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Nedelja, 13. II 2011.

U ovom broju donosimo: 2. Kriterij za zapo�ljavanje Objavljeno ranije, ali dopunjeno 2. Reč uredni�tva Povodom praznika 3. Engleski za graničnu policiju Priručnik za BiH carinike 3. Remove me ti Obrada pesme Gordane Stojićević "Zagrli me ti i oprosti mi" 4. Molba za posao Curiculum Vit� u fazonu "na vrh mi je glave va�ih CV-a i �ivotopisa i biografija!" 4. �pigl - dvojnici poznatih Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih ličnosti. 5. Locirajte se! Vi mora da ste iz� ako je većina ovih tvrdnji tačna (Liban, Luizijana; 2779-2850)

Sačuvajte ovaj broj! Mo�ete od njega da napravite: - molersku kapu - brodić - avion koji leti� Urednicima ostalih časopisa: Budite fer i ostavite link za ovaj časopis kad već uzimate materijal odavde!

KRITERIJ ZA ZAPO�LjAVANjE

Ako vam pri procesu odabira potencijalnih kandidata za zaposlenje nije jasno u koji odjel tj. funkciju biste ih  mogli iskoristiti evo postupka i kriterija: 1. Stavite 400 cigli u praznu sobu. 2. Uvedite sve kandidate u tu sobu i zatvorite vrata za njima. 3. Kandidate ostavite u sobi oko 6 h i nakon toga se vratite u sobu i analizirajte situaciju prema sljedećim kriterijima: - Ako su prebrojali sve cigle - knjigovodstvo - Ako su prebrojali sve cigle vi�e puta - revizija - Ako su cigle razbacane bez vidljivog sistema po cijeloj sobi - razvoj i istra�ivanje - Ako su cigle sistematski podijeljene po cijeloj sobi - planiranje - Ako se gađaju medusobno ciglama � voditelji proizvodnje

Svim zaljubljenim čitaocima �elimo srećan Dan zaljubljenih i puno lepih trenutaka u dru�tvu drage osobe. Zbog praznika, objavićemo par romantičnih i slatkih slika, tako da mo�ete da ih po�aljete voljenoj osobi. Iskreno se nadamo da će vam se svideti na� izbor. U narednom broju obećavamo da ćemo objaviti vi�e romantičnih slika... za one koji su zaboravili da po�alju ne�to voljenoj osobi za Valentinovo. Va�a Redakcija

- Ako svi spavaju � za�tita na radu / portir

- Ako su sve cigle usitnili u sitne dijelove - IT sektor

- Ako samo sjede bez veze okolo cigli i razgovaraju o svemu i svačemu - personal - Ako su već svi davno oti�li doma - marketing - Ako besciljno gledaju kroz prozor i doimaju se odsutnim � strate�ko planiranje - Ako su veoma razdra�eni i energično diskutiraju međusobno, ali nisu pomaknuli niti jednu jedinu ciglu - uprava / top management - Ako su sazidali profesionalnu peku s dimnjakom, spremili dobar gablec i svi su već pijani � tehnička slu�ba - Ako su sve cigle nestale � vlada RH

ENGLESKI ZA GRANIČNU POLICIJU

Zbog lo�e slike (radi se o fotografisanoj stranici iz nepoznatog časopisa), odlučili smo da ovaj članak objavimo kao tabelu.

Uredni�tvo

Engleski za graničnu policiju English for Border Police
Engleski	Bosanski	Izgovor
I don't understand English so well	Ne razumijem engleski dobro.	Aj dont anderstand ingli� vel.
You do not meet konditions to enter BiH.	Vi ne ispunjavate uslove za ulazak u BiH.	Ju du not mit kondi�ns tu enter Bi Aj Ejč.
All right, you can go. Thank you.	U redu, mo�ete ići. Hvala.	Ol rajt, ju ken go. Tenk ju.
Turn the engine off.	Ugasite motor.	Trn di end�in of.
Open the trunk, please.	Otvorite gepek, molim.	Open d trank, pliz.
Step out of the vehicle, please.	Izađite iz vozila, molim.	Step aut of d vijekl pliz.
Where are you traveling to?	Gdje putujete?	Ver ar ju traveling tu?
The reason of visit to BiH.	Razlog posjete BiH.	D rizon of vizit to Bi Aj Ejč
Which town you are going to?	U koji grad idete?	Vič taun ju ar going tu?
How long are you stayin in the country?	Koliko dugo ostajete u zemlji?	Hau long ar ju steing in d kantri?
May I see your documents?	Mogu li pogledati va�a dokumenta?	Mej aj si jor dokjuments?
Welcome	Dobro do�li	Velkam
You are under arrest	Uhap�eni ste	Ju ar ander arest
Stop or I will shoot	Stop ili pucam	Stop or aj vil �ut
Don't shoot!	Ne pucaj!	Dont �ut!

