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Svim čitaocima želimo srećan Dan ustanka
čikaških
tekstilnih radnika (desio se 1886.) koji su zahtevali osmočasovno radno
vreme.
POGREŠAN
BROJ!
Trenutno je ovo hit na internetu.
Žena je poslala sms-ovku čoveku iz Viksonsina misleći da je šalje
svojoj
18-godišnjoj ćerci. Iako joj je on pristojno nekoliko puta rekao da je
pogrešila broj, ona je i dalje mislila da razgovara sa svojom ćerkom.
Ovako je
tekao razgovor.
-
Hunny, please grab milk and lunch meat on your way home.
-
I'm pretty sure you have the wrong number. I'm already at home.
-
Stop playing and can you go back to the store?
-
Ok… but… seriously… You have the wrong number… I'm not going to the
store for
you.
-
Jess, I need you to grab that or I am not taking you and Brad to the
movies
tonight. Milk, turkey and ham.
-
Well. Although milk and turkey sound delicious, ham is gross… What
movie are we
going to see?
-
Since when did you start hating ham? I don't care it is up to you. I
thought
you wanted to go to the boss baby? Is Brad's parent bringing you home
after or
do I need to pick you up?
-
Well… I've heard some people say it's ok… I've always hated ham.
Sometimes I
think you don't even hear me. I'll have to ask: would you mind stopping
at the
store for me on your way to pick us up tonight?
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You are a strange child. -
If you even knew… Also, I've always dreamt of the day the I would get a
wrong
number text just so I could mess with the other person. Today was that
day… -
Ok? - Did you go to the store yet? - So first I tested waters and slowly figured
out that you think you are texting your child. - Your father will be home for lunch in 30 mins. - I am a 35 year old man from Wiskonsin. I
swear I could have messed with you so bad but since it is a child
involved I just can't bring myself to do it. You have the wrong number. - Stop joking. It isn't cute. - (slika) This is me and my wife… Your husband
is gonna be so mad about not having any lunch meat. |
- Jess, please grab that stuff for your father.
I am not joking and I will cancel the movie tonight.
-
Who is that? Brad's family? I am calling his parents if you keep this
up.
-
OMG! No! Yo have the wrong number! Call me if you don't believe me.
I'll even
let you talk to my wife and 5 year old son. My other son is only 8
months. So
he only knows how to say "dada", and you aren't his dada.
-
I just got off the phone with his mother. No movie. Also, you are doing
your
sister's chores tonight.
-
Look. I am super crazy seroius… You have the wrong number. And have
mercy on
Jess… She literally has no idea this is even going on. Call me if you
don't
believe me. Honestly, this shit is none of my business, but I have the
day off
from work today so I have a pretty open schedule and a full cell phone
battery.
-
I am done with your games. I will see you in a few hours.
-
No you won't. Also… Can I stay at Brad's house tonight?
-
Your CC (Credit Card) was canceled.
Enough is enough.
-
I wouldn't cancel my credit card… How am i supposed to afford to live
off of
you?
-
(fali deo) … angry. He said you were
not home so you better be at the store.
-
Shouldn't I be at school?
-
(40 minuta kasnije) Where are you?
-
Well… I went to the store like you said and got turkey and milk. I
didn't get
ham because as I said earlier, I don't like ham. (slika) My wife is
actually on
the way to store now because we need bread. Is there anything you would
like
her to pick up for you?
-
Are you on drugs again? Your ass is out of our home if so. You are not
bringing
that stuff around your sister!
-
Lol! No, I've been clean since 2011. But that's really none of your
business.
-
I'm your fucking mother and this isn't funny. You were 11 in 2011
Jess??? We
are having A LONG talk tonight!
-
No. I've been CLEAN since 2011. I started doing drugs and drinking hard
in 2000
and 2001. And for your information… Just so you know… I stopped
believeing this
was real a while ago… I'm sure this is someone I know trying to fuck
with me
but I don't have anything going on so… I'm game to keep this story uo.
-
ried (?) and the food obviously
never
got there. Fuck you! You are a jerk and asshole! I left work and went
home to
find my daughter sleeping. I now see I had the wrong number. My husband
was wor
(dva sata od početka razgovora)
-
How am I the asshole? I told you plenty of times you had the wrong
number and sent
you pictures of me and my wife.
-
You did not sound sincere and you could have called, but you are too
imature.
How someone married you is beyond me.
-
I've told you to call me if you didn't believe me! I told you plenty of
times!
What kind of parent doesn't know their own kids number? Not my fault
you are a
dumb fuck!
-
Excuse me? I do, but miss keyes it in, you loser!
-
Omg. You are making my day… I'm definitely posting this online.
-
So do it? Awesome! Just last week my mother died and now this. Post it
after
you watch your porn, you sick piece of shit! People like you will never
change.
