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Nedelja, 30. XI 2014./7522.
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U ovom broju donosimo: 2. Autostoperski vodič kroz galaksiju 1/2
Najsmešniji citati iz svih 5 knjiga Daglasa Adamsa
Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih ličnosti 7. Naše
reakcije na tehnologiju
Zaključak Daglasa Adamsa 7. Anegdote
Doskočice poznatih ličnosti |
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Transliteracija: Strogo se zabranjuje učenicima ulazak u prostorije škole!!!
Autostoperski vodič kroz galaksiju
(Douglas Adams; The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; 1979)
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(prema glasovima sa sajta goodreads.com) ● For
instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more
intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel,
New
York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck
about in
the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always
believed
that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same
reasons.
(6834 likes) ● Vreme je
iluzija. Vreme za ručak je dvostruka iluzija. (2056 likes) ● The ships
hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. (1657 likes) ● Isn't it
enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that
there
are fairies at the bottom of it too? (1519 likes) ● If
there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught
and shot
now. (1199 likes) ● Forde... Pretvaraš se u pingvina. Prekini. (893 likes) ● - So this
is it - said Arthur, - We are going to die. - Yes, - except...
no! Wait a minute! - he suddenly lunged across the chamber at something
behind
Arthur's line of vision. - What's this switch? - What? Where?
- cried Arthur, twisting round. |
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A towel,
[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most
massively useful
thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great
practical value.
You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold
moons of
Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches
of
Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it
beneath
the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it
to sail
a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in
hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes
or avoid
the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a
mind-boggingly
stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you);
you can
wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry
yourself
off with it if it still seems to be clean enough. (748 likes)
●
- I
refuse to prove that I exist, - says God, - for proof denies faith, and
without
faith I am nothing.
-
But, - says
Man, - The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have
evolved
by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own
arguments, you
don't. QED.
-
Oh dear, - says
God, - I hadn't thought of that! - and promptly vanishes in a puff of
logic.
-
Oh, that was
easy. - says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is
white and
gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing. (607 likes)
●
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to
happen. (575 likes)
●
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm
of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance
of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue
green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that
they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. (340 likes)
 |
● - But the plans were on display… - On display? I
eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them! - That's the
display department. - With a
flashlight! - Ah, well, the
lights had probably gone. - So had the
stairs! - But look, you
found the notice, didn't you? ● Anyone
who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no
account be
allowed to do the job. (290 likes) ● - All
through my life I've had this strange unaccountable feeling that
something was
going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would
tell me
what it was. ● In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from |
Alpha Centauri were real small
furry
creatures from Alpha Centauri. (239 likes)
●
The
Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that
the best
drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of
which is
like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round
a large
gold brick. (231 likes)
●
Bypasses
are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very
fast
while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People
living at
point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder
what's so
great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get
there,
and what's so great about point B that so many people from point A are
so keen
to get there. They often wish that people would just once and for all
work out
where the hell they wanted to be. (175 likes)
recitation by their poet
master Grunthos the
Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a small lump of green putty I found in my
armpit one midsummer morning" four of his audience died of internal
haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling
Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was
reported to
have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to
embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My favourite bathtime
gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save
humanity, leapt
straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.
 |
The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator,
Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the
planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison. (100 likes) ● Marvin: My
capacity for happiness, - he added, - you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first. (85 likes) ● Something
we once loved, and love now, in the shape of a book. Maybe eBooks are
going to
take over, one day, but not until those whizzkids in Silicon Valley
invent a
way to bend the corners, fold the spine, yellow the pages, add a coffee
ring or
two and allow the plastic tablet to fall open at a favorite page. (65
likes) |
●
It is
most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated,
and so
we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently
converging with
your ship are part of a special service we extend to all of our most
enthusiastic clients, and the fully armed nuclear warheads are of
course merely
a courtesy detail. We look forward to your custom in future lives…
thank
you. (60 likes)
●
"Don't
blame you", said Marvin and counted 597 thousand million sheep before
falling asleep again a second later. (56 likes)
●
We are
now cruising at a level of two to the power of 25.000:1 against and
falling,
and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is
normal
anyway. (35 likes)
● New
York has gone. No reaction. He'd never seriously believed it existed
anyway. (26
likes)
●
"They
discovered only a small asteroid inhabited by a solitary old man who
claimed
repeatedly that nothing was true, though he was later discovered to be
lying."
(20 likes)
●
"They
wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the
Ravenous
Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in,
sent
back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again,
and
finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as
firelighters."
(19 likes)
●
And so
the problem remained: lots of people were mean, and most were
miserable, even
the ones with digital watches. (19 likes)
●
There's
no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and
demolition
orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha
Centauri
for 50 of your Earth years, so you've had plenty of time to lodge any
formal
complaint and it's far too late to start making a fuss about it now…
What do
you mean you've never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven's sake,
mankind,
it's only four light years away, you know. I'm sorry, but if you can't
be
bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that's your own lookout.