REMOVE ME TI

Ostao je s tvog profila tag. Odlazi�, a tako si mi drag. Mirim se sa tim - sa tobom gubim sve, a jo� me bole zadnje notifikacije dve! Blokiraj me ti i obri�i, stisni "remove" nemoj plakati. Jedno drugom smo lajkovali sve: prve linkove, slike, statuse� Sada pro�lo je� "Remove me molim teeeee" [pesma: Gordana Stojićević � "Zagrli me ti i oprosti mi (stisni dupe, nemoj plakati)"]

MOLBA ZA POSAO

orijeklom sam iz Jajca. Rodio sam se u Zadarskoj bolnici sa 5 dana zaka�njenja, jer ni tada nisam volio  točnost. S obzirom da sam imao defektan bubreg, bio sam prisiljen biti u inkubatoru neko vrijeme. Mozak  mi tad nije bio razvijen pa se gugutanja i tepanja ljudi koji su me do�li gledati ne sjećam. Samo se sjećam riječi "lijep", "obdaren", "ćelav na oca" i "bezzub". Ne znam kako, ali i dan danas mi to govore, pa po tome zaključujem da ću ostat vječno mlad.

Anyway, �ivio sam s roditeljima kao podstanar u predjelu grada zvanom Stanovi. Tu sam prvi put prohodao, naučio koristiti WC �koljku, a i izrasli su mi mliječni zubi. Prije vrtića pod nazivom "Ciciban", mama me naučila čitati i pisati, zavezati pertle na cipelama i plivati, a tata me naučio voziti biciklu. Vrtića se ba� i ne sjećam, osim jednog krasnog događaja, a taj je da mi je jedan dan Marica pri�la, prislonila obje ruke na moje obraze i poljubila me u usta. Taj čin su dečki iskoristili da mi se rugaju, tako da sam bio prisiljen uzvratiti paljbom s obli�njim kamenčićima. Nakon toga sam dobio svoj prvi kompjuter. Dotična

�PIGL � DVOJNICI POZNATIH Hosni Mubarak ( حسني مبارك ) → Pingvin (iz stripa "Betmen")

sprava je u sebi imala igre koje su mi omogućavale da budem bilo �to, da razvijem svoju ma�tu i u�ivam u tom posebnom svijetu. Naravno, nisam zanemario ni igranje s loptom. Kao pravi Zadranin, trenirao sam ko�arku. Uz to sam se bavio i plivanjem te biciklizmom, zbog čega danas imam zavidnu mi�ićnu masu i Apolonsku građu tijela. Djevojke sam skroz zanemario, kompjuteri su mi bili zanimljiviji, a djevojke su predstavljale ne�to balavo, ne�to �to ima dobre ocjene, a nema mozga, ne�to �to se smije bez razloga. Ukratko, ne�to nedokučivo.

Međutim, jednog dana, jedna od pripadnica tog nedokučivog spola je do�la kod mene doma. Pokazao sam joj svoj kompjuter i obja�njavao joj svoje divljenje nad jednom igrom na dotičnom kompjuteru, kad me dotična odlučila iznenaditi. Skinula se gola i rekla "Vidi �to ja imam". U maniri pravog istra�ivača, pristupio sam istra�ivanju njenog tijela, te otkrio da je to daleko zabavnije od kompjutera. Prodao sam kompjuter i posvetio se dotičnoj djevojci. Medutim, ne�to kasnije, otkrila se nedokučivost tog spola, jer me je dotična odlučila napustiti i ostaviti bez njenog tijela i bez mog kompjutera. Tada sam shvatio da novac pokreće svijet i da se moram zaposliti. To sam i učinio, no poslovni svijet je imao tonu mana, koje meni nisu odgovarale, tako da sam bio prisiljen uvijek iznova tra�iti neki drugi posao. Novcem koji sam pritom zaradio, sam kupio novi kompjuter, a i iskoristio ga za udvaranje tom čudnom �enskom dijelu populacije. I�lo je poprilično dobro i statistički gledano, imao sam vrlo dobar uspjeh. S obzirom da danas imam 31 godinu, ovdje moram zavr�iti priču, jer jo� nije okončana.

(Gor�tak)

(vjerovali ili ne, ali gospođa mi se javila nakon ovoga, rekla da sam ju odu�evio u moru bezličnih �ivotopisa i da sam dobio posao...)