-
I like myself. Why should I change? But keep going. This is internet
gold.
-
Do you treat your mother this way?
-
My mom knows my phone number. Sooo… Can Brad and I still go to the
movies
tonight?
-
Eat shit!
(sa
sajta "Bored
panda")
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PLATA
Najradosniji praznik među zaposlenima. To je praznik
koji okuplja radnike, miri zavađene i pokazuje kakvi svi dani treba da
nam budu – puni sloge i entu…zijazma.
To je dan praštanja i vraćanja dugova. Kolege se tog
dana pozdravljaju rečima "Legla je", a otpozdravlja im se "Vaistinu je
legla".
Zvuci SMS poruka kojima banke obaveštavaju o uplati
(poznatije kao "Blagovesti") doprinose širenju veselja po kolektivu.
Slavi se dva dana i obično je to prvi mrsni dan
nakon podužeg posta. |
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MARFIJEV
ZAKON
● Livingstonov zakon debljine
1.
Debljina se
širi dok ne ispuni svaki komad odeće.
2. Debela
osoba
ide sredinom hola.
Pouka: Dva
debeljka će hodati jedan uz drugog, bez obzira da li se poznaju
ili ne.
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● Pythonov princip TV morala ● Elyjin zakon
Obuci pravi kostim i uloga se sama igra. ● Prvo pravilo glume
Šta god da se desi pravi se da je namerno. ● Zakon dolaska
Ko najbliže stanuje dolazi poslednji. ● Zadraov zakon o biomehanici
Jačina svraba obrnuto je srazmerna mogućnosti da
dohvatiš mesto koje svrbi. ● Voltaireov zakon
Ništa ne zaslužuje toliko poštovanja kao stari gresi. ● Tri najneuverljivije rečenice u engleskom jeziku 1.
Upravo smo vam poslali ček. 2.
Naravno da ću te poštovati sutra ujutro. 3.
Ja sam iz Vlade i ovde sam da bih vam pomogao. |
●
MARFOLOGIJA
PUTOVANjA ●
● Oliverov zakon lokacije
Bez obzira gde si krenuo, tu si.
● Prvi zakon putovanja
Uvek ti treba više vremena da odeš
nego da se vratiš.
● Zakon životnog puta
Ako sve ide prema tebi, u pogrešnoj
si traci.
● Athenina pravila vozačke
ljubaznosti
Ako neko vozilo propustiš ispred
sebe, onda:
1. će to
vozilo
biti poslednje koje pređe železničku prugu, a ti ćeš ispred branika
čekati
dugačak i spor voz; ili:
2.
obojica imate
isto odredište, ali će propušteni zauzeti poslednje slobodno mesto za
parkiranje.
● Lemarov postulat parkiranja
Ako se za svaki slučaj parkiraš šest
blokova dalje, naći ćeš dva prazna mesta upravo ispred ulaza u zgradu.
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● Grayev zakon za autobuse ● McKeejev zakon
Kada ne žuriš, zeleno svetlo se upali čim staneš
pred semafor. ● Quigleyev zakon
Kola i kamion koji idu u susret dvosmernim praznim
putem, srešće se na uzanom mostu. ● Reecejev drugi zakon
Brzina dolazećeg vozila direktno je srazmerna dužini
suženog puta. ● Drewov zakon biologije autoputa
Prvi insekt koji naleti na čist vetrobran udariće
baš ispred tvojih očiju. ● Campbellovi zakon popravke automobila 1.
Ako možeš da dopreš do neispravnog dela, onda nemaš alat da ga
demontiraš. 2.
Ako možeš da demontiraš deo, onda ga nema u prodavnici. 3. Ako deo nađeš u magacinu, to nije deo koji je trebalo zameniti. ● Femoov zakon o popravci motora |
● Brombergovi zakoni popravke
automobila
1. Kad zatreba,
svaka stvar koja je pri ruci postaje čekić.
Pouka: Što
više petljaš oko neispravnog dela, sve više ti je potreban samo
čekić.
2. Bez obzira
koliko je posao lagan, na kraju ćeš biti umazan motornim uljem i mašću.
3. Kada zagusti,
metarski i colovni alati mogu se koristiti jedni umesto drugih.
● MARFOLOGIJA
DOMAĆINSTVA ●
● O'Reillyjev zakon kuhinje
Čistoća je skoro nemoguća.
● Zakoni vredne kuvarice
1. Ako se pitaš
da li je nešto izneto iz rerne, nije.
2. Ako se pitaš
da li si zaboravio da isključiš lonče za kafu, jesi.
3. Ako se pitaš
da li treba kupiti hleb i jaja na povratku kući, treba.
4. Ako se pitaš
da li imaš dovoljno novca da izvedeš porodicu na večeru, nemaš.
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