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Nedelja, 26. XI 2006.

U ovom broju donosimo:

2. Talk like a pirate day

Novi svetski praznici

4. Olovka pi�e srcem

Dečji odgovori iz istoimene knjige

5. Narodnjaci 2

Narodnjačka od bisera grana

6. �alba jednog penisa

Već ste to čitali? E, ovo niste!

8. Radoslav Čvorkov

Zbirka lapsusa, bisera, odvala i uzrečica izrečenih na časovima matematike, informatike i na ekskurziji (1367-1408)

TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY

Why is this day different from all others?

Why do we need an International Talk Like a Pirate Day?

Make no mistake. We do. But it's a little hard to articulate why, especially when you've made the mistake of referring to your wife as a scurvy bilge rat and tried to order her back into the galley. Talking like a pirate is fun. It's really that simple. It gives your conversation a swagger, an el�n, denied to landlocked lubbers. The best explanation came from a guy at a Cleveland radio station who interviewed us on the 2002 Talk Like a Pirate Day. He told us we were going to be buried by people asking for interviews because it was a "whimsical alternative" to all the serious things that were making the news so depressing. In other words, silliness is the holiday's best selling point. Before we go any further, there's something we need to be clear about. Pirates were and are bad people. Really reprehensible. Even the most casual exploration of the history of pirates (and believe us, casual is an accurate description of our research) leaves you hip deep in blood and barbarity. We recognize this, all right? We aren't for one minute suggesting that real, honest-to-God pirates were in any way, shape or form worth emulating.

So what is it exactly that we're celebrating here, if not pirates? What, you're wondering, is the point?

We're going to be painfully honest here, perhaps fatally so. The point is, there is no point. And that's what's fun about Talk Like a Pirate Day specifically, and talking like a pirate in general. We're talking about the mere image of swaggering pirateness. And while this is a guys' guide, the comely wench will have fun talking like a pirate, too. It's powerful, yet harmless. Perhaps, dare we suggest it, the ultimate aphrodisiac. Try it! When Sept. 19th rolls around and suddenly tens of thousands of people are saying "arrr" and "Weigh anchor or I'll give you a taste of the cap'n's daughter," it staggers us. They are talking like pirates - not because two yahoos from the Northwestern United States told them to, but simply because it's fun.

-The basics -Advanced pirate lingo -Top 10 Pirate Pickup Lines -The quick way -The basics Pirate lingo is rich and complicated, sort of like a good stew. There are several other sites that offer glossaries that are pretty good, and you can find some of them on our links page. But if you just want a quick fix, a surface gloss, a "pirate patina," if you will, here are the five basic words that you cannot live without. Master them, and you can face Talk Like a Pirate Day with a smile on your face and a parrot on your shoulder, if that's your thing.

Ahoy! "Hello!"

Avast! Stop and give attention. It can be used in a sense of surprise, "Whoa! Get a load of that!" which today makes it more of a "Check it out" or "No way!" or "Get off!"

Aye! "Why yes, I agree most heartily with everything you just said or did."

Aye aye! "I'll get right on that sir, as soon as my break is over."

Arrr! This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. "Arrr!" can mean, variously, "yes," "I agree," "I'm happy," "I'm enjoying this beer," "My team is going to win it all," "I saw that television show, it sucked!" and "That was a clever remark you or I just made." And those are just a few of the myriad possibilities of "Arrr"!

Advanced pirate lingo; or On beyond "Aarrr!"

Once you've mastered the basics, you're ready to start expanding your pirate vocabulary. Try these for starters

Beauty The best possible pirate address for a woman. Always preceded by "me", as in, "C'mere, me beauty", or even, "me buxom beauty", to one particularly well endowed. You"ll be surprised how effective this is.

Bilge rat The bilge is the lowest level of the ship. It's loaded with ballast and slimy, reeking water. A bilge rat, then, is a rat that lives in the worst place on the ship. On TLAP Day � A lot of guy humor involves insulting your buddies to prove your friendship. It's important that everyone understand you are smarter, more powerful and much luckier with the wenches than they are. Since bilge rat is a pretty dirty thing to call someone, by all means use it on your friends.

Bung hole Victuals on a ship were stored in wooden casks. The stopper in the barrel is called the bung, and the hole is called the bung hole. That's all. It sounds a lot worse, doesn't it? On TLAP Day � When dinner is served you'll make quite an impression when you say, "Well, me hearties, let's see what crawled out of the bung hole". That statement will be instantly followed by the sound of people putting down their utensils and pushing themselves away 

from the table. Great! More for you! Grog An alcoholic drink, usually rum diluted with water, but in this context you could use it to refer to any alcoholic beverage other than beer, and we aren't prepared to be picky about that, either. Call your beer grog if you want. We won't stop you! Water aboard ship was stored for long periods in slimy wooden barrels, so you can see why rum was added to each sailor's water ration � to kill the rancid taste. On TLAP Day � Drink up, me hearties! And call whatever you're drinking grog if you want to. If some prissy pedant purses his lips and protests the word grog can only be used if drinking rum and water, not the Singapore Sling you're holding, keelhaul him!