LOCIRAJTE SE

� Vi mora da ste iz Libana ako� (poglavlje LIII)

2779. You use your forehead and eyebrows to point something out and you walk with attitude
2780. You get plastic surgery at least once in your lifetime
2781. You call a night club "a Night" and Dunkin' Donuts "theDunkin'"
2782. You go shopping with high heels and a micro skirt
2783. When you are indoors with your sunglass still on, coz you are too cool and you could always use another pair of sunglasses
2784. You are always aware of all the political issues around the world
2785. You are so "class" while everyone else is "nawar" ("vulgar" in Arabic)
2786. You won't drive anything that's not a Mercedes, BMW, or Hummer
2787. You constantly mix Arabic, French, and English when speaking Okay merci kteer, yallah bye!", "HI kifak ca va") or You always start a sentence with "wlak" (wlak Hi, wlak waynak? wlak 3esh min shefak?)
2788. You don't listen but only talk and you create noise wherever u go (that's why u hear others saying "i'm sure he/she is Lebanese")
2789. You say you hate all Khaleejis but you'll go work in Saudi Arabia or Dubai in a heartbeat

2790. Syrians are the butt of all jokes 2791. Your family "owns" at least one Sri Lankan servant! 2792. You can't do anything in life unless you have a wasta. (connections) 2793. You have about 40 cousins 2794. You have at least one relative named George, Ali, Elie, Ahmad, Tony or Hussein 2795. All your aunts want to hook you up with a guy/girl they know 2796. Family gatherings are filled with gossiping and cat-fights, where the women hang out in the kitchen and the men sit and discuss politics 2797. Going to church is a fashion show 2798. You have relatives smuggling diamonds in West Africa 2799. You bought your driver's license 2800. You don't have a job but you drive an SUV and upgrade your cell phone every month 2801. You only buy something if it is expensive enough, because the higher the price the better the quality, right? 2802. You dress like you're going clubbing all day everyday, probably because you do. 2803. If you are a Lebanese girl you give the look of death to another girl who looks better than you

2804. Your aunt is always asking when she can belly dance at your wedding
2805. When you arrive at an airport you find like 20 relatives waiting to greet you
2806. You always curse Lebanese people when you are in Lebanon, but when you live abroad you only make Lebanese friends
2807. The men always fight over who pays the dinner bill
2808. You teach Westerners all the Lebanese swear words
2809. You have to keep explaining to Westerns that Beirut is not just a drinking game

2810. Your refer to other Lebanese guys as "Cuz" "ya man" or "Bro" 2811. Your extended family is over your house all the time, discussing the latest family drama 2812. At least one conversation a day is about being Lebanese 2813. You use your mobile phone only to make missed calls or to receive missed call� 2814. You think wearing a leather jacket during the summer is cool 2815. You judge artists and singers based on there political view only 2816. You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life. 2817. You are very outgoing and open to other cultures

2818. At your parties there's always enough food for an entire army and you have to taste everything and finish your plate or your mom will say "harram".
2819. You are always late.
2820. You always have a story to tell.
2821. "Yalla" and "Walla" is part of your everyday vocabulary.
2822. You refer to your dad's friends as "�amo" (Uncle)!
2823. You are always right!
2824. Your eighth wonder of the world is Haifa Wehbe
2825. You believe that you are not only perfect� You are Lebanese too

� Vi mora da ste iz Luizijane ako� (SAD, poglavlje LIV)

2826. You think that crawfish is a direct gift from the Good Lord to us.
2827. You save newspapers, not for recycling but for tablecloths at crawfishboils
2828. You can properly pronounce Lafayette, Bossier, Natchitoches, Opelousas, Shongaloo, Pontchartrain, Ouachita, and you know that New Orleans doesn't have a long "e" sound anywhere in it.
2829. You have ever had a crawfish boil, fish fry, etc outside during a hurricane warning.
2830. You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a "New Orleans-based" movie or TV show.
2831. You know everything goes better with Tony's or Tabasco.
2832. You describe the first cool snap (below 70�F - 21�C) as good gumbo weather.

2833. You reinforce your attic to store Mardi Gras beads. 2834. Your ancestors are buried above the ground. 2835. You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says, "Don't eat the dead ones", and you know what he means. 2836. You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday. 2837. You believe that purple, green, and gold look good together. 2838. Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled. 2839. You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.

2840. No matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food.
2841. Your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don't care because you're #1 on the party chart.
2842. Your Santa Claus rides an alligator and your favorite Saint is a football player.
2843. You know what it means for food to come "dressed".
2844. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I am fixing to go to the store".
2845. Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside.
2846. You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.
2847. Little old ladies push you out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.
2848. You leave a parade with footprints on your hands.
2849. You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease.
2850. Your grandparents are called "Maw-Maw" and "Paw-Paw".

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