTE SE

● Vi mora da ste iz �kotske ako… (UK/SCO poglavlje CIII)

5566. You have seen someone hock a loogie walking down the street without flinching (like it was the most normal action in the world!). 5567. There are no barristers, only advocates. Judges are called Sheriffs. 5568. You nearly always walk past someone on the left. 5569. You get pissed off when cricket is on TV and change channel immediatley. You really couldn't give a shit whether England just beat India in the latest one-day cricket international. 5570. You say "How" instead of "Why". E.g. "How's that then?" or "How no?" 5571. You use the word "the" even when you don't need to. "When I went to the High school". 5572. You know how dodgy a place is by the number of tanning salons and betting shops it has. 5573. You have tried to kick one of those dirty pigeons that infest your civic square. 5574. Tourists have seen more of Scotland than you have. 5575. You walk on pavements covered in "chuggy".

5576. You don't beep your car horn just for the hell of it like the Italians or Spaniards. Someone really has to cut you up for you to reach for the car horn!
5577. You understate things all the time. E.g. the Scottish lotto winner who won 35 million; "I've won a wee bit of money". If a Scottish guy was asked his opinion of, say, Jennifer Lopez he'd probably say: "Aye she's naw bad like, wee bit of a looker".
5578. Your granny or great auntie or some other elderly family member has knitted you a horrendous wooly jumper, and no matter how itchy it is, you are made to wear it because "your granny knitted you that, you should be grateful!"
5579. You get a jag from a doctor not a jab!
5580. A football match wouldn't feel right if you didn't have a Scotch pie and Bovril at half-time.
5581. You know a Scottish male can have a telephone conversation using only the words "Awright", "Aye" and "Naw".
5582. You have strange names for body parts. Bum - Bahookie, Face - Coupon/Puss, Armpit - Oxter etc.
5583. If you don't know someone's name, you refer to them as Jimmy. "Here Jimmy, do you know when the next train is coming?" (Mainly Glaswegians).
5584. Any above average size guy is called "big yin" while any young guy is referred to as "wee man".

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