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Nedelja, 11. IV 2010.

U ovom broju donosimo: 2. Shit happens Različiti pogledi (dopunjeno) 4. Biografija Vuka Jeremića On ju je lično napisao za OSSI 4. Špigl - dvojnici poznatih Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih ličnosti. 5. Snoop Dog vs. Zdravko Čolić             Ko je bolji od njih dvojice? 6. Locirajte se! Vi mora da ste iz… ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Danska, Delaver; 1480-1511) 8. Origami Četiri jednostavna origamija

Sačuvajte ovaj broj! Možete od njega da napravite: - molersku kapu - brodić - avion koji leti… Urednicima ostalih časopisa: Budite fer i ostavite link za ovaj časopis kad već uzimate materijal odavde!

SHIT HAPPENS

We all know shit happens, because it's happened to all of us, regardless of your beliefs, non-beliefs, or whatever "-ism" you happen to be a part of, and this just goes to show it. You just gotta learn to deal with it.

7^th day adventists: "Shit happens on Saturdays" Acupuncturist: "Hold still or this will hurt like shit" Agnosticism: "Can you prove that shit happens?" Americanism: "Who gives a shit?" Amish: "Modern shit is useless" Atheism: "I don't believe this shit" Baptism: "We'll wash the shit right off you" Buddhism: "Shit will happen to you again" Capitalism: "This is MY shit" Catholicism: "If shit happens, you deserve it" Communism: "Let's share the shit" Confucianism: "Confucious say 'shit happens'" Conspiracy theorism: "THEY shit on us!" Cynicism: "We are all full of shit" Darwinism: "Survival of the shittiest" Descartes: "I shit, therefore I am"

Disneyism: "Bad shit doesn't happen here"
Dog: "I just shit in your shoe"
Cat: "Dogs are shit"
Mouse: "Oh, shit! A cat!"
Einstein: "Shit is relative"
Environmentalism: "Shit is biodegradable"
Existentialism: "What is shit, anyway?"
Family gathering: "Relatives are shit"
Fatalism: "Oh shit, it's going to happen"
Feminism: "Men are shit"
Freud: "Shit is a phallic symbol"

Hare Krishna: "Shit happens, rama rama"
Hedonism: "I love it when shit happens"
Hinduism: "This shit happened before"
Hip-Hop: "Motherfuck this shiznit beeatch!"
Islam: "If shit happens, it is the will of Allah"
Jehova's Witness: "Knock knock. Shit happens"
Judaism: "Why does shit always happen to us?"
Lawyers: "For enough money, I can get you out of shit"
Marxism: "You have nothing to lose but your shit"
Materialism: "Whoever dies with the most shit, wins"
Mormonism: "Excrement happens" (don't say "shit")

"Shit happens again & again & again…"

Mysticism: "This is really weird shit" Nation of Islam: "Don't take no shit" New age: "Visualize shit happening" Optimism: "Shit won't happen to me" Orthodox Judaism: "So shit happens, already" Politically correct: "Internally processed, nutritionally-drained biological output happens" Protestantism: "Shit happens, Amen to that" "Shit won't happen if I work harder" Pyscho-analysis: "Tell me about your shit" Rastafarianism: "Let's smoke this shit" Satanism: "sneppah tihS" Scientology: "If shit happens, see Dianetics p. 137" Shintoism: "You inherit the shit of your ancestors" Sikhism: "Leave our shit alone"

Shakespearean: "To shit or not to shit, that is the question"

Statistician: "Shit is 84,7% likely to happen"
Suicidal: "I've had enough of this shit"
Surrealism: "Fish happens"

Taoism: "If you understand shit, it isn't shit"
Tantrism: "Fuck this shit"
Televangelism: "Send money or shit will happen to you"
Trekism: "To boldy shit where no one has shit before"

Unitarian: "What is this shit?"

Vegetarianism: "If it happens to shit, don't eat it"
Voodoo: "Shit doesn't just happen - we made it happen"
Wеhаb Iѕlаm: "If shit happens, take a hostage"

Wicca: "You can make shit happens, but shit will happen to you three times"

Zen: "What is the sound of shit happening?"

