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STATLER
AND WALDORF
(nastavak iz broja №712)
After previewing "Into the
Blue":
Waldorf: If I found Jessica Alba underwater, I'd stop looking for Nemo.
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● ● ● Statler: Let's have a brief moment of silence for Al Pacino's career.
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After previewing "Two for the Money": Statler: (notices Waldorf pounding his
fist on his chest) What's wrong? Was the trailer too intense for you? Waldorf: No, I'm trying to stop my own
heart so I don't have to watch any more! Statler: Well, it's over. Now, all we
have to do is just make fun of it!
● ● ● Statler: "Two for the Money" dares to
ask the age old question: Who lost a bet and had to make this movie? |
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Waldorf: If at first you don't succeed...
Statler: Give up.
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After previewing "Doom":
Statler: How come no one ever made "Pong" into a movie? Now, THAT was a video game.
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Statler: I usually love action movies, but there's something that just doesn't look good about "Doom".
Waldorf: I know what you mean. I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Statler: Well, if you did put your finger on it, you'd need about 4 gallons of "Purel" to disinfect it!
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After previewing
"Elizabethtown":
Statler: "Elizabethtown" looks like one of those emotional movies that makes you want to call your dad afterwards.
Waldorf: And tell him not to go see it!
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Statler: Director Cameron Crowe always makes these lyrical, thoughtful movies.
Waldorf: There's a perfect name for the genre: Naptime.
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Statler: I wouldn't say conditions at the club were bad, but when we asked where we could take a bath...
Waldorf: The manager ran us through the car wash next door.
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At the conclusion of Fozzie's
monologue:
Waldorf: Why did we laugh at that terrible joke?
Statler: Well, either we've gone soft or we're in the first stages of senility.
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● ● ● Statler: Do you think this show is
educational? Waldorf: Yes. It'll drive people to
read books.
● ● ● Fozzie: I'm good enough to play the
Palace! Waldorf: You're not good enough to
CLEAN the Palace!
● ● ● Fozzie: A lot of these folks want to
see me! Statler: Well, so do we. Fozzie: You want to see me perform? Waldorf: No, retire!
● ● ● Waldorf: Well, the show tonight
certainly didn't lay an egg. (a chicken pops up) Chicken: BAWK! Statler: Wanna bet?
● ● ● Statler: I loved it! Waldorf: So, what? You also loved World
War II. ● ● ● Statler: Up first, Antonio Banderes and Catherine Zeta-Jones star in "The Legend of Zero". Waldorf: Don't you mean "The Legend of Zorro"?! Statler: Nope! |
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Statler: People are saying that this movie really does capture what it's like to be at war.
Waldorf: Yeah! After watching it for 10 minutes, you want to shoot yourself in the foot and get sent home!
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Statler: I heard Donald Rumsfeld went to go see "Jarhead".
Waldorf: Oh, yeah? What did he think?
Statler: No one knows! He's still stuck in the theater because he has no exit strategy!
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Statler: I've got a riddle for you. Britney Spears had one, Katie Holmes is having one and you'll never have one. What is it?
Waldorf: That's easy. A baby.
Statler: No, a career!
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Statler: First we're previewing "Get rich or die tryin'". In this movie, 50 Cent plays an inner-city drug dealer who turns to rap music in order to avoid a life of crime.
Waldorf: But the real crime here is that this movie got made!
Statler: In "The Goblet of Fire", Harry and his pals fight the most terrifying monster yet!
Waldorf: Puberty!
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Waldorf: Statler, what are some of your favorite mythical creatures from the Harry Potter movies?
Statler: That's easy. British kids with good teeth! Actually, I like Ray Fines, who plays the evil Lord Voldemort.
Waldorf: Oh, no, no, no, no! Please don't say that name!
Statler: Oh, come on! Voldemort's name can be mentioned. It's just a story!
Waldorf: No, I was talking about Ray Fines! That guy gives me the creeps!
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Waldorf: Tune in next time for a Thanksgiving episode where I show you how to dress a turkey.
Statler: You mean you're gonna cook?
Waldorf: No, I'm going to put you in a tuxedo!
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Waldorf: Well, it's Thanksgiving time. So, that means that Oscar season is finally here.
Statler: It's a time when Hollywood proves that not all its movies are loud and stupid.
Waldorf: Yeah. Some are pretentous and boring.
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After previewing "In the
Mix":
Statler: Luckily, Usher's fanbase doesn't care how he acts as long as he's got a 6-pack.
Waldorf: That's a lot like your fans. They don't care how you act as long as they DRINK a 6-pack.
Statler: Shows how much you know! I don't even have any fans!
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Following Stan & Louie's bit:
Waldorf: I've said it before and I'll say it again: this theater needs to be exterminated!
Statler: This whole show needs to be exterminated!
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After previewing "Rent": Waldorf: (crying) This movie really
touched me. Statler: Yeah, me too. Right here where
my 10 bucks used to be. "Rent" isn't just the title, it's how you
should see it! Waldorf: Heartless! Statler: Ah, "Rent". Struggling New
York artistic types scraping to get by. Waldorf: I think it's a great story! Statler: Story?! I was talking about
the cast! Who are these people?! Waldorf: It's all the original Broadway
cast. The studio was trying to maintain the artistic integrity of this
film! Statler: No, I think they were trying to maintain a profit! ● ● ●
After Ivan and Sweetums' bit: Statler: Why does Hollywood treat monsters so poorly? Waldorf: Maybe they think they're Republicans. |
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Statler: (notices Waldorf crying) What's the matter with you?
Waldorf: It's Nick and Jessica! They split up!