Energize the demolition beams. (17 likes)
●
A
computer chatted to itself in alarm as it noticed an airlock open and
close
itself for no apparent reason. This was because Reason was in fact out
to
lunch. (14 likes)
●
There is
a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the
Universe
is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced
by
something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory
which
states that this has already happened. (11 likes)
|
● "You barbarians!" - he
yelled. – "I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'll have you
hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled... until... until...
until... until
you've had enough." (10 likes) ● The only person for whom the house was in any way special was Arthur Dent, and that was only because it happened to be the one he lived in. (9 likes) ● Many respectable physicists said that they weren't going to stand for this - partly because it was a debasement of science, but mostly because they didn't get invited to those sort of parties. (9 likes) ● "Please
relax," said the voice pleasantly, like a stewardess in an airliner
with only one |
 |
wing
and two engines one of which is on fire, "you are perfectly
safe." (8 likes)
●
...and
the renewed shock had nearly made him spill his drink. He drained it
quickly
before anything serious happened to it. He then had another quick one
to follow
the first one down and check that it was all right. (8 likes)
●
If somebody
thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a
few
pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves. (5
likes)
●
And to
this end they built themselves a stupendous super-computer which was so
amazingly intelligent that even before its data banks had been
connected up it
had started from "I think therefore I am" and got as far as deducing
the existence of rice pudding and income tax before anyone managed to
turn it
off. (4 likes)
●
"I
asked him if he'd come to clean the windows and he said no he'd come to
demolish the house. He didn't tell me straight away, of course. Oh no.
First he
wiped a couple of windows and charged me 5£. Then he told me."
(3
likes)
●
If you
don't open that exit hatch this moment I shall zap straight off to your
major
data banks and reprogram you with a very large axe, got that? (2 likes)
●
The
Nutri-Matic was designed and manufactured by the Sirius Cybernetics
Corporation
whose complaint department now covers all the major landmasses of the
first
three planets in the Sirius Tau star system. (1 likes)
●
One of
the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about
humans was
their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious,
as in "It's
a nice day", or "You're very tall", or "Oh dear you seem to
have fallen down a thirty-foot well! Are you all right?" (1 likes)
●
The Googleplex Star Thinker is a
super-computer from the Seventh Galaxy of Light and Ingenuity and has
the
ability to calculate the trajectory of every single dust particle
during a
five-week Dangrabad Beta sand blizzard.
The Deep Thought computer call it a
pocket calculator in comparison to itself.
●
You'll
have a national Philosopher's strike on your hands! (1 likes)
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● "Divan čovek!" – reče Artur – "Voleo bih da imam
kćerku da bih mogao da joj zabranim da se uda za takvog..." (izvor:
goodreads.com) NAŠE
REAKCIJE NA TEHNOLOGIJU
I've
come out with a set of rules that describes our reaction to
technologies: 1. Anything that is in the world when you're born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. 2. Anything that's invented between when you're 15 and 35 is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career on it. 3. Anything invented after you're 35 is against the natural order of things. Douglas Adams |
ANEGDOTE
Ispitivao jednom David Hilbert,
čuveni
matematičar s kraja XIX i prve polovine XX veka nekog studenta iz
geometrijske logike. Student je zasukao rukave i bacio se na pisanje
svih
mogućih formula i simbola sve dok nije išarao čitavu tablu.
-
Kolega, da li
biste sve ovo mogli da mi predstavite pomoću crteža? – zamoli ga
Hilbert.
Kandidat,
osokoljen
profesorovom ljubaznošću, klimnu glavom i počne da crta. Ali, i
crtež je ispao nekako zapetljan, a glavna konstrukcija našla se izvan
table. Kako je zid bio premazan tamnom masnom bojom, profesor mu reče
da
slobodno nastavi. Malo-pomalo, crtajući iz sve snage, student naiđe
na nepremostivu prepreku – bela vrata na kojima linije belom kredom
nisu mogle
da se vide. Zbunjen, on pogleda u profesora. Ovaj mu priđe, otvori
vrata i
pružajući mu indeks reče:
-
Izvrsno,
kolega! Sami ste pronašli najbolji put. Dođite mi ponovo u
sledećem ispitnom roku!
- ※ ※ ※ -
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Da
matematičari umeju da se našale i na sopstveni račun
svedoči ova istinita anegdota koju je svom prijatelju profesoru Jelenku Mihajloviću ispričao
naš poznati matematičar Mihajlo
Petrović čuveniji kao Mika
Alas. - Pre neki dan
sastadoh se ja sa doktorom Vladimirom
Varićakom iz Hrvatske, ti ga, Jelenko, znaš, i slatko se
izrazgovarasmo, ali, niti je on razumeo mene, niti ja njega!
Profesor Jelenko Mihajlović se
pogladi po bradi pa upita: - Pobogu, Miko,
na kojim ste to jezicima razgovarali? - Pa na našem, na kom bi drugom? - Otkuda se onda niste razumeli? -
Lepo! Ja sam mu
pričao o mojim funkcijama – matematičkoj fenomenologiji, a on,
čovek, klima glavom, no ja dobro vidim da mu nije jasno. |
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A posle, kada
je on tebi stao da priča?
-
Ništa
bolje! Razvezao čovek o neeuklidskoj geometriji, o opštoj i
specijalnoj teoriji relativnosti, a ja samo povlađujem. Ali, da me
ubiješ ako pojma imam šta mi je ispričao!
- E, moj Miko! – huknu Jelenko – Ova tvoja zgoda bolje objašnjava kolika je provalija matematika, nego da si o tome napisao monografiju! [PZ #1005/1972]
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