BIOGRAFIJA VUKA JEREMIĆA

Vuk Jeremić - Finansijski menadžer OSSI Imperial College, University of London London, United Kingdom             Rođen 1975. u Beogradu. Srednju školu započeo u Beogradu, na Dorćolu, u I Beogradskoj Gimnaziji. Maturirao, ako se tom rečju daju krstiti English Upper Sixth Form A-Level Exams, u Davies, Laing & Dick Independent College, London, kao (recimo) student generacije. Od 1994. student na "Queen's college, university of Cambridge gde je diplomirao Teorijsku fiziku juna 1998.

ŠPIGL - DVOJNICI POZNATIH Narcis Mujkić → Magarac iz filma "Šrek"

Od oktobra 1998, započinje rad na doktorskim studijama na Imperial College of Science & Technology, London. Područje istraživanja: Applied Mathematics (Financial Derivatives). Do 35. godine života namerava da doktorat naplati u Londonu, New Yorku, Tokyo-u ili Hong-Kongu, vršeći surovo kapitalističko izrabljivanje na berzi, a posle toga da se bavi humanitarnim radom, posmatranjem ptica i filatelijom, paralelno sa držanjem značajnog dela deonica "Playboy"-a i portfeljom Ministarstva za Istraživanje Ruda i Gubljenja Vremena u Vladi Srbije. Politika ga direktno ne zanima, mnogo pre zainteresovan za sponzorisanje budućih izbornih kampanja svojih kolega iz Centralnog Odbora. Beskompromisni srpski Skad (agresivni Patriot), sledbenik Teorije Velike Zavere Vatikana, Svetske Masonerije, Kominterne, Aparthejda i Atlantide protiv napaćenog i ničim izazvanog, golorukog srpskog naroda. Od Istorijske Osme Sednice (a Studentskih Demonstracija 96/97 pogotovo) piše, crta, igra tenis, i obavlja sve ostale repetitvne radnje isključivo desnom rukom; kontra-desnu koristi samo u iznimnim situacijama. Često bivao proganjan od strane režimskih institucija, optuživan sa saradnju sa MI6, CIA, TNT, CNN, NBA i KKK; svaki put sačuvao integritet i dokazao čist obraz. Pomalo Monarhist. Od kad nije Zajedno, odvojeno je. Pored Superprovodnika i Kvantne Elektrodinamike, uživa u preferansu i proučavanju istorijskih tekstova, prvenstveno iz elizabetanskog peroda formiranja Britanske Imperije i NOB-a. Bavi se tenisom i skijanjem, ali ne i jahanjem. Nekada vatreni fudbalski fen, sada samo ponekad, u trenucima relaksacije, for good old times' sake, navija za timove koji igraju protiv "Partizana". Kao i svi članovi Centralnog Odbora OSSI, vole sve što vole mladi, uključujući i mlade. Sve što je ljudsko, nije mu strano.

[prim. red.: ovo je on lično napisao]

SNOOP DOG vs ZDRAVKO ČOLIĆ

1. Snoop je crnac, Zdravko nije! 2. Snoop je u saradnji sa "Hustler-om" snimao porniće u kojima je i sâm učestvovao, Zdravko nije! 3. Snoop traži od riba sa kojima spava da potpišu dokument kojim se ograđuje od bilo kakvih posledica, Zdravko ne! 4. Snoop (verovatno) ima veću alatku! 5. Snoop puši gandžu, Zdravko ne! 6. Snoop je primio MTV nagradu, Zdravko nije! 7. Snoop je bio na Exitu, Zdravko nije! 8. Snoopa nikada nisu optuživali da je homoseksualac, Zdravka jesu! 9. Snoop nije bio komunjara, Zdravko jeste (singl "Druže Tito mi ti se kunemo" je prodat u više od 300.000 primeraka)! 10. Snoop se nije spuštao na taj nivo da peva "Gori vatra (sad u nama)", Zdravko jeste! 11. Snoop na nastupima nosi naočare za sunce, ogrlice, prstenje i minđuše, Zdravko ne!