Statler: Yeah? So?
Waldorf: So, now she's gonna have more time to devote to her acting!
(They both cry.)
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Waldorf: I can't wait to see "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe".
Statler: Well, I'm putting my money on the lion to win!
Waldorf: It's not a sports movie, you old fool! It's about these 4 little kids who meet and a talking lion, then they go through a magical portal into another world.
Statler: Kids and talking lions? I'll be looking for a magical portal into another theater!
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Waldorf (seeing Staler's Grandson): Is he yours?
Statler: Of course not! He's my grandson! I'm just babysitting
Waldorf: There's some resemblance.
Baby: But I won't be bald and toothless forever!
Statler and Waldorf: Ho ho ho!
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Waldorf: Watching these videos makes me worry about the future.
Statler: What future? At our age, tomorrow is a long shot.
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Waldorf: That was so bad, it locked up my computer!
Statler: Quick! Let's get out of here before it finds the key!
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Statler: How many hits did that thing
recieve? Waldorf: Unfortunately, not enough to
kill it.
● ● ● Statler: I wish I could sing like that. Waldorf: You do? Statler: Yeah. It would save me the
cost of a car alarm!
● ● ● Statler: Should we click on this "Digg"
button? Waldorf: Absolutely! Let's keep digging
until this thing is buried! ● ● ● Waldorf: That was awful! Statler: Well, it gets better if you wait Waldorf: Why's that? Statler: The screen-saver turns on. Waldorf: That's good. I love those fish. |
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From "Letters to Santa":
Waldorf: This is my favorite Christmas tradition.
Statler: Listening to Christmas carolers?
Waldorf: No, heckling them.
Statler: (to the rat carolers) You should sing "Silent Night"!
Waldorf: Not the song. Just stay silent all night.
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From "The Muppet Christmas
Carol":
Statler (to Scrooge): What a terrible pun. Where do you get those jokes?
Waldorf: Leave comedy to the bears, Ebenezer.
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Statler: You know, Waldorf?
Waldorf: Yeah?
Statler: I think we've been wrong all these years.
Waldorf: What do you mean?
Statler: I mean the "Muppet Show" isn't half as bad as we said it was.
Waldorf: Really?
Statler: No it's twice as bad!
Both: Ho ho ho ho!
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Waldorf: That puppet looked so alive Statler: Well that's more than I could say for you!
● ● ● Waldorf: That was a great number. I
don't care what you say Statler: I thought it was dumb Waldorf: Maybe you're right
● ● ● Waldorf: Maybe we should go on stage Statler: Yes, there's one leaving in
five minutes; be under it! Waldorf: Don't heckle me you old fool
heckle him! Statler: Is that a toupee you're
wearing or did your cat die?
● ● ● Waldorf: You know, I don't think this
show is suitable for children! Baby (Statler's grandson): I don't think this show is
suitable for ANYBODY! (Laughter)
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Midway through the Spike Milligan
episode, after Spike drops his pants twice and reveals Union-Jack and
Stars-and-Stripes underwear in sequence:
Waldorf: That's not funny! Anybody can drop their pants! (Drops his own pants)
Statler: I didn't know you were Lithuanian!
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"Muppets Tonight" with
Martin Short:
Irving Cohen (Martin Short): Gentlemen, you know the biggest problem with the world today?
Statler: They let this show back on the air!
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At "Just for laughs comedy
festival", during "Muppet gala show" opening theme:
Waldorf: Why did we travel up here?
Statler: I just don't know at all!
Waldorf: It's kind of like a torture...
Statler and Waldorf: To be in Montreal!
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Waldorf: We were always heckling you, Ebenezer.
Statler: It's good to be heckling again.
Waldorf: It's good to be doing anything again!
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Statler: We didn't miss them, we were shooting blanks.
Waldorf: We were?
Statler: Oh Course.
Statler smacks the machine gun
and it points
to the celing and celing tiles drop
Statler: Well some of them were blanks.
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Fozzy (as Fozziwig): At this time in the proceedings, it is a tradition for me to make a little speech.
Statler: And it's a tradition for us to take a little nap.
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Fozzy: My speech! Here's my Christmas speech. Ahem. "Thank you all, and Merry Christmas." Statler: That was the speech? Waldorf: It was dumb! Statler: It was obvious! Waldorf: It was pointless! Statler: It was....... short! (both): I loved it!
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From Season 2 with Madeline Kahn: Statler: We got our money's worth
tonight! Waldorf: But we paid nothing. Statler: That's what we got! Both: Doooo-hohohohoho!!!!
● ● ● Waldorf: Look! It's Ebenezer Scrooge! Statler: Looking older and more wicked
than ever! Waldorf: I knew he wouldn't disappoint
us!
● ● ● Statler: Didn't watch that, made me
dizzy. How about you? Waldorf falls off the Balcony.
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From Season 3 with Liberace:
Statler: Finally we've seen them do a good show!
Waldorf: Good! Can we PLEASE stop coming now?
Both: Doooooo-hohohoho!!!!
AZRA
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Još se sećam Prljavog kazališta u kom sam upoznao Azru, Majke mi. Imala je torbu sa Bijelim dugmetom, a u njoj Crvena jabuka i neki Indexi. Bili smo ista Generacija 5, a govorila je da su joj Piloti Idoli. EKV nije htela pa smo otišli na Hladno pivo i Riblju čorbu, da ne bude baš samo Leb i sol. Na putu do kuće sam joj ubrao i Divlje jagode. Poslednji put sam je video u Haustoru, ali opet, nije Smak sveta. |
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