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STATLER
AND WALDORF
Šta
mislite, ko su najsmešniji Mapeti? Po mom mišljenju, to su Statler i
Waldorf.
"Mapet film" ne bi mogao da bude "Mapet film" bez ove dvojice
spadala. Njihove opaske, doskočice i šale održavaju komediju Mapeta i
ne bi
bilo isto bez njih. Niko ih ne smatra lošim tipovima, ali su svi uvek
oduševljeni kad se pojave u "Mapetima".
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Episode 203 with Milton Berle: Both: Funny, Funny! Berle: Oh, It's you guys! The bear
warned me about you two! Statler: Hey, Berle! Berle: What? Statler: You know what? I'm
just figure out your style. Berle: Really? Statler: You work like Gregory Peck. Berle: Gregory Peck is not a comedian. Statler: Well? Berle: Just a minute, please. I have
been a successful comedian for half of my life. Waldorf: How come we got this half? Berle: Did you two come in here to be
entertained or not? Statler: That's right. Berle: What's right? Statler: We came in here to be
entertained and we're not. Berle: Oh, yeah? I'd love to see you
come down here and be funny. Waldorf: You first! Berle: "Ha, ha, ha", the audience!
"Ha, ha, ha"! Don't pay any attention to old folks. Let me tell the
story. (begins to tell the story, when
interuppted by Statler again) |
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Statler:
Hey,
Berle!
Berle:
Ohhh...
Yeah, what is it? What is it?
Statler:
You
know what you're doing wrong?
Berle:
What
I'm doing wrong?
Statler:
Standing
too close to the audience.
Berle:
Oh,
yeah? How is this?
Statler:
You're
still too close.
Berle:
Oh,
sorry. Is this okay?
Statler:
Now
little more.
Berle:
How far
back do you want me to go?
Statler:
You
got a car?
Berle:
Let me
tell you something: If
you don't stop,
I'll have the Usher throw you out!
Waldorf:
He
can't. He's too busy.
Berle:
Doing
what?
Waldorf:
Keeping
people in!
Berle:
(to the audience) And you encourage
him!
That's what you're doing! (to Statler and
Waldorf) You know, guys? I got good mind to punch you in your
nose.
Waldorf:
Please
not while I'm holding it.
Berle:
That's
very funny.
Waldorf:
Ah,
you can use it.
Berle:
I don't
need your material, pal. I got a million funny lines in the back of my
head.
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Statler: How come they never reach your mouth? Berle: Gentleman! Will you please take it easy? You think I'm doing this for fun?Statler: Not so far! Berle: Oh, I see. You think you could
do better? Statler: I couldn't do worse. Berle: Allright. Waldorf: We should. Berle: Oh, yeah? You sing? Statler: No. Berle: You dance? Statler: No. Berle: Can you get laughs? Statler: No Berle: Then what would you do? Waldorf: Just what you're doing. |
Berle:
Okay,
that's it! That's it! I'm going to call the police!
Statler:
Good
idea, you need all the protection you can get.
Gonzo:
Could I
help you out?
Berle:
Please.
Gonzo: Which
way did you came in?
● ● ●
- I always dreamed we'd be back
here.
- Those weren't dreams! Those were
nightmares!
● ● ●
- I guess that all's well, ends
well.
- Doesn't matter to me, as long as
it ends!
● ● ●
- Well, Waldorf, they made it to
Broadway.
- Yes, and I already bought
tickets.
- Are they good seats?
- Sure are. They're on the next
train out of town!
● ● ●
- Every week, this show looks
better to me.
- Every week, your eyesight gets
worse!
● ● ●
- Well, how do you like the film?
- I've seen detergents leave a
better film than this.
● ● ●
Statler:
Do
you believe in life after death?
Waldorf:
Every
time I leave this theater.
Statler:
Boo!
Waldorf:
Boooo!
Statler:
That
was the worst thing I've ever heard!
Waldorf:
It
was terrible!
Statler:
Horrendous!
Waldorf:
Well
it wasn't that bad.
Statler:
Oh,
yeah?
Waldorf:
Well,
there were parts of it I liked!
Statler:
Well,
I liked alot of it.
Waldorf:
Yeah,
it was GOOD actually.
Statler:
It
was great!
Waldorf:
It
was wonderful!
Statler:
Yeah,
bravo!
Waldorf:
More!
Statler:
More!
Waldorf:
More!
Statler:
More!
