=●=
Nedelja, 2. VI
7532.
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U ovom broju donosimo: 2.
Fejs-bruk!
Smejurije
sa Fejsbuka 4. Tagulator
Najbolje fore i doskočice sa newsgrupa (bez cenzure
i bez reda) 6. Ove
nedelje u bioskopu "Ode on"
Album "Let it be" od "Bitlsa" (mačje izdanje) 7. Mućke Odabrani dijalozi iz kultne serije
Vi mora da ste iz… ako je
većina ovih tvrdnji tačna [bivša Jugoslavija (pleonazam, zar ne?),
makedonska dijaspora; 5880-5892] |
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FEJS-BRUK!
ošto
se svakog dana gomilaju svakakve odvale na "Facebook-u", na sajtu http://failbook.com/
su
počele da se pojavljuju slike sa istim. Predstavljamo vam najbolje odvale, a njih ima jako puno pa
je lakše da ih postavimo u tekstualnom obliku. Imena i slike profila su tamo zamaskirane, pa ćemo učesnike u komentarima predstavljati brojevima: [1], [2], [3] itd. Napomene će biti crvenom bojom.
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[ FB ] Status: My cat is pregnant! I'm gonna be a
daddy!
[ FB ] Tommy went from being "engaged" to
"single" [2]: Did your blow-up doll pop?
[ FB ] Status: Someone tried to convince me today
that the Sun is a star. The Sun is a Sun
so how 'bout you take second grade again? [2]: It's a star... [1]: No, the stars are in the sky
[ FB ] Status: What does a man have to do to be
reincarnated as a koala? [2]: He needs the right koalafications.
[ FB ] Status: Da mi je znati kako je ovim curama
što nemaju sise. Kako li one žive? :D [2]: Živimo isto tako ko što ti živiš bez
mozga, samo je nama puno lakše! ;) |
 |
Status: I used to hate my life. My mother
died when I was a baby, and my father
abandoned me. Thankfully, my aunt and uncle took me in. However, I
never felt
like I belonged with them. I was the stereotypical rebelious teen
because of
it. I always wanted to get away and meet my father. I don't know why.
They told
me that my father was long gone and I would never meet him. I finally
wound up
the courage to get away. I went on a amazing trip. I met a bunch of
friends and
they even helped me discover that I had a sister! However, on the same
journey,
I found out my father had turned to the dark side. Then he chopped off
my hand.
But eventually I brought down the empire and brought balance to the
Force.
[2]:
Then your best friend got it in with
your sister.
[ FB ]
Status: I need "Google" in my brain and
antivirus in my heart...
[2]: And photoshop on your face.
[ FB ]
Kyle: Would like to make it absolutely
clear to everyone, that if I die today, I
want to be cryogenically frozen so that I can be brought back to
brighten up
your lives in years to come.
[2] (njegov tata): Kyle, I'm having you stuffed and used as a hatstand.
[ FB ]
- What's a nice way to tell someone
(that) you hate everything they do?
-
Tell them they
remind you of "Nickelback"
-
Perfect!
[ FB ]
Status: Only in LA would you see a
homeless man lying shirtless on the side of the
road sunning himself, not even on the curb... Literally ON the road!
[2]: Only in LA would someone see an
injured/distressed homeless man lying shirtless on the side of the road
and
think: "Oh, he must be working on his tan!"
(na slici: dečko je stvarno preko ove uplatnice pozvao službenicu banke u izlazak)
[ FB ]
Status: Just saw a man holding a sign that
said "Ples help". Luckily I
was able to help his grammar, I had a sharpie in my purse. :-)
[ FB ]
Status: How to get a hot boyfriend (4 lajka)
[1]: Oops! I thought this was
"Google"...
[1]: But really, does anyone know how?
[1]: Guys, can y'all please stop liking this?
It's not helping... I need answers!
[ FB ]
Status: Well... That book is a
disapointment...
[2]: Were you reading your diary again?
[ FB ]
Status: If you ever feel stupid, just
remember that there are apparently people who
think that the world is 2013 years old.
[2]: Then why is it 2013?
[ FB ]
Status: Eric: I love my mother more than I love
my phone! My mom
is the best mother in the whole world!
Janet (majka):
Ahhhh,
Eric, you're so sweet! ♥
Eric: Left my Facebook logged in this so
not true... >.>
Janet: What? You don't love me? I bought
you a game and everything... Ungrateful
brat!