OLOVKA PI�E SRCEM STEPENICE ● One nam slu�e da imamo i dvori�te ● Da ljudi skoče sa sprata ako je mnogo visoko ● Slu�e da dođete do mojih vrata Čemu slu�e stepenice? ● Da deda padne i da se ugruva ● Da mora� da se penje� i kada neće� ● Da mo�e� da se uvati� ako si baba ● Da jedan pljuje kad se popne ● Da se voze deca na ogradu naopako

Hornpipe Both a single-reeded musical instrument sailors often had aboard ship, and a spirited dance that sailors do. On TLAP Day � We are not big fans of the capering, it's not our favorite art form, if you will, so we don't have a lot to say on the subject, other than to observe that the common term for being filled with lust is "horny", and hornpipe then has some comical possibilities. "Is that a hornpipe in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? Or both?"

Lubber (or land lubber) This is the seaman's version of land lover, mangled by typical pirate disregard for elocution. A lubber is someone who does not go to sea, who stays on the land. On TLAP Day � More likely than not, you are a lubber 364 days of the year. But not if you're talking like a pirate! Then the word lubber becomes one of the more fierce weapons in your arsenal of piratical lingo. In a room where everyone is talking like pirates, lubber is always an insult.

Smartly Do something quickly. On TLAP Day � "Smartly, me lass", you might say when sending the bar maid off for another round. She will be so impressed she might well spit in your beer.

Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day

We came up with these in an effort to interest The Other Dave (Letterman) in TLAPD. His staff liked 'em, but alas, his show is "dark" the week of Sept. 19.

10. Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin', I'm 97% chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

And the #1 pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is:

1. Prepare to be boarded.

Bonus pickup lines (when the ones above don't work, as they often won't)

8. They don't call me Long John because my head is so big. 7. You're drinking a Salty Dog? How'd you like to try the real thing? 6. Wanna shiver me timbers? 5. I've sailed the seven seas, and you're the sleekest schooner I've ever sighted. 4. Brwaack! Polly want a cracker?� Oh, wait. That�s for Talk Like a parrot Day. 3. That's the finest pirate booty I've ever laid eyes on. 2. Let's get together and haul some keel. 1. That's some treasure chest you've got there.

No time to memorize the lingo? Try our new, improved English-to-Pirate Translator!

An' fer more pirate words, try the Puzzle Pirates Vocabulary page

NARODNjACI 2

- La�e� kao pas, gleda� me ko zver, stvarno nije fer.

- Sve, sve, sve, sve će� da mi da�, al' ja neću s tobom jer si mafija�.

- Daj zagrli me, daj daj daj, vodoravno, a i uspravno

- Ajde, Jelo, smrči belo, pa nek vidi celo selo.

- Plitak potok, a voda duboka

- Mala lezi tuku mitraljezi, ja ću na te, ne boj se granate!

- Oću kući da te vodim, ali ja sam izbjeglica nemam kuće. Bo�e, bo�e zar ja tra�im nemoguće�

- Vetar duva, ki�a sipi, a pod nama krevet �kripi.

- Zbog nje su me zvali papak, ja to nisam znao

- Je l' te peku u daljini moje suze na haljini?

- Skočiću sa sedmoga sprata - rodila mi �ena, a ja nisam tata.

- Moj se dragi u autu voza, a ja jadna u �umi kod koza

- Ka�u nismo par zato �to si podstanar�

- Uz malu peć i radio sva�ta sam joj radio.

- �to na kafu zove� mene kada nema� samlevene!

- �ta će meni venčanje i �ena, kad sa tuđom �ivim bez problema.

- Ti ode na zeleno ja osta na crveno, rastavi nas semafor.

- Da dogovor kuću gradi rekao je nek'o, s tobom kako stvari stoje temelj je daleko.

- Mala moja na vrh kola stani, da te moje oko nani�ani

- Skini skini ko�ulju, al' nemoj brushalter, ostavi bar ne�to, mala, da pocepa panter.

- Kuče laje, a ja mislim ti si; oti�'o si, sarmu probo nisi. - Ja sam dama visokog morala, zato svoju nikom nisam dala. - Alal vera, mili moj; kad me stegne� joj joooj - Cveta cveće, listaju bandere. Ja te volim, ti si mi devojka! (???) - Ispred kuće metar drva, ti si moja ljubav prva. - Mala moja dođi da sviramo malkice. Ja dok sviram ti mi skini gaćice - Ja sam svoju Raziju miniro, poginut će ko je bude diro. - Otpala ti ruka ako drugu takne� oko struka. - Pletem d�emper, d�emper mi u ruci. Dođi, mala, pa mi ga navuci.

- Oti�o si, e pa nek si, nisi bio Bog zna seksi

- Nisam zgodan, al' sam neophodan. Ko me proba �eli me do groba.

- Mala moja na vrh sela moga. Ti �ivi� u oblacima, ja �ivim u opancima

- Ja ti ka�em "Odlazi, pokido se lanac", a ti ne razume� ko da si Bosanac.

- Pevaljka sam od glave do pete, oko mene sve valute lete.

- Neko vozi motor, neko vozi traktor, ja i moja mala motokultivator.

- Sutra kada prođe �to je noći milo, ti ne pričaj drugovima �ta je sinoć bilo

- Dva bunara, dva bunara, a velika su�a. Dođi, dragi, izgore mi i srce i du�a

�ALBA JEDNOG PENISA

PENISOVA �ALBA

Po�tovana upravo, ja, Penis, ovim putem zahtjevam povi�icu, iz slijedećih razloga:

1. Radim fizički posao.

2. Radim na velikim dubinama, bez ventilacije.

3. Uvek mi glava srlja prva.

4. Nemam prava na vikende, praznike i godi�nje odmore.

5. Radim u vla�nim uslovima, na povi�enoj temperaturi.

6. Ne plaćaju mi prekovremeno.

7. Moj posao me izla�e zaraznim bolestima.

S po�tovanjem, Penis.

ODGOVOR UPRAVE

Po�tovani g. Penisu, nakon pa�ljivog pregleda va�eg pisma, uprava je odbacila vas zahtijev za povi�icom, iz slijedećih razloga:

1. Ne radite ni 8 sati dnevno. 2. Umorite se i zaspite nakon kratkih perioda rada. 3. Često ne slu�ate naređenja uprave. 4. Ne ostajete na naznačenim pozicijama i često posjećujete druge oblasti. 5. Ne preuzimate inicijativu - treba vas dodatno stimulirati da bi počeli raditi. 6. Radno mjesto je, kad vi odete, uvijek u kaosu. 7. Često ne po�tujete neophodna sigurnosna pravila (no�enje za�titne odjeće i sl.). 8. Otići ćete u penziju mnogo prije nego �to napunite 65 godina. 9. Stalno dolazite i odlazite sa radnog mjesta, noseći dve sumnjive vreće. S po�tovanjem, Uprava

ODGOVOR PENISA

Gospodin Penis ula�e �albu navodeći sljedeće argumente:

1. Ne radim osam sati zbog monotonije na poslu

2. Nikad ne spavam! Kad odmaram punim torbe

3. Koliko para toliko muzike

4. Radom kod konkurencije stječem nova iskustva

5. Čak i najveći stvaraoci imaju krizu stvaranja, ponekad sam voljan raditi i bez stimulacije, no tada me poslodavka arogantno odbija, često sam prisiljen raditi na svoju ruku i dodao bih povrh svega redovito su mjesečni remonti koji redovito dugo traju

6. Poslodavka jedva osigurava posao za jednu smjenu

7. Prijevremeno napu�tam radno mjesto zbog nepredvidivih kvarova na opremi

8. �to se tiče torbi, poslodavka uvijek dobiva: ulazim s punim, a izlazim s praznim.

1367. �esedamdeseti zadatak

1368. Zadatak za tvoju rupu za njegovu grupu

1369. Samo slovim slovo

1370. Računa� i dobije� LaGran�a

1371. Zna� da rastavlja� na činioce tablicu

1372. Kakao je to broj?

1373. Meni je drago �to je on naučio slovo I

1374. Napcrtao

1375. B naostaje

1376. Većini treba dvojke

1377. Ne čujem te �ta pi�e�

1378. Ja vidi

1379. To te nisam pitao! Ni to te nisam pitao! E, to te pitao! 1380. Tu sam te otkačio 1381. On tomi je uradio (Ovo se mo�e posmatrati na dva načina: 1. On to mi je uradio, ili 2. On Tomi je uradio, gde bi ovo Tomi u stvari značilo Tomić.) 1382. Kradrat 1383. Jeljena 1384. Rezdar 1385. Pinapi�u svi 1386. Prapolako 1387. 'bir cifara 1388. X1 na plus 1389. Ja sam to bogao ta uradim 1390. Milo�eviću, izađi i sedi tablu 1391. Gleda� na tablu kroz prozor 1392. Čkako 1393. Rapazi, Rapaić! 1394. Dok je prepisuje� polako je prepisuje� 1395. Obri�e� to pak pi�e�

1396. I� zna� (??? � verovatno "ič zna�" � "ni�ta zna�" prim. red.)

1397. C�ta je (???)

1398. I sada sadatak

1399. On to nije racionali�ao

1400. Vormule

1401. Razume� da je bravo

1402. Vijetove forme (treba "formule")

1403. Četrdeset i pe ("45 p")

1404. Sada si zavrna�la

1405. Ovi iz va�i susedi

1406. Re�enja su rojalna (rojalna = realna)

1407. Otvaraj se (govori zbirci)

1408. Ru�ki jezik

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