● ● ●
At the end of the Steve Martin
episode:
Statler:
Well,
that was different.
Waldorf:
Yep.
Lousy...
Both:
...but
different!
● ● ●
Waldorf:
Bravo, bravo!
Statler:
Why
are you yelling bravo? Did you like it that much?
Waldorf:
Nope;
friend of mine, Joe Bravo, he's sitting in the front row. Bravo!
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● ● ● Statler: (after putting on his 3-D glasses) Hey, hey look! Look at the guy in the Goofy mask! (…) That's not a mask. Oh, sorry lady! ● ● ● (commenting
on the scenery for Piggy's number) Waldorf: Isn't it lovely? Statler: Yeah. Too bad they're gonna
spoil it with a pig.
● ● ● Statler: (on
Bean's reuniting with the other Muppets) This is a very
moving moment. Waldorf: Yeah; I wish they'd move it to
Pittsburgh!
● ● ● |
Statler: Wake up you old fool. You
slept through the show.
Waldorf: Who's a fool? You watched it.
Statler:
Is
your hearing aid fixed?
Waldorf:
No.
Statler:
Then
how do you know what I'm saying?
Waldorf:
I
don't!
Statler:
Oh.
(does double take)
● ● ●
Statler:
I
like the steel Drums!
Waldorf:
What?!?
Statler:
THE
PIGS' STEEL DRUMS!!!
Waldorf:
I
beleive it! They'll take anything that isn't bolted down!
● ● ●
Statler:
You
did it! You saved the Pig and Frog!
Waldorf:
Well,
it was too late to save the movie!
● ● ●
Statler:
Brrrr. It's freezing in here. Waldorf when you come back can you give
me my
coat?
(Waldorf
brings
Statler a goat)
Statler:
Your
hearing aid's busted again.
● ● ●
From the "Muppets Take Manhattan":
Waldorf:
Did
you get us tickets?
Statler:
You
bet! They're for a bus out of town!
● ● ●
Statler:
Can
you sing tenor?
Waldorf:
What?
Statler:
Can
you sing tenor, as in ten or eleven miles away from here.
● ● ●
S & W are wearing
flamboyant Elton
John-style costumes:
Statler:
Boy,
we really look like something from the rock age!
Waldorf:
No,
we look more like something from the Stone Age!
● ● ●
From Halooween Issue, Fozzie Bear
tell some jokes about ghosts:
Statler:
Hey,
bear! The only thing scarey around here is the fact you're still in
comedy!
Waldorf:
Yeah!
The only thing in this issue that won't come back from the dead is your
act!
Statler:
Face
it! In the field of entertainment, you don't stand a GHOST of a chance!
Both: Dwoah! Ho ho ho!!!
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● ● ● Statler: "Take a trip" you said. "See
the world you said" you said. Now we're stuck on the front of this
stupid ship. Waldorf: It could be worse. We could be
stuck in the audience.
● ● ● (watching Fozzie perform on roller-skates) Waldorf: Hey, this is a great way for
Fozzie to do his material! Statler: Yeah, a moving target is
harder to hit!
● ● ● Statler: He was doing okay until he
fell off the stage. Waldorf: Wrong. He was doing okay until
he came ON the stage! (at the end of the roller-skate bit)
● ● ● |
Waldorf:
You
know, on the show that wasn't funny.
Statler:
True,
true.
Waldorf:
But
on a record it doesn't even make sense.
● ● ●
Statler:
Yah,
what?
Waldorf:
Is
that it?
Statler:
Yes,
its over. How'd you like it?
Waldorf:
I
don't know, I slept through the whole thing.
Statler:
Well,
you didn't miss much.
● ● ●
Waldorf: Say,
Statler, do you think "The Muppet Show" will be any better live?
Statler: At
our age, it's good to be around anything live.
● ● ●
Waldorf: Well,
at least it's only for one night.
Statler: Year, but that's the same thing they told us 25 years ago…
(nastavak u broju №712)
BEND "ONE NIGHT STAND"
Uz najavu svirke iduće
subote u
"Ajnfortu" (Novi Sad, Zmaj Jovina 24), članovi benda "One night
stand" su objavili i nekoliko zanimljivih slika u kojima se zezaju među
sobom. Objavljujemo one najzanimljivije.
Redakcija im se zahvaljuje što su
nam dozvolili da ih objavimo. Ako bude bio dobar, pustićemo urednika na
svirku.
Redakcija
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