[ SMS ]
-
This guy keeps
texting me... And I don't wanna talk... -_-
[ FB ]
Chat:Branka: Nadam se da ne spavate. Htjela sam
vas nešto pitat. Voljela bi da
učestvujem u probnom popisu stanovništva. Kako se mogu prijaviti?
Popis stanovništva: Popis stanovništva je završio
primanjem
članova, međutim, ukoliko želite da budete dio
vokalno-instrumentalnog sastava bitno je da znate svirati neki od
instrumenata,
po mogućnosti klavijature i da posjedujete određeni urođeni talenat
za to.
Branka: Ako bude neko odustao, bude
prazno mjesto javite mi. A šteta, ja sam vam
slala poruku u aprilu, ali napisala sam da samo imam pitanje, a vi
niste
odgovorili. A obaveze su tu, razumijem... Što se tiče sviranja, ne znam
ništa. Žao mi je. A za popis, visokoobrazovana sam i korektna osoba,
sigurno.
Popis stanovništva: Jaranice, mi smo bend. Nemamo veze
sa popisom
stanovništva. Osim što sviramo.
[ FB ]
Status: According to astronomy, when you
wish upon a star, you're actually a few
millions years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.
[2]:
Good thing I don't believe in astronomy.
:-)
[ FB ]
Chat:
-
Hey! :)
-
Hey! :) We
could be friends, or... We could be more than friends, if you know what
I
mean...
-
Bestfriends?
-
No... More. ;)
-
Oh! ;)
Mega-best-friends.
- -_-
 |
[ FB ] Status: Scotch or Votka? [2]:
Yes
[ FB ] Status: I'm on the edge with you! ♥ [2]:
I know ♥ [3]:
*push*
[ SMS ] - Who are you?
Someone changed all my contact names - What did they change my name to? - Batman - DON'T CHANGE IT
BACK! - But who the f**k are you?
[ FB ] Status: Do they have 4th of July in
England? [2]: No. We had to surrender that date from
our calender to you Yanks 235 years ago. Our calender now skipes over
the
fourth and goes right to the fifth.
[ FB ] |
[2]: Congrats! Who's the lucky dad?
[1]: You are *v*
[2]: -__-
[ FB ]
Status: The only female who haven't told
me the line "You are like a brother
to me" is my own sister
[ FB ]
Status: I have the best boyfriend! :-) I'm
sick and he made me breakfast in bed
yesterday.
[2]: No I didn't! What the f**k!!! I find
this out on FB???
[3]: Ooops!
[2]: WTF! Answer your phone!
[4]: Dear Failbook...
[ FB ]
Status: My roommate is on a date and said
he's convinced this girl is coming home
with him tonight. I just covered his room with Justin Bieber pictures.
Now we
wait.
[ FB ]
Status: I couldn't possibly be happier
right now. For the first time in my life, a
girl told me that she loves me.
[2]: Aren't moms great?
[ FB ]
Status: Waiting for my flight to Africa!
Can't wait to see where the "Lion
king" was filmed!
[ FB ]
Chat:
-
Ljubavi, gde
izlazimo večeras? :-)
-
Srećo, ne
znam. Umorna sam. Čitav dan sam kupila šljive i brala krompir. :(
Jedino
ako dođeš do brda sa traktorom po mene? O:-) ♥ Možemo do polja?
-
Ajde, eto me sa
frezom... :) Čekaj me na brdu :* ♥
-
Važi u 9?
Srećo, jedva čekam da te vidim. Samo zatvorim kokoške i eto me. :*
Cmok ♥
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[ FB ] Chat: Baš ti hvala što si me ostavila. Ono, baš ti hvala. Znaš li ti koliko sam ja samo tebe volio, al' hajd' nećemo to uzimati u obzir. Uzet ćemo jednu drugu stvar. Znaš li koliko sam kredita potrošio na tebe? Pa, šalji, pa zovi, pa poruke, pa opet šalji... Za te pare mog'o sam coklu u kuće izlit! Ono što sam plak'o za tobom, mog'o sam mami na njivi pomoć sijat. A i ona tvoja jaranica, da Bog da naopako obukla cipele. Svaki put se vukla za nama i pila kafe i sokove na moj račun. Pojela je 2kg luka, a zamisli tek ćevapa kol'ko to izađe. Još svaki put kupi kiselu. "Žgaravica me muči". Muči nju mozak! I one žvake. Svako normalan žvače "sumrak" (Eclipse), a vi hoćete one "Arvejs". Još insan što bi ostavio za poslije, kaže: "Daj 2, ko na reklami". Da Bog da nikad reklame u svom životu ne vidjela više! [ FB ] Status: Don't wear black people [2]: Ladies and gentlemen, this is why commas
are a huge benefit to the English language. |
[ FB ]
Među
hrvatskim Fejsbuk grupama pojavile su se i one koje upozoravaju vozače
gde
je saobraćajna policija postavila patrolu da kontroliše vozače.