12. Snoop je bio ortak sa 2Pac-om, Zdravko nije!
13. Snoop je išao u školu sa Kameron Diaz, Zdravko nije!
14. Snoopova kola skakuću, Zdravkova ne!
15. Snoop je "gangsta", Zdravko nije!
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1. Zdravko je napunio Marakanu, Snoop nije! 2. Na Zdravka se lože sve ribe (od 7-77) iz bivše SFRJ, na Snoopa ne! 3. Na Zdravka ne utiču godine, na Snoopa utiču! 4. Zdravkov primarni stajling koji fura je šmekerica fazon: košuljice, odelca i kravatice, Snoopov nije! 5. Zdravko svoja izdanja ima i na pločama, Snoop ih nema! 6. Zdravko je bio u šemi sa "atraktivnom Lokicom", Snoop nije! 7. Zdravko je u Beogradu imao deset koncerata zaredom, Snoop nije! 8. Zdravko je pevao na Evroviziji (i, navodno, povalio pevačicu iz grupe ABBA), Snoop nije! 9. Nivo decibela koji prouzrukuju žene na Zdravkovom koncertu žene na Snoopovm nikada ne mogu da dostignu! 10. Za Zdravka se kaže: "Bež'te pi*ke, stig'o Zdravko Čolić!", za Snoopa se ne kaže: "Bež'te pi*ke, stig'o Snoop Doggy Dogg"! 11. Zdravko je sa Koštunicom promovisao 3G, Snoop nije!

12. Zdravkova majka nije mislila da njen sin liči na Snupija, lika iz crtanog filma, Snoopova jeste!
13. Zdravko zna da ima ćerku, Snoop ne zna!
14. Zdravko ima veći broj albuma!
15. Zdravko ne liči na dobermana, Snoop liči!

                            Snoop je faca! Zdravko je šmeker! Obojica su legende, ali… ko je veća?

LOCIRAJTE SE

¤  Vi mora da ste iz Danske ako… (DK, poglavlje XXVII)
1480. When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume that:
a) he is drunk;
b) he is insane;
c) he is American;
d) he is all of the above.
1481. The amount of money you spend on alcohol in a single night no longer seems excessive.
1482. You know that meaning of "religious holiday" is "let's get pissed".
1483. You pay the same for a 200m bus ride as you do for 10km.
1484. You find yourself more interested in the alcohol content than the name of the wine.
1485. It feels natural to wear sport clothes everywhere.
1486. You have no idea what a "date" really is - no one ever comes to pick you up and unexpected gifts are very unexpected.
1487. You offer people "Gammel Dansk" (strange-tasting brown very alcoholic liquid) with their coffee in the morning!
1488. You know that the Swedish people drink more than the Danish.

¤  Vi mora da ste iz Delavera ako… (SAD, poglavlje XXVIII)

1489. When you know Slaughter Beach isn't home to people that might kill you… Although the smell might.

1490. When you get lost going into town and end up in Maryland… 1491. When you think Delaware is big 1492. When your grandpa had the same math teacher as you… 1493. When you pump your own gas, and try pumping it out of state. 1494. When you explain to people what is in scrapple, and they think you are an idiot for eating it. 1495. When driving for an hour, and being in the same state is beyond your capacity to understand. 1496. When the concept of an area code frightens you. 1497. When you go to another state and get freaked out by the fact that something isn't $0.99 cents… Its $1.04 (fuck tax).

1498. You know to stick to the speed limit in Greenwood (the town with the bbq & speedtrap)
1499. You remember when the "Brandywine regal" was "Funscape".
1500. You're proud that they chose Wilmington to blow up at the end of Fight Club - and understand completely why.
1501. You've been asked what state Delaware is in.
1502. You've been to the Charcoal Pit and tried to finish the Kitchen Sink.
1503. When people come up to you in college and ask to see your license because they just got a fake from Delaware - and it looks just like your real one.
1504. You can't wait for the annual PowWow in Longneck.
1505. You know what Return's Day is and look foward to it every year. But only if you're from Sussex.
1506. You've been asked if Delaware is a province of Canada… by an American.
1507. You know the differences in housing in Elsmere, Pike Creek, and Greenville.
1508. When you go out of state to shop or eat, you are always surprised about the tax
1509. You remember when Christiana Mall had a Galaxy arcade and a movie theater.
1510. You can remember when Christiana Hospital was a field with cows.
1511. You've heard the joke "Delawhere?" more times than there are people in the state.

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