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Nedelja, 28. IX 2014.
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U ovom broju donosimo: 2. Radiohead
Kako postati fan ove grupe - pravilno Programerski humor
Kviz: Pogodite čija je ovo slika iz mladosti?
Foto-feljton: dvojnici poznatih ličnosti
Iz arhiva jedne newsgrupe
Poruka iz naše redakcije |
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RADIOHEAD
Pravilan način kako početi slušati "Radiohead".
KOMENTARI U KODU
Kao što mnogi od vas znaju, programeri
su čudna bića. Malo ko ih zaista razume, a stvari
koje njima deluju savršeno
smisleno, nikome drugom nemaju smisla. Ipak, oni
su nužno zlo i bez njih se ne
može.
Situacija se dodatno komplikuje ako je potrebno da jednog zamenite drugim. Ta tranzicija nikada nije jednostavna, brza i bez posledica. Ipak, ključ za olakšavanje i ubrzavanje tog process je standardizacija njihovog posla u startu, dokumentovanje i komentarisanje koda. Komentari su tu da bi se programeri lakše orijentisali u okviru postojećeg kola, da bi brže nalazili šta im treba i slično. Ipak, ponekad su ti komentari u kodu čisti dragulji…
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** * For the brave souls who get this far: You are the chosen ones, * the valiant knights of programming who toil away, without rest, * fixing our most awful code. To you, true saviors, kings of men, * I say this: never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, * never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, * never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you. * |
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Poruka za
budućnost:
Dear maintainer:
Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine, and have realized what a terrible mistake that was, please increment the following counter as a warning to the next guy:
total_hours_wasted_here = 42 ● Česti problemi
sa
memorijom… When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing Now, God only knows |
● Žurka može da počne…
stop(); Hammertime!
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Posveta…
I dedicate all this code, all my work, to my wife, Darlene, who will
have to support me and our three children and the dog once it gets
* night cursing the moment you thought youd be clever
* enough to "optimize" the code below.
* Now close this file and go play with something else.
*
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Kada programer
otvori dušu…
At this point, I'd like to take a moment to speak to you about the Adobe PSD
format. PSD is not a good format. PSD is not even a bad format. Calling it
such would be an insult to other bad formats, such as PCX or JPEG. No, PSD
is an abysmal format. Having worked on this code for several weeks now, my
hate for PSD has grown to a raging fire that burns with the fierce passion
of a million suns.
If there are two different ways of doing something, PSD will do both, in
different places. It will then make up three more ways no sane human would
think of, and do those too. PSD makes inconsistency an art form. Why, for
instance, did it suddenly decide that *these* particular chunks should be
aligned to four bytes, and that this alignement should *not* be included in
the size? Other chunks in other places are either unaligned, or aligned with
the alignment included in the size. Here, though, it is not included. Either
one of these three behaviours would be fine. A sane format would pick one.
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PSD, of course, uses all three, and more.
Trying to get data out of a PSD file is like trying to find something in the attic of your eccentric old uncle who died in a freak freshwater shark attack on his 58th birthday. That last detail may not be important for the purposes of the simile, but at this point I am spending a lot of time imagining amusing fates for the people responsible for this Rube Goldberg of a file format.
Earlier, I tried to get a hold of the latest specs for the PSD file format. |
To do this, I had to apply to them for permission to apply to them to have
them consider sending me this sacred tome. This would have involved faxing
them a copy of some document or other, probably signed in blood. I can only
imagine that they make this process so difficult because they are intensely
ashamed of having created this abomination. I was naturally not gullible
enough to go through with this procedure, but if I had done so, I would have
printed out every single page of the spec, and set them all on fire. Were it
within my power, I would gather every single copy of those specs, and launch
them on a spaceship directly into the sun.
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PSD is not my favourite file format. ●
Važna
upozorenja… If this comment is removed the program will blow up ●
Iskrenost je
takođe važna… I am not sure if we need this, but too scared to delete. ●
Kao i
zaključci… I have to find a better job ●
Pretpostavke… hack for ie browser (assuming that ie is a browser) ●
Religiozni
momenti… last = first; * Biblical reference *
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Konačne
ispravke… * This isn't the right way to deal with this, but today is my last day, Ron just spilled coffee on my desk, and I'm hungry, so this will have to do... * return 12; 12 is my lucky
number |
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Važne životne
lekcije:
* Mark: If there's one thing you learn from this code, it is this...
Never, ever fly Air France. Their customer service is absolutely
the worst. I've never heard the words "That's not my problem" as
many times as I have from their staff -- It should, without doubt
be their corporate motto if it isn't already. Don't bother giving
them business because you're just a pain in their side and they
will be sure to let you know the first time you speak to them.
If you ever want to make me happy just tell me that you, too, will
never fly Air France again either (in spite of their excellent cuisine).
Update by oej: The merger with KLM has transferred this
behaviour to KLM as well.
Don't bother giving them business either...
Only if you want to travel randomly without luggage, you
might pick either of them.
*
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Uslovni krediti.
If this code works, it was written by Paul DiLascia. If not, I don't know
who wrote it
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Važna upozorenja za
običnu populaciju:
* NOT FIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION *
HRONIKA
YHV-A
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Poglavlje peto: Silin proglas
Proglas! Obratiti dve pažnje!
Friends, Romans…
uf… fak… Pogrešan govor… ne mož' živeti od ovih papirčina… Ček… aha… Ja, Tib… kurac Tiberije…
opet pogrešan
govor… Heh…
Samo
malo… Sad će! Khm… Drugovi i … taj je!!! Drugovi i drugarice, braćo i sapatnici! U istoriji naše male virtuelne komune odvajkada je bilo teških trenutaka. Bilo je vremena kad smo se veselili, smejali i radovali svakom novom danu, a bilo je i trenutaka kada nam je krvav znoj kroz kožu izbijao, kada smo u suzama grcali i kada su nam noge smrdele više i od onih sa yu.forum.scifictiona. Ali nikada… nikada nismo toliko moralno obludeli kao u ovim tmurnim vremenima koja su se nadvila. YHV je nekad bio ponos yu useneta, civilizacijska zvezda Danica koja je sjala pijemontskom svetlošću i kao takva oko sebe okupljala sve progresivne snage ovih područja. Setite se samo dana slave i moći, kada smo od varvarskih konfi yu.test i yu.humor stvorili moćne |
dominione, svetionike progresa i moćne kamene graničnike prema tmini koja nas je obavijala. Zar smo u tim danima uopšte i pomišljali da YHV može ikada postati demokratija, i time se svrstati u isti koš sa drugorazrednim dekadentnim konferencijama, u kojima caruju korupcija, nepotizam i nekrofilija!
Avaj, sumrak svake civilizacije je neminovan. Tome nas istorija jasno uči. No, zar možemo sebi dopustiti da makar pokušamo izbeći tu strašnu sudbinu koja nam visi nad glavom. Moral stanovništva je na prizemnom nivou, vojska u rasulu, policija i sudstvo ne funkcionišu, a obaveštajna služba dudla… Sad, da ne kažem šta dudla, pošto je ovo ozbiljan govor. Upravo u ovakvim danima se treba prisetiti starog proročanstva brata Jakova III Uljempotpaljenoga, koji kaže (Ev. Jakov. IV 12~20):
"I
biće
mraka u zemlji YHV-ovskoj
I
zveri će se nakotiti
Zveri
kakve abusom prete
Trolovi
se iz pećina izmileti
i
vatrene će im reke
iz
nozdrva poteći
i
iz njihovih noseva će se pojaviti zver
što
propast YHV-u nosi
i
sebe će Pred-Sed-NICKOM nazvati
i
lažno
spasenje nevernima ponuditi"
Svi znaci su očimagledni. Ja sam već odveć star i umoran da se borim sa ovim novim demonima, no u meni još živi plamen slobode i slave starog YHV-a, kao što gori i u mnogima od vas. Bili zavedeni poput palog generala Extremodoa i Belzesharka Bananonosca, bili ostali neoprljene duše i svesni tmine oko nas - ustanite! Dignite glas! Nas niko neće zvati običnim narodom! Mi smo YHV-ovci, potomci Kubluduranondusa osmog i sinovi Ambledildopimlinčka 1.41! Niko sem Okupacione Komande nema pravo da vas primorava da donosite smrdljiva lekarska uverenja i uvodi sudske takse! Nabijmo im njihov prljavi novac nazad u guzicu i rešimo se pošasti demokratije i svega što ta dekadentna tvorevina belosvetskih babojebaca nosi sa sobom, uključujući tu i Pred-Sed-NICKA, ma ko god on bio! Osim ako to nisam ja, jelte. Dalje, ovo nije prvi pokušaj državnog udara na YHV. Isti taj saRmodržac Vela je pre ravno godinu dana pokušao izvršiti prevrat, ali ga je vrsna OKAYHV sprečila u svojim zlim nakanama. AYHV danas praktično ne postoji, ali u narodu živi duh AYHV-a. Duh koji ju je učinio moćnom, plemenitom i dominantnom! Na vama je odluka želite li da živite kao crvi ili kao… ljudi!
Fors Von Rheischwehrschluss
Generalizimus u pemziji
(Potpis nečitak)
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Pre svega, Redakcija bi želela da svim čitaocima
Islamske veroispovesti čestita Kurban Bajram (4. X) - Bajram šerif
mubarek olsun!
Drugo, Vaš urednik je (opet) zezn'o rame pa će
naredni broj izaći 12. 10. Žao nam je zbog toga, ali rame mora da mi
miruje ako hoću da bude okej do prazničnih brojeva za Noć veštica
(Samhain). Vaš urednik |
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Rešenje kviza sa treće
strane: Elton
Džon (John)
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