Jednog dana, na grupi "Policija zaustavlja – Split" se pojavila
ovakva poruka:
Status: 13:45 Kod škvera put Jokera na
Ugibalištu zaustavljaju!
Ubrzo
su dobili ovakav odgovor:
Mup Hr: Ne zaustavljamo. Svratili smo na
ćevape.
(inače,
o ovoj vesti bruje hrvatski
mediji što dokazuje da je "Leteći bumbar" i dalje u toku
zbivanja)
[ FB ]
Status: Can't believe the FBI are real
people. Thought it was just for films and
"Criminal minds"!
[ FB ]
Status: I hate when I step into water with
socs on!
[1]: Me too!
[1]: I just realized this was my own status
MUĆKE
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● F1 Yuppy love (nastavak iz prošlog broja) Miki: Šta je bilo? O čemu se tu radi? Rodni: Zove se Kasandra. Živi u Blekhitu
i odbaciće me kući. Miki: Ima auto? ● ● ● Miki: Vas dve stanujete u Blekhitu? Kasandra: Da. Miki: Čula si ikada za bar "Klub kraj
reke"? Ema: Ni za to nisam čula. Gde je? Miki: Kraj reke, zar ne? ● ● ● Kasandra: Ja sam čula za to. Ima užasnu
reputaciju,
pun je sumnjivaca. Miki: Ja sam član! Kasandra: Oprosti. ● ● ●
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Albert: Baciću ono đubre iz kuhinje. Da
bacim još nešto?
● ● ●
(Rodni se pokisao vratio iz izlaska)
Del: To me podseti. sreo sam Mikija
Pirsa. Došao je na poslednju turu i rekao
mi da si upoznao neku otmenu žensku i da te je ona odbacila kući svojim
besnim autom.
Rodni: Tačno.
Del: Šta ima, kabriolet?
● ● ●
Rodni: Zamolio sam je da me ostavi na
pola puta, da prošetam.
Del: Po ovom vremenu?
Rodni: Mnogo njih voli da se šeta po
kiši.
Del: Znam, ali njih obično vrlo brzo
uhvate i vrate u bolnicu.
● ● ●
Albert: Još pada kiša?
Rodni: Ne, išao sam prečicom kroz
autoperionicu!
● ● ●
Rodni: Ali, Del, trebalo je da vidiš
njenu ulicu. Ni na jednom prozoru karton, sve
ulične svetiljke rade. Šta bi pomislila da je došla ovamo? "Samo
pored izgorelog 'Fiata Panda', Kasandra. Stan mi je odmah iza iduće
barikade."
● ● ●
Del: (…) Dala mi je jedan veoma veliki
kompliment: da ju je upoznavanje sa mnom podsetilo
na dan kada je Kenedi umro.
Rodni: To je najlepši kompliment koji ti
je iko dao?
Del: Zar ne shvataš šta je htela da
kaže?
Rodni: Ne.
5882. Your cousin in your homeland who calls you to send him money had
a cell
phone before you and wears only name brand clothing
¤
Vi
mora da ste iz Makedonije ako… (MK dijaspora, poglavlje CV)
5883. You
go to a restaurant and bring your own drinks.
5884. The minute church services are over you go straight for the bar
and get smashed.
5885. You only go out of town for Macedonian Tournaments and Dances.
5886. You are hopelessly trying to bring the Macedonian community in
Australia together.
5887. Your mother insists you must eat something with "sirenje"
(cheese) at least three times a week.
5888. You base your whole life on the fortune in your coffee cup.
5889. You celebrate Christmas, Easter and New Years two weeks after
everyone else.
5890. Your parents constantly say you'll end up a nobody if you don't
graduate from a University.
5891. Your mom or Dad screams at you infront of the whole school on
report card day.
5892. You are at a party and the guys try picking you up by asking:
"Hey baby, what's your slava